Death Run to Istanbul

Now, I've seen my share of rather bad movies. White Fire. Carnival Magic. Friday the 13th part 2, Super Ninja Zombie Master, The Mexican, etc. So I think I have a lot of backing when I can come out and say this is really a waste of a lot of things. Talent is not one of these things. No talent is wasted here, because there is no talent. I don't know how the women of this company (of the three "movies" I've seen by this company, Flight to Danger, Street Angels, and this one, two were written by women, and subblimate some hokey feminist values, i.e., R.A.D. funding, ugly women and "stud" guys)...are on. I don't think they expected much from these films, but they'll live on forever on DVD thanks to Brentwood (yay brentwood!). I don't know where to begin. This "movie" is just a mess. A total and complete mess. I've had more concise and clear acid trips. Let me just list a few of the "films" biggest problems: -long, borring, unaudible and visually unapealing scenes. -random, borring "martial arts" fights. -incoherent "plot" (if it even has one- guess what, nobody ever goes to istanbull!) - scene continuity (ugh, where to begin- second to last scene you can hear the director say "cut!", girl is shown escaping, but then shown still captured in next scene) I'm getting flashbacks just thinking about it, so I'm going to stop now, but believe me when i say i could write a 100 page paper on why this thing is a complete disaster (not that i plan to). It was a sort of funny movie in its baddness, but it really is quite bad. The coolest part of the film was the underused big-muscle mamma "Kat". If you want to have a good time, read the back of the brentwoods "women that kick butt" dvd synopsis of the movie, then watch the movie and see how much they flat-out lied to you (I still love you Brentwood).

Just to point out some details: the cast is not exactly talented, there is basically no story (falling asleep while you carry a full briefcase of drugs? escaping from a flat and then staying to hang out in the street just one block from there?), continuity is

missing (there is a swimming pool sequence with lots of people in one scene and basically no one in the next one), props are useless (a tv remote control as a mobile phone), and camerawork is just awful (wait for 4 seconds for a car to arrive in the scene?).

Problems with this are:

• Comic-bookesque dialogue with poor delivery and unconvincing, stilted interactions.

• 1-dimensional characters with unclear motives. General disorganision in shooting. i.e. Camera-mans shadow, by-standers.

• 10,000, 15,000 or 50,000 dollars needed? Well, what's the difference anyway... Why does the main character run so slowly!!!!?

• This movie is practically a show-reel for some mediocre martial artists who have mistakenly dabbled in speaking parts.

• Shot with a consumer-quality handi-cam.

• Inappropriate use of music.

• And, inappropriate use of music.

Some movies are bad, and as such are enjoyable if for no other reason that they are easily ridiculed. Or, that its clear that the producers intended the movie to be bad, and did not take it seriously. This movie is beyond bad, it sucks on a level I have rarely seen before, and the actors clearly think that they are in some high budget "A" film. The creature in the movie, which I believe was a body building Ru-paul, was probably the most disturbing part of this movie. The only movie I can think of that was decidedly worse was a movie called "Flight to Danger". I had the misfortune of buying "Women who kick butt", a 5 DVD 10 movie set on clearance. I'll have to see if the remaining 8 movies are the same sort of drek as these.

It won't take you more than five minutes to realize how bad "Death Run to Istanbul" is. Production values, acting, plotting, sound mix, "action" choreography, etc. are all pitiful. Most people gave it 1/10, and I don't blame them. However, I have a soft spot for women who practice martial arts, and this film has three of those, so I'll give it a 2. Just two trivial observations:

1) Don't believe the title. The people who made this film barely had enough money to shoot outside their neighborhood, much less in Istanbul.

2) Near the end a unknown music band appears out of nowhere and plays a song. I assume they were friends of some cast or crew members, but I hope they didn't seriously think that appearing in this film was going to be their "big break".