The Gingerdead Man

"The Gingerdead Man" has a promising plot, and thinking that it would be similar to such gems as "Jack Frost", I decided to rent it from Netflix. My rental would have been better used elsewhere.

So, here's the plot. Gary Busey, playing a psychotic killer guy, gets sent to the electric chair because of one girl's testimony. See, this girl's brother and father were killed by Psycho Busey, and because Busey didn't kill her, the girl testified against her.

Well, one night, the said girl is making a gingerbread cookie in her little bakery (that looks so rundown from the front that you wonder why anyone would ever go in there) and somehow the cookie comes to life. Now if you read the plot line on the Netflix sleeve, it says that Psycho Busey's ashes found their way into the cookie. Apparently if you cook ashes in an oven, they come back to life in the form of whatever they're in. But you don't go into movies about killer cookies looking for plot lines.

Unfortunately, "The Gingerdead Man" doesn't have anything to offer. Sure, there's Gary Busey in cookie form, and he's good for a few laughs, but the VAST majority of the movie is just filler. The 60-minute running time (does that really qualify this as a real movie?) seems like 2 hours, because most of the movie is just people running around the bakery going "what is that thing", "I think it's Gary Busey", and "well, let's run away". Except they don't run away, even if they could have easily just tore out of the bakery and ran to safety.

Ultimately, the killer cookie plot can't save this dull, horrible movie that looked like it was made for $20. Seriously, I could make this movie. It isn't even the low budget that does it in, it's the fact that the movie is just dull, it has no even somewhat cool kills and there's just not enough killer cookie goodness. I was expecting a "so bad it's good" movie, but I just got a really, really bad movie that wasn't even unintentionally funny. Disappointment.

With a title like that, and the premise being a walking/talking/killing cookie, I think most viewers will picture this movie being a (black) comedy. And it could have worked - I thought that the original "Jack Frost" movie, about a killer snowman, worked. But in this case, NOTHING works. The movie is really cheap, looking like a backyard production made in the 1980s and shelved for twenty years without any restoration. There's also a minimalist feel, with barely enough props and scenery, all looking very unconvincing. Gary Busey just seems to be going through the motions, with the scene he actually appears in as well as voicing the killer cookie. The supporting cast comes across as even worse, if that's possible, not helped by a script that makes them the stupidest characters I've seen in a movie for a long time. And even though the movie barely lasts 60 minutes (not counting the s-l-o-w closing credits), it goes by at such a slow pace that it feels endless. This movie actually has spawned two sequels, making me conclude that it was even cheaper than I thought, since I can't see most people liking this movie.

Now I did not expect this movie to be any good, and that is exactly what I got, a bad movie with one hell of a villain. Actually, this movie is more of a comedy than an actual horror. This movie is essentially about a killer who's soul gets somehow trapped in a batch of "magical" gingerbread dough. This ultimately spawns a homicidal, foul-mouthed and sadistic gingerbread cookie. It's just as bad as it sounds. There was horrible acting and a curious plot. However, there is one good thing about this movie and that is it's great surrealistic tone and coring. Other than that, there isn't that many things good about it.

So lets kick off, shall we? The acting was atrocious and really bad. Robin Sydney and Ryan Locke both displayed the perfects example of really bad acing as well as Larry Cedar, whose performance seemed as though he was trying not to laugh during his monologues or seemed that he was personally trying not to act at all. There were points where the acting was so over the top, that it wasn't even funny. One of the only good actors, and he wasn't all that good, was Jonathan Chase who actually was creepy near the end, though they killed him off way to quickly. As for Gary Busey, well, he was in the movie for a whopping 10 minutes.

The plot itself was very bad because it never fully explains anything, nor does it explain where the batter came from and it was never really confirmed that it was Millard as the Gingerbread cookie. The story took place in a closed bakery with glass walls and the main characters where panicking because they were trapped and they needed to find a way out, rather than breaking the windows or using the keys to unlock the door, since they work there. Plus, they were getting worried because the police won't come when one of the character literally ran out the door to look for her dad, who died, and rather than running to the police, she ran back inside. They also never explained who was it that dropped off the evil cooking dough. Also, Cedar's character was stupid enough to run into the wall as the gingerbread man ran into him, thereby becoming a victim of his own stupidity.

