I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here!

You marvel at how desperate some of the contestants must be to perform in this degrading and humiliating spectacle that they gamely undergo in order to get themselves on the front pages of the tabloids.

Originally the format sounded a bit more interesting the the 'Big Brother' format where they sit around in a house all day moaning and swearing. Unfortunately the participants in this sit around in a jungle all day, moaning, swearing... and eating creepy-crawlies. Hardly any noticeable difference.

I suppose it does work for some of the contestants who manage to resurrect their careers (and not necessarily the winners) such as the intensely irritating Joe Pasquale who is now bizarrely popular again, Peter Andre is now famous for being Jordan's husband, and Kerry Katona... least said about those dreadful supermarket adverts the better. I could go on, but most of the contestants have failed to drag themselves out of the obscurity in which they have sunk.

I was turned off of this programme right from the start, but I was persuaded to attempt another viewing by some obsessed friends - a couple of minutes watching someone eat live insects, grubs and then a kangaroo's testicle all the while trying not to vomit confirmed that it was not the show for me. The inane presentation by the two most overrated 'personalities' - Ant and Dec - on television at the moment did little to improve things. The formula is the same as all other reality shows with the group dynamic purposefully engineered to create tension between contestants while the producers appear outraged at any physical conflict. The people chosen seem to fit the same pattern as well, with there always being an out-spoken loudmouth one and a busty woman who has little to offer except looking good in a bikini, etc.

However with healthy viewing figures it is hard to criticise ITV1 for giving the public what they want, as quality drama costs around £800,000 an hour and would not guarantee many more viewers these days. The revenue generated by voting must go some way to plugging the gaping hole left by decreasing advertising revenues. It is hardly any wonder they churn out series after series.

Not a programme I care for personally but it certainly has its fans and it is hardly surprising due to the culture in Britain at the moment where the only ambition people seem to have is to be famous without much regard as to how it happens.

STAR RATING:*****Unmissable****Very Good***Okay**You Could Go Out For A Meal Instead*Avoid At All Costs

Ant McPartlin and Declan Donnelly (or Ant and Dec,as they're more,er,'affectionately' known) are about 26/27 years of age between them.Yet already they've obtained their lifetime acheivement awards at the TV Awards.This is almost certainly down to consistency.They're second only to Davina McCall in terms of the amount of TV they are called upon to present.Failed former soap stars and pop singers,it's as if they're addicted to the profession.In fact,it's almost as if their popularity has soared so greatly,TV writers just randomly think up any old show to get them on TV more.No matter how desperate and tacky the show might look.I'm a Celebrity,Get Me Out of Here! is so manufactured and contrieved it hurts.It's so obvious that it's been concocted as something to sort out the desperately dire state of Saturday night TV,and it's so coy in it's attempts to distract us from thinking otherwise.Make no mistake about it,if you begin to enjoy this (as I sadly did),it's nothing less than a guilty viewing pleasure.So then,we're talking TV that appeals our baser instincts,that appeals to the lowest common denominator.......,ah,let's just watch it.

The tone and feel of the show feels very obnoxious and contemptuous towards the celebrities involved.It sort of requires the viewer to derive some sadistic pleasure out of putting them through such gruelling ordeals (or 'tasks',as they put it) as having maggots poured all over their heads and having to hold live alligators.Of course,this should be another very off-putting aspect to any conscientious viewer.This notion however,is hindered by the fact that a large majority of the celebrities featured aren't particularly self indulgent or egotistical anyway,so seeing them get humiliated isn't as satisfying as the producers probably wanted it to be.Most of them are just faded has-beens in their particular line of show-biz who've enjoyed their 15 minutes of fame and perhaps want to oggle the chance for a little extra time in the limelight (with the noteable exception of stand up comic Rhona Cameron,who was pretty much an unknown before the show was launched but who's career has really taken off since).Glamour model Nell McAndrew,for instance,sets in mind preconceived notions of being a loud,brash slapper type but is in fact a very humble and quiet member of the team who offers a shoulder to cry on for an emotional Christine Hamilton in one touching scene.Magician Uri Geller also never openly offends anyone,but he's kind of amusing because in the scenes where he chats with Nell,he proves what a sad perv he really is by offering to massage her back,claiming his psychic power will calm her,when in fact it's glaringly obvious he just wants to cop as much of a feel as he possibly can.Some could argue Darren Day and Tara Palmer Tomkinson are silly,self obsessed people but no one can deny they provide the show's most entertaining moments,with their bickering and ranting.It would have been more fun to see people like Victoria Beckham,Elton John and Liam Gallagher on there instead,although the chances of that ever happening are remote.In the end,it's,well,just not surprising that reserved,gentlemanly Tony Blackburn wins.

So,it's as see-through as tracing paper,so it's tacky,so it's derivative.Yes,it's all true.I guess it's like smoking.Don't start or you'll get addicted.I sadly did...........and look at me!**

Yes, the people that go into 'the jungle' aren't always technically celebs, but that doesn't mean to say they aren't by the time they come out.

Come November ITV pretty much turn their evening entertainments slots over to 'I'm a Celeb' and are rarely disappointed. It's a long running reality show that hasn't gone stale (take note X Factor) and that's largely because although the format is always the same roughly, the personalities of the celebs going in shake things up each time.

It is of course always held together by the wonderful Ant and Dec, who rightly win awards for it every year.

It's not exactly high brow entertainment, but entertaining it always is

The godfather of celebrity reality shows returns, and it still gets the best billing (prime time ITV) because it's the funniest, and most fun. There's another 'so what' set of celebs, but - like Strictly - the show has shown it can handle that. The secret to its success is everybody's favourite Hiberno-Geordies, Ant and Dec.

You might have expected the show to feel refreshed, then, after Ant (or Dec)'s hiatus last year; but personally I think something has gone that won't return. Maybe his mugging is now genuinely more desperate and cynical; maybe the unwanted insight into his private life just makes it seem that way. But where Dec (or Ant) still manages to convince with the cheeky schoolboy act they've been doing since PJ and Duncan, on the other side of the platform his partner (whichever one it is) is starting to seem just a little bit creepy.

That matters because good nature is the show's keynote; yes it makes people look daft but it never humiliates them, and it's usually the good natured that win it. Admittedly, the days of Jordan and Our Kerry, who had long if troubled careers off the back of it, seem to be over. The TV world has realised that there isn't much it can do with these people after they have thus refreshed their fame; few have any talent except being themselves; at best, they go on to co-host one of I'm A Celeb's own spin-off shows. And now Charlotte thingy has been dropped from Saturday Night Takeaway: Ant and Dec, how could you?

It's that time of year. Big Brother is long over so all other copy-cat reality- turn your brain to mush- programs come crawling out of the wood work to secure ITV1's finances for the next 200 years. This one is probably the most watchable out of this seasons offerings (Celebraty Love Island was a new low point in the history of television) but it's still the same old-same old. Ten or so 'celebraties' (I use the term VERY loosely) are dumped in the 'Austrailian Jungle' (most likely a set behind Woolies in South London) and made to 'fend for themselves' when they are put in 'dangerous situations' (with a team of First Aiders stood by, of course). I have watched one or two of the episodes this year and they failed to hold my interest. My advise, don't watch it. You'll probably get addicted to it and it'll rule your life for 4 or 5 weeks until it finishes and you'll forget about it.

Watch "Life In The Undergrowth" instead.