The Stabilizer

I would like to start by saying I can only hope that the makers of this movie and it's sister film The Intruder (directed by the great unheralded stylist auteur that is Jopi Burnama) know in their hearts just how much pleasure they have brought to me and my friends in the sleepy north eastern town of Jarrow.

From the opening pre credit sequence which manages to drag ever so slightly despite containing a man crashing through a window on a motorbike, the pitiless destruction of a silence lab, the introduction of one of the most simultaneously annoying and anaemic bad guys in movie history and costume design that Jean Paul Gautier would find ott and garish. Make no mistake; this is a truly unique experience. Early highlight - an explosion (get used to it, plenty more where that came from!) followed by a close up of our chubby heroine and the most hilarious line reading of the word "dad" in living memory. And then... the theme song...

Yeah, this deserves its own paragraph. Sung by AJ, written by people who really should wish to remain anonymous, it makes the songs written for the Rocky films sound like Schubert. This is crap 80's hero motivation narcissism at an all time high, with choice lyrics such as "its only me and you, its come down to the wire" and much talk of having to "cross the line" (it'll make sense in time - our hero cares little for the boundaries of bona fida police work) abounding. Not to mention the Indonesian Supremes cooing the film's title seductively. At this point anyone wishing to switch off officially has no pulse.

Our hero is Semitic cop Peter Goldson (essayed brilliantly by Intruder star Peter O'Brien), the "stabilizer" of the title. The man's bull in a china shop approach to crime fighting and particularly his less than inconspicuous undercover work truly leaves much to be desired, but he is without question an entertaining guide through the mean streets of downtown Jakarta, with local sleaze ball connection Captain Johnny in tow, as well as Peter's own waste of space partner in fashion crime Sylvia Nash, who does little. So many highlights, so little time - the "slide please" arrogance of Peter's not all too convincingly argued case against chief baddie Greg Rainmaker (Intruder fans will know hirsute slimy bastard Craig Gavin as the monstrous John White - helluva name eh? No! Oh well...), the x marks the spot location map stupidity, our hero taking horrible advantage of heroine Tina Probost during a moment of weakness on her behalf, the latter turning up at a sting operation dressed like a member of a particularly flamboyant dancing troop. And believe me that barely covers it.

There wasn't even time to go into the plot revolving around the hunt for a drug detection system and a kidnapped professor with an alarming but commendable amount of national pride. Or our hero turning up at a funeral dressed as if an extra on Boogie Nights. Or the absolutely hysterical craic between Captain Johnny and Goldson - two guys have never made more heavy weather of buddy buddy shtick than these clowns. The trowel was possibly too subtle me thinks.

Ah it tails off people, and you never thought scenes of wanton destruction and general mayhem could be so unbelievably boring, but the character interaction is stupendous, the dialogue truly priceless and the incompetence on show somehow endearing. Oh and the shoes people - watch out for the shoes!

The acting is poor, the plot is thin, but who cares? "The Stabilizer" delivers non-stop action! In my estimation, at least 75 out of this movie's 90 minutes feature some form of action - vehicle chases, fight scenes, gymnastics, shootouts, explosions, crashing through walls and floors, etc. The action is outrageous, bloody, funny, destructive, and overall very enjoyable to watch. Peter O'Brian (probably one of the worst actors ever, but that's beside the point) is notable for his unorthodox fighting style, which can best be described as bull-in-a-china-shop. One of the things I really liked about this film is that it gives the women, and there are several of them, a significant part of the action, and they are almost equally as deadly as the men, with or without a gun in hand. If you enjoy Jackie Chan's Hong Kong movies but wish they were more R-rated, you'll probably like "The Stabilizer" as well. It's as unpretentious as an action movie can get. **1/2 out of 4.

From the opening theme (which by the way happens to include women singing Sta-bil-izer), you know this is cinematic gem. This film regards the exploits of one, the Stabilizer in his quest to thwart the villan (Greg Rainmaker) whose nefariousness is capped of by raping the Stabilizers girlfriend and then stomping her to death with his cleets (this is all done off screen while the camera focuses in on a picture of the Stabilizer that his girlfriend happened to have in her room). Not to mention that Greg Rainmaker has also captured a important scientist, with the assistance of the Indonesian Mr. T, and an endless supply of look-a-like henchmen. How will our hero ever prevail, or in this case Stabilize? Well, if Stabilization has anything to do with exploding and or killing everything in site, then the forces of good are bound to prevail. The Stabilizer in this film, rides dirt bikes onto peoples faces, fist fights at least a hundred guys with machine guns, sets fire to warehouses, puts a criminal underling in a barrel which he then roles around in the back of a truck and jumps off a helicopter while shooting it cause it to explode. Not to mention sleeping with the girl who he had just met. Hot. Not five minutes goes by in this film without some form of overt action and or destruction. And as it is conducted by guys with greasy 70's haircuts, well, it just doesnt get any better than that.

What's the most violent movie of all time? Rambo III? Commando? Robocop? Add these three very violent together, and you still won't equal the carnage in The Stabilizer, the wildest, silliest, craziest action movie I have ever seen. For one hundred minutes things blow up and people die in dozens of strange ways. It will make you laugh and cheer, and when it's all over you'll be more than a little exhausted. This movie is a buried gem, a cult classic sadly lacking a cult.

The Stabilizer is the nickname of our hero Peter Goldson (Peter O'Brian), a large oily man with a curly mullet. He arrives in Indonesia on the trail of the villainous and mean Greg Rainmaker. We know he is evil because he is only referred to by his full name ("I hate SCUM like Greg RAINmaker!") and utilizes a method of killing that is so horrible I can't even utter it here. Wait, yes I can. He steps on people in spiky shoes. Greg Rainmaker: Cleat Killer.

When Greg Rainmaker isn't pouring alcohol on women for their sexual pleasure, he's kidnapping important professors and heading a huge underworld empire. It's up to Goldson (A Jewish action hero? Gevalt!) and his motley crew of sidekicks to stabilize the situation by killing everyone and blowing lots of stuff up. Maybe "stabilize" has a different meaning in Indonesia.

And the violence, oh the violence. This is a film unwilling, nay, uncapable, of letting five minutes of screen time go by without some sort of explosion, knifing, car crash, or squib interrupting the dialogue. The violence is extreme; not graphic and bloody, just really weird. For example, The Stabilizer & company invade one of Rainmaker's warehouses (by driving through a solid concrete wall on a motorcycle, of course). When perched on the balcony, with heavy fire coming from below, The Stabilizer does the one thing he can do. He drives off the balcony into the guy's head, his front tire bouncing off it like a basketball. Astounding.

From the overly-gratuitous love scenes (Both major female characters hop in the sack with the hero of their choice not two minutes after they speak to them alone for the first time) to the poorly dubbed dialogue ("Victor, you talented bastard!") The Stabilizer has it all. This is a film for the ages, right up there with Citizen Kane and Gymkata. It is not widely available in release. If you find it anywhere for any price, buy it and relish the insanity.

Do you like explosions? How about fighting? Well, this movie has both of those. You know the other thing you can't have a movie without: a kick ass motorcycle, the type that bounces off someone's head and knocks them out at the same time. You bet the Stabilizer has one. There's even a classic cliff scene.

All in all, I'm quite proud that I have even seen this movie...and even prouder to have my review be the first one...YES!