There were no scares in this film; even some of the gore and killings were laughable. But wait, there were only 2 dead people. I can't take a talking homicidal gingerbread man seriously and when he lops off fingers, shreds somebody's face or shoots somebody, it's actually quite entertaining in a funny way. The only scary part was when Jonathan Chase's character becomes the essence of the Gingerdead Man, and that in itself was pretty hysterical. I'm sorry, I just can't take a talking gingerbread seriously, even for a horror movie or a supernatural sci-fi it was pushing the box too hard.

However, the was one big aspect of the movie that I did enjoy and that was it's surrealistic atmosphere that practically tributed comic book style scenes as well as 80s horror movies. There was excellent red and green lighting that coincided with the theme of gingerbread and a bakery shop. There were great references to the ingredients of gingerbread cookies that was demonstrated through the lighting and special effects such as sparkles (sprinkles), yellow and some blue lighting (the frosting) and gumdrops. The camera angles were very interesting because they incorporated some great angular shots as well as some great pans and zooms. The camera work itself stayed consistent to the comic book style of setting up scenes with a primary focus and individual or group shots, as well as some POV's. It was an altogether great accomplishment for the technical side of this movie.

Overall, this movie was about as scary as your average Disney fairy tale; it even had its "Disney Magic" to it as well. The acting was insanely stupefied as well as the plot, mainly because it didn't make sense. There were points were I could not look at the movie and just turn away to laugh, because it just wasn't scary. It was if somebody turned the Gingerbread Man from Shrek into an angry, belligerent and more annoying "thing." I would recommend this movie to those who enjoy a good hardy laugh or to those who enjoy a not-so-good quality horror movie. But for those who actually want to be scared, or who are looking for something with a kick, stay away, far away; I didn't so now I'm remorseful.

It sure makes me psyched for the upcoming Gingerdead Man 2: Passion of the Crust. Blah!!!!!

Sometimes you've just gotta watch a stinker, and this undoubtedly fits that bill. It's the brief (but not quite brief enough) saga of a cold-blooded killer who's put to death, then somehow returns to life as a stabbin', laughin', wise-crackin', foot-tall slab of holiday confectionery. As if that premise needed a little extra kick, this monstrous devil-cookie also happens to be voiced by Gary Busey. The concept itself is hilarious for all of ten minutes, but burns out quickly as the plot tries, courageously but hopelessly, to make us care about his victims. It's atrociously acted of course, the equivalent of D-grade porn stars who keep their clothes on, so those misguided storytelling efforts don't even have a fighting chance. A moment rarely passes without some manner of absurd stupidity. If it isn't a particularly bad pun, a wickedly awful special effect or a pathetic dash of vacant dialog, surely there's a glaringly obvious editing mistake in view. We're talking night-becomes-day-becomes-night, several times in the same scene. Removing a baking pan from the oven with bare hands, commenting on how its contents are freshly scorched, then casually setting it aside. Firing seventeen times from a six-shooter. Though it runs for just an hour and ten minutes, that seems about twice as long as it should've. I had almost as much fun glancing at the cover art as I did watching the entire thing.

This man turns into an indescribable mess everything he touches. And "The Gingerdead Man" is the proof. The proof that Band finally lost it. He no longer makes movies, he unmakes them. He demolishes, maims, mauls, distorts, destroys and deforms everything that a movie is. How can this be a movie: it has NO logical plot, in fact, it has no plot at all, it has NO acting, even Busey's acting was shameful, it has NOTHING that makes it a movie. And what genre is it anyway? Comedy? Horror (I doubt it)? Sci-Fi? Trash? Garbage? I tell you: it is a new genre that Band invented: WASTED TIME: LIFE-SUCKING BRAINWASHING ULTRA DULL SENSELESS NOTHINGNESS. People will enjoy Band's movies when he will stop making them. But I cannot blame him anymore, the man is just making a living, hell, at least he made something out of him. But seriously, Charles, if you're reading this, for the love of God, stop. Please, stop. It is enough. You tried and you failed. You are no director, you are no writer. Stick to producing, doll-making or whatever you do. Don't destroy young minds. Don't waste your and our time. And leave Gary Busey alone.