Love Don't Cost a Thing

Viewers should not be upset with the quality of this tired formula film. It was basically a remake of another tired formula film, "Can't Buy Me Love". If viewers knew their film history they would know to stay clear of sub-par formula films that simply lift plots from even worse sub-par formula films. But Hollywood depends on the stupidity of average viewers who think this is an original and sweet plot about high school fears and wishes to be popular.

Another sad effort for us- the public. The film rates a solid D. Thank you for the time. Off to slice up, or praise another film, maybe a classic like Frankenstein (1932) a Gothic winner!

I'll be fair in saying that I didn't have high hopes for Troy Beyer's "Love Don't Cost A Thing," a movie that stars Nick Cannon and singer Christina Milian in an "urbanized" remake of the 1987 romantic comedy, "Can't Buy Me Love." Original "Can't Buy Me Love" scriptwriter Michael Swerdlick contributes to Beyer's remake script, which features Cannon and Milian in the roles of the geek and the beauty, two roles made famous in 1987 by Patrick Dempsey and Amanda Petersen.

Cannon plays Alvin Johnson a.k.a. "Pool Boy" (he gets his name because he cleans people's swimming pools) and Milian plays Paris Morgan, the most popular girl in school. Alvin is a bit of an automotive genius, if nothing else, since he's trying to win a scholarship to a tech school with the high-tech engine that he and his friends have constructed.

Alvin is tired of being made fun of by the popular kids and decides that he wants a piece of the action, but is unsure of where to search; his friends naturally think he's crazy for thinking up such a scheme. But he's not hearing that though, and he wants memories of their high school years.

He gets his chance when Paris crashes her mom's Cadillac Escalade and he offers to do the repairs. In return, however, she must pose as his girlfriend - for two weeks. Alvin and Paris of course face the strident scorn of the cool kids and pretty soon Alvin grows pretty attached to his newfound fame.

Without really realizing it, he forgets what he already had, being that he makes pariahs out of his best friends, frightens his parents especially the father (Steve Harvey) with his strange behavior, and Paris soon begins to miss the geeky Alvin that she really liked.

"Love Don't Cost A Thing" retreads the familiar territory of most of the high school comedies of yesteryear: the uncool guy gets the pretty girl - after his plan has been exposed - and everything gradually returns to normalcy, and tries to make amends with his friends that he forgot while on his path to glory.

For the first half, "Love" is actually quite fun to watch, and even it brought back memories of my high school career, which I left behind when I graduated in June of 2004.

The second half is where we run into trouble, not because of directing and poor scriptwriting or any other technical difficulties, but because Cannon's transformation seemed to be really... something. I'll be the first to admit that he does some pretty mean things to his friends and to Paris while on his ego trip of popularity; even this is too much and made a little too believable and for that I really despised Alvin for what he did.

Cannon and Milian are a great couple and have great chemistry, but I remembered where it's all going to lead eventually, which is in that same direction that most teen comedies go.

The biggest perk out of it all is that "Love" doesn't resort to gross-out humor and sex gags to really win the interest of the viewer, and for that I'm grateful. Other than that, there's not much else.

***NOTE*** There's one scene that never ceases to amaze me, and that's when Alvin first serves up his proposal to Paris. He makes his move, Paris asks what he wants in return. Alvin looks away, and out comes the priceless line, "Oh what? You think I'm some cheap 'ho?" Alvin of course replies, "No, no sex. I just want to rent you." Paris considers, and then agrees to being his girl. And she puts her foot down about him not thinking about sex, or looking at her booty. Priceless.

"Love Don't Cost A Thing" buys a 5/10

This movie was just okay. Not too sure why they decided to remake this class 80s flick. I still like the original better and Patrick Dempsey made the character much more believable than Nick Cannon can. Loved the scenes of Nick Cannon cleaning the pool and dancing to Michael Jackson. Christina Millian was okay, but the acting was not that great from her. The best actor in the movie were "Alvin"s sidekick friends, Kenan Thompson and Kumar from Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle. The soundtrack was pretty unremarkable and that was one thing I remembered from the original. It was pack full of classic 80s songs. Overall, the plot was as cheesy as the original and pretty hard to believe. Some of the plot was random, such as Christina's boyfriend being in the NBA and cheating on her. Some lines of dialog directly from the original movie.

but it did keep me mildly entertained. A nerd high schooler, Alvin, comes up with the idea of fixing the hotest girl, Paris, in school's car in exchange for her to hang with him for 2 weeks. So, he becomes popular and starts blowing off his old nerd friends. You've seen this plot a thousand times. It had a few humorous moments with Alvins' dad who just wants his son to "score" and stop being a nerd. And Alvins' sister has some funny lines about why he's acting strange. It was a little disappointing to see Alvin treat Paris like crap then of course she realizes she has the hots for him.

One big complaint was that most of the high school kids in this movie looked like they were in there mid-30s, especially Alvin's nerd friends.

FINAL VERDICT: I think it is aimed for a teenage audience, and if you are over 22, I don't recommend it.

You know Hollywood's hard up for material when it starts blowing the dust off movies from as recent as the 1980's to rehash and remake (films that weren't any good to begin with, I might add). `Love Don't Cost a Thing' is a pointless update of `Can't Buy Me Love,' the tale of a high school nerd who hires the hottest babe on campus to pretend to be his girlfriend. His hope is that, through his association with her, he will gain entree into the `cool' crowd at school.

The stereotypes of adolescents that the film presents weren't fresh twenty years ago and they're even less so today. The story is utterly hackneyed and predictable what with Alvin being first an object of scorn, then - after some utterly unconvincing ghetto-`Pygmalion' makeover scenes - finding acceptance in the upper echelon of with-it kids, while at the same time turning his back on and rejecting the fellow nerds who used to be his friends. True to the formula, Alvin eventually learns a lesson or two about what being true to oneself really means.

There are virtually no funny moments in the film and the scenes between Alvin and his sex-obsessed dad begin to border on the creepy. `Love Don't Cost a Thing' may seem clever and fresh to audiences not old enough to have seen many movies, let alone the original on which this film is based. The rest of us with somewhat longer memories will gladly take a pass. What next? A remake of `Howard the Duck'?