Duck! The Carbine High Massacre

If you are a fan of William Hellfire, Joey Smack, Misty Mundae, or E.I./Alternative Cinema (even though this isnt an e.i. release), then I STRONGLY urge you to buy this movie. I know that the only copies you're going to find are going to be around $40, but it IS worth it, if you collect films from this genre.

You knew it would happen...a spoof (and a hilarious one, at that) of the infamous Columbine High School shootings. Sure, you may go to Hell just for contributing to the film-maker, but what a fun, amusing way to get there! Let's just hope Hell has air-conditioned private rooms with kitchenettes and a big TV set so you can watch all your favorite underground movies....

Anyway, you know the story... I won't even get into that... But the best part of this movie is the "startling" truth behind the excessive media frenzy that follows such violent, shocking crimes, putting the killers on a pedastal like some sort of false idol. Plus, it's somewhat nice and refreshing to see Misty Mundae give a memorable performance without taking off all her clothes and rolling around licking other women's various bodyparts.

My only gripe about this movie is that it takes a little bit too long for the actual bloodshed to start flowing (I say that because I'm a downright gorehound...). But when it does, it is actually pretty brutal and gross, so it's all good. William Hellfire and Joey Smack are perfect as the two idiot "anarchist" teenagers with murder on their minds. A VERY funny, VERY low-budget, and VERY memorable movie.

The massacre at Columbine High School--and the grief of its aftermath drawn out in the mass media--brought the 1990s to a screaming halt in a manner similar to the way Charles Manson's 'family' ended the 1960s on a similarly somber note. In the years that have followed, the incident has been the crux of Michael Moore's "Bowling for Columbine" documentary and Gus van Sant's awful, exploitative art-house take, "Elephant." In Moore's film, more issues than answers are raised, with the ambiguity of motive and reason providing the fuel for discussion and thought; van Sant's film, on the other hand, is 80 shallow minutes that take forever to say absolutely nothing.

"Duck! The Carbine High Massacre" exists in an odd limbo between the above-mentioned films. Not as thought-provoking as Moore's humanitarian view, and not as dull as van Sant's debacle, its biggest claim to fame is being out the gate first (though filmed in 1999, it didn't receive an official video release until last year), though that ultimately isn't saying much. And the rationale for its existence, though the directors claim otherwise, is just as empty as the news media jumping on the handkerchief-wringing bandwagon of sadness carried in the aftermath of the Columbine massacre.

The shot-on-video production (which has the feel of a home movie, thus making its flaws all the more apparent) follows the lives of two put-upon high school kids (played by William Hellfire and Joey Smack) who listen to heavy metal, make bombs, read "Mein Kampf," and are subjected to torture and humiliation by the Alpha Elite, until one day they decide to shoot up the school in a blood-soaked frenzy. The characters are broad stereotypes without names, from a Bible-thumping Puritan, the cheerleader and her jock boyfriend, the gearhead, and the similarly tormented Goth kids--the cast isn't experienced enough and the writing isn't sharp enough to bring off the cutting satire successfully, so the film just winds up wallowing in its over-the-top excess, pandering for our attention.

That's not to say it isn't without its merits--though some of the humor is awkward (when a husband beats up his wife after hearing some heavy metal music, for instance), the youthful characters hit the right notes in spite of their heavy-handed approach. Needless to say, Hellfire and Smack carry this 20-minutes-too-long picture, and exhibit a deeply felt rapport whenever on screen; though their characters are ultimately as clichéd as the bullying jocks, we are sympathetic towards their plight without necessarily agreeing with it.

On the other hand, "Duck!" trots out nerve-obliterating clichés (how many times did we need to see that wounded kid running out of the building, on TV?), unfunny one-liners, and very poor acting by the surrounding adults. It gets to the point where any commentary on school violence is jettisoned for a "Natural Born Killers"-style festival of excess, to the point where the film becomes a chore to watch.

Ultimately, "Duck!" is an unbalanced misfire that takes the good with the bad, but doesn't elicit the strong reaction it is so desperately trying to provoke. What's left is the promise of seeing something of fairer quality from the Hellfire/Smack duo one day, so...better luck next time, guys.

I review another flick with Joe Ned because it wasn't listed on IMDb This flick here is one that people do search so therefore I will review another Tina Krause flick that not that many people has seen. Chloroformed And Cloned Co-Ed. It is out on shock-o-rama VHS and is OOP and very obscure. It's just a piece of trash with really bad acting but what makes it collectible is the fact that Tina Krause is in it, known for her nudity and that is what she does here. From the first minute until the last minute she is walking around with her juggs to show. Only a few times she goes full frontal. The tape I received didn't had any year on it it was made and there's nothing to find on the Web.

The story goes that Suzy Johnson (Tina Krause) and her boyfriend are adding some new kicks towards there sexlife. But Suzy ends up dead after an experiment with chloroform and electrocution. A deranged medical student clones Suzy 16 times. But they all escape and enters a house with a German butcher who only likes to violate them. The story looks promising but it all looks like a spoof. Bad bad acting and only the juggs of Tina are acting better than the thespians themselves. It's ultra low budget, just look at the electrocution scene, the light goes out and back on and it repeats but you can easily hear that someone is playing with the switch.

Total crap but collectible due a few reasons, first, Tina Krause, but also in the acting is John Bacchus who went further to direct a lot of erotic spoofs and flicks. Maybe the best known Play-mate Of The Apes (2002). Alan Spence just turned up one more time as cinematographer in The Vampire's Seduction (1998). Joe Ned also went further as writer and producer in the erotic business. G.W Lawrence was also involved but can't say if it was him as seen in Play Dead (1998)? If you want to see early shock-o-rama's just before Misty Mundae became involved, also seen a lot together with Tina Krause then it's a hunt worthy. Give it 2 on 10 Gore 0/5 Nudity 3/5 Effects 0/5 Story 1/5 Comedy 0/5

i saw this a couple of years ago. i wouldn't normally post my opinion here, but since someone else already has, i'll just say this - i thought this is one of the worst films ever. bad acting, bad script, bad cinematography. bad, bad, bad all around. it looks like a school project made by kids who have no concept of what makes a good film.

i thought it might have some redeeming qualities - like actually having a message or original story - but it didn't. it doesn't look like a spoof at all. it looks like these kids wanted to make a schlocky gore version of the real tragedy for their friends because they weren't satisfied with still pictures in the news or the few clips from CCTV available on the internet.

i had no idea this was listed on IMDb, and i wasn't even aware there was any public controversy about it until recently. if the controversy was so intense that the FBI had to get involved (though i can't understand why), that might be the only historical value this film has.

Avoid this "movie".

If there was a controversy over this movie I never heard anything about it, and the small number of votes here would seem to indicate it was never much of an important topic.

The only controversy that should be related to this movie is whether or not it should qualify as a "movie" at all, since it looks and especially sounds as though it was made by a high school drama club on one of their dad's VHS camcorders.

This is just terrible. Can't believe we made it through the whole thing. And this is coming from someone who actually enjoys watching bad/cheesy movies.