Torque, la route s'enflamme

In reviewing the incredible annoying House of the Dead, I wrote, 'Why flirt with the concept of overkill when you can make it say 'whose your daddy?' Torque does not flirt with overkill; Torque *is* overkill's daddy, and it was fun.

Just a few hours before I watched Scary Movie 3 and that film barely managed to summon a chuckle from me. Torque had me in stitches before the first sixty-seconds were up. After years of watching 'serious' films with ridiculously over the top chase sequences (especially lately), finally a movie comes along and puts them all in their place. I have waited a long time for a racing-movie to recognize its own lameness and just (knowingly) go for all the over-the-top stunts it can possibly collect in a loosely strung together plot about a bunch of stereotyped misfits no one really cares about.

As stated above, the key was the fact this film does not take itself seriously. Take for example the MTV quick-cut commercial editing style, its overly colorful nature in sets and props, the comic-book-ish camera angles, the overused CG for impossible camera/bike moves, and the lighting which left the high-contrast shadows in mid-day. Want more? How 'bout when a bike speeds past a road sign, making it do a Looney Toonsesque-spin, and if you look carefully you can see the words 'Cars Suck?'

Everything perfectly matched the goal this film set out to hit, which is basically a tongue-in-cheek XBox game on the silver screen so commenting on the characters and plot seems virtually pointless. It's about as well developed as most action films-characters and plot serve enough purpose to get the bikes from chase scene A to chase scene B while poking fun at characters/lines from other racing films. No more no less.

I personally loved Torque. Would I recommend it to friends, family, or Joe-Shmoe who happens to pass me by in the video store? Well . . . for those who watch films with an anal eye and point out, 'That's not a logical plot point. That defies the laws of physics. That's the single stupidest thing I've ever seen in cinema?' No. Heck no. Don't even pick up the box. However, for those who can watch a film where the comedy lay not in punch lines rather in the style -- a film that's a celebration of all things lame in all of cinema's over-glorified chase scenes? Have a blast and join in with Torque's mockery of the genre.

A lot of people think that I love the "Charlie's Angels" movies because I think they're "so bad, they're good", when that's actually not true. On the contrary, I think they are pretty smart (especially in the precise way they constantly reference pop culture in clever and heartfelt ways). And yes, they are totally silly and unrealistic and goofy, but what I like about that is that it's completely intentional (which is what most people don't get, and is so obvious to me).

"Torque", on the other hand, is a perfect example of a movie that is TRULY so bad, it's good. Or at least enjoyable in a surreal, lunatic sort of way. This movie seriously doesn't have a brain in its head.

In every sense a B-movie, it most resembles those gleefully exploitive, low-budget movies that Roger Corman and Russ Meyer made decades ago, where biker gangs did battle with their switchblade-toting girlfriends at their side. And it's every bit as silly as it sounds, which could be either good news or bad news for you, depending on what kind of filmgoer you are.

Personally, I knew it was crap the whole time, but still had a blast watching it. The story is ridiculous and the dialogue is ludicrous (these characters exist in a world where when a girl says "Nice bike", the guy says "Nice a**" and she LIKES it). But I cannot fully resist a movie in which two improbably beautiful biker chicks stare each other down on their bikes in a photogenic, deserted alleyway (both of them in front of huge product logos, for extra giggles), one of them yells "Bring it on, b****!", the other whips out a switchblade, and then they charge! As a classic B-movie enthusiast, I offer no apologies for having fun watching a scene like that.

It's really not all bad, either. Martin Henderson and Monet Mazur have some genuinely nice and tender scenes together, and the great, color-conscious cinematography makes everything look so shiny you could eat off the screen. Jamie Pressly is an absolute hoot as the evil biker chick, and Adam Scott scores some laughs as a conceited F.B.I. agent.

Also, several of the action scenes are pretty amazing, once you get over the idea that this movie is obviously not taking place on planet Earth, but rather some video game universe or a 12 year-old's dream.

I wish Ice Cube was off doing the kinds of good movies he used to make (like "Three Kings", the original "Friday", "Boyz N The Hood", "Higher Learning", "Ghosts Of Mars"...), but he contributes some laughs as one of the heavies here. I do wish he had changed his expression at least once, though. You know the one where he grits his teeth and curls his upper lip so that he look like he hates your guts and steam is about to come out of his ears? That's the one that he has throughout the entire movie.

Basically, I'm not gonna fight for this movie or anything, I realize it's of essentially no value. I'll just say that it made it easy for me to shut off my brain and I enjoyed it, and maybe you will too. I give "Torque" 3 stars the same way I would give "Switchblade Sisters" 3 stars. They're awful and cheesy, but a hell of a lot of fun, and that counts for something, doesn't it?

Well, I've just killed 81 minutes of a Sunday evening watching "Torque".

And I enjoyed it!

The chase scenes got more ludicrous as the movie progressed, finally ending up with a CGI orgy that bore little resemblance to real life (in fact it was pure arcade game).

The plot was also fairly predictable, drawing plot elements & ideas from movies as varied as "The Fast & The Furious", "Tron" and "The Warriors", with the ever-popular "bent cop" thing thrown into the mix as well.

But the chicks were seriously HOT, the dudes looked cool, Ice T was at his sneering, snarling baddest best and the heavy-metal soundtrack drove the film along at a great pace.

The 3.0 rating here doesn't do it justice and on balance I'd say that if you don't sit down to watch this expecting any sort of high-brow entertainment and enjoy seeing good-looking girls in tight biker costumes and some fast-paced action, you won't be too disappointed.

The whole setup of this movie is to make cash. From the beginning the movie just looks overproduced. When I tuned in I even thought it was some kind of commercial, and I was right because this whole movie is basically a advertisement for motorbikes. The way a sign at the start reads "cars suck", the comments throughout the film "thats why I hate 4 wheels!". Its pretty obvious, even though you can't really take stuff like that serious.

There are a lot of errors in this film as well, but what I didn't like about this film is that it focuses too much on the bikes and vehicles. Believe me when I say that this has nothing else to offer then people racing against each other with a very thin plot about a guy who gets framed for a murder he didn't commit. Thats basically the entire premise of this movie, so if you are not into bikes and cars (yes those people exist) then you can scratch this movie from your list now.

One aspect that was not that bad was the use of CGI to create a kind of hyperdrive-feeling during some of the driving/chase scenes. But again, this feels like a bike-commercial quickly. Hell, they could paste a Yamaha-logo at the end of a driving-sequence in Torque and there you go; a perfect TV-commercial.

The characters also are nothing different from the typical Hollywood-stuff, and they are just as thin as the plot they are representing. The acting could be worse, but the dialog is the most awful and laughable tripe you will ever hear. If bikes are your life and you always wanted something like Fast and the Furious but with bikes then give this a try, if you want a good movie then just avoid this.

This movie has tones of high octane thrills it almost makes you forget about a storyline. Because the story seems to drag itself around. For its action moments that seems to come in every 5-10 minutes of the movie. If not for the action this movie would be dull. Martin Henderson seems to do allright, and so does Ice Cube. But it's Monet Mazur, who seems to have a great blend of beauty and toughness in her role. I think she can have a great career ahead of her. The action was awesome, but acting was dull. But then again I thought Fast and The Furious was no better. It does'nt try to be anything truly terrific, it just tries to be a movie you can enjoy with your friends.