13 Dead Men

Do yourself a favor and don't waste your time watching this movie. You'll want that hour and a half of your life back, as do I. Wooden actors, plot holes a mile wide, awful dialogue, and action sequences that my little brother could have choreographed make this hands-down, one of THE worst movies I've seen in a looooooong time. It's so bad you wonder how it ever got made. '13 Dead Men' is the kind of movie you watch for the sole purpose of making fun of it with your friends. Actually, it's the kind of movie you and your friends would make if you were goofing around with a video camera making the script up as you go along.

'Nuff said.

Lorenzo Lamas is a great actor. A poor man's Seagal, he brings a six pack and great hair to every role he plays. 13 Dead Men is no exception, as him and his team of diamond thieves are in charge of breaking a guilty, but not that guilty, man out of prison and into our hearts.

But seriously, this is a real stinker. I was wondering why this needed to be made, but then realized that Van Damme was cast in Expendables 2. This creates a disparity in the world of action stars, as Lamas might now be the only one to not grace the screen in the Stallone epics we have all come to love and cherish. Enter 13 Dead Men, the perfect vehicle to show how Lamas can still get down, Kung-fu style. Oh yeah, and Mystikal is in this too.

I didn't know what to expect with a pairing of Lorenzo Lamas and Mystikal but I rented the DVD anyways and man was I surprised. The film didn't waste any time in getting to the point. Having seen some of Mystikal's previous work I was pleasantly surprised at how great he was in this movie. He came off very natural as an actor. The script was pretty good although there were several holes in it but it kept things moving. The directing and action were pretty good. The best thing about the movie is that all the characters seemed pretty real with a couple exceptions like the warden who seemed to be very stiff. There are some real cool exchanges between the characters and their initial introductions in the movie are great. They weren't all good or all bad like characters seem to be in most B films. The only real complaint I have is that it seemed extremely low budget, but overall it was worth the rental.

I absolutely cannot understand why this movie was as bad as it was. The writer, director, producer, fight coordinator, actors, and anyone else working on this abomination must've been so excited about making a "real" movie, and not a porno that they did not notice the massive suckage that it is. Mystikal is the worst actor in this movie. Crucial scenes that are supposed to develop his character, only work to make him look like a retard. Not once did he ever interact with the others, he just read his lines and cursed a lot. Next was the massive amount of scenes that didn't make sense.

1.The Cornbread Scene(what was the purpose!?!!?) 2.During the jailbreak where the Santos(Lorenzo Lamas) breaks out the crazy looking white guy, just because he asked...then that same guy goes on to fight one of Santos' teamates(the big black guy)...why!?!? 3.The "Evil" warden's whore/girlfriend..what is up with their relationship..it looked like for a while that an interesting subplot was going to develop....nope..more confusion.

A badly written film, with almost no character development, no background information(you feel like you jump right into the middle of movie), and no rising action(just constant conflict..much of which has nothing to do with the central plot.) I can honestly say that this is the worst movie i've ever seen..and the funniest...CORNBREAD....!!!

Well, I've got no problem with the script, since it's a normal 'good guy in jail' script. But I didn't like something else. Everything! Directed and performed in the worst way it could ever be! The movie has a cheap-porno atmosphere in witch the actors (may God help them become that) perform in a totally unnatural way. Awful! Some actors can be saved though, especially if you think that they had to act in this thing. Resuming : Cheap porno-movie atmosphere, awful acting and directing, lots of violence and dirty talk, cheap chicks and guns. I loved it!