- Paul Heyman: So close, and yet so very far away. This is what being the tag team champions, means to each one of these teams.
- Gene Okerlund: [On the entrance of Duke 'The Dumpster' Droese] You've got to admire a man carrying a garbage can.
- Bobby Heenan: Why?
- Jim Ross: Son of a bitch! Stone Cold Steve Austin has sold his soul to Satan himself to win the WWF title!
- Mick Foley: Michael Cole, I am offended. Are you suggesting I'll be a bias referee? I mean sure, Vince McMahon fired me on national TV and had me brutally beaten up for my kids to see, but I'm not bitter.
- Bobby Heenan: By the time The Iron Sheik gets to the ring, it'll be Wrestlemania 38!
- Jim Ross: Hey! there's Lita! Lita, jerkin' Edge off... the ladder.
- Paul Heyman: They're shaking hands!
- Jim Ross: STONE COLD IS SHAKING HANDS WITH SATAN HIMSELF! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SOMEONE TELL ME THIS IS NOT HAPPENING!
- Jim Ross: The Dudleys from Dudleