The Lord of the G-Strings: The Femaleship of the String

The idea is almost kind of fun. For about 10 minutes, when the thing starts to sag like some of the botoxed bossomy broads passing themselves off as actresses.

The whole thing gets bogged down with so many bad ideas, poor execution and acting so excrutiatingly bad it makes the worst of soap operas look and sound like Shakespeare.

This would be better off as full fledged porn rather than a feeble attempt at aiming towards "B" moviedom. As it is it seriously stinks.

All in all I'd say this flick is about as much fun as a barrel of dead monkeys. Nah, it ain't that much fun.

If you're looking for steamy soft core, this isn't it. It's an actual attempt at comedy, not something Seduction Cinema does well. I've seen several of their movies and this one is the worst so far. As a certified male pig, I was looking for a lot of nudity and as much of that as possible....what I got was a bad comedy and some television-style T&A. Avoid this one, and if you're a big Misty Mundae fan see SpiderBabe or Lust for Dracula instead. I give it a 2 only because Misty Mundae was her ever-amusing self in it.

The comedy isn't mind-bogglingly awful, it's just bad. You will even chuckle at a few places, but overall you'll wish you saw something else. Think you're going to see a lot of g-strings? Think again.

Turn of the millennium softcore starlet Misty Mundae appears in the woods wearing a cloak and addressing the camera. She talks some garbage about "throbbits" and "Dildo Saggins", the character she plays in the flick, and something to do with a g-string.

After some awful CGI, which is thankfully brief, we get a scene of Mundae in the same wood, masturbating. She meets a tall, wizard-type in the forest, and asks if he's there for the throbbit festival.

More awful CGI, and then we are apparently at the "festival", which seems to consist of a few men drinking beer at a picnic table while Mundae and another girl dance on top of it.

Mundae meets a meek individual she calls Ballem who didn't want to see her naked. She comes onto them and they have sex, while, get this - BAGPIPE music plays. I have never heard bagpipes in a sex scene before, I kid you not.

The wizard makes another appearance, inexplicably referencing the most famous line from "American Pie", and then we get the movie's first lesbian sex scene between two unintroduced actresses. The one on the left has obviously fake breasts, the first implants we've seen as well. They are interrupted by a group of men wearing medieval costume, but continue having sex, now with an audience of guys who look like they got lost on the way home from a Renaissance fair.

We then get an ill-advised and inept battle scene. Who the hell wants to see that in a softcore flick?

The battle is interrupted by a bare breasted sex kitten wearing a nifty bondage outfit. She apparently gets killed (no blood or anything) and a guy steals her g-string. I guess that's where the title comes from.

The wizard tasks Dildo (the Misty Mundae/Erin Brown character) to go get the g-string.

There are two guys wearing blue make-up fighting in the woods with a beautiful blonde woman. She saves the life of a purple-hat wearing guy. The woman introduces herself as the queen of the nymphomaniacs - apparently the screenwriters couldn't be bothered coming up with a Lord of the Rings parody title for that, so they just called it what it is.

The nympho queen has sex with the guy she saved while the three "throbbits" (Misty Mundae and two other girls) watch.

A naked woman, with very nice breasts, but a face like Sandra Bernhard, wanders out of the woods and into the "throbbits"' path. A Celtic stereotype (I couldn't tell if he was supposed to be Irish or Scottish) comes out and has a conversation with the naked Sandra Bernhard-lookalike. The movie tries a lot of sly humour aside from its typical porno-parodic names (throbbits, g-strings, Dildo Saggins instead of Bilbo Baggins). This mostly just comes across as lame, as you can imagine.

The three "throbbits" start wanting to put on the g-string. They go to a bar where Mundae has sex with another girl. The attempt to make this bar look like something out of a fantasy movie is pretty half hearted. There are fake shields and swords on the walls, sure, but there are also pool tables.

After having sex on one of these pool tables, Misty seems to become light hearted, and her friends take her back to the woods, where they meet another leather clad woman.

A bad guy is introduced at about the one hour mark. He farts a lot.

A lesbian threesome scene is then shown between the other two throbbits and the leather lady. Mundae wastes little time in joining in.

There's some more rubbish with the late-to-the-party bad guy, which I didn't really try to follow. No one watches this stuff for the "story", obviously, but what story there is is tedious and hard to follow. I wish they'd chosen a simpler story to rip off.

We then get kind of a lesbian orgy in the woods, with seven women going at it all at once. But this is a softcore movie, so they're really just licking each other nipples while biting their lips. And kissing.

The "climax" features a lot more fake fart noises and special effects that you could whip up in Macromedia Flash back in 1997.

At last, the "throbbits" meet some backwards hat wearing guy who appears to be hanging out in the back of a film set - a set the makers of this movie weren't allowed to use, hence all the scenes in the woods. They get the g-string from the guy, meet the Sandra Bernhard-type again, and end the movie with a little three-way.

This movie really didn't do much for me and I was glad when it was over.

OK first its soft-core porn, if you don't like a lot of soft lesbian scenes you may as well go elsewhere. As far as porn rip offs of well known films go this isn't bad. The characters are easy enough to laugh at, Erin Brown (Aka Misty Mundae) is hysterical as the main character and her wizard mentor Smirnof will have you in stitches. The plot is of course a very simplified version of the Tolkien books with as many sex based jokes as they could cram into one script. The effects are cheap and so are the costumes but you won't care. The actors know they are making a cheap parody and they run with it playing it for laughs all the way. There are several times they break the fourth wall but if it worked for Groucho it can work for this film. Grab a beer or 6 and some pretzels, but try not to drink to fast or you may end up doing spit takes while watching this.

Okay, admittedly, this is a bad movie, but it's so bad it's funny.

The girls are hot, the acting is bad, the breasts are, for the most part, small, but the costumes are nice, the outfits on the girls are worth the price of rental... so if you want to laugh, check it out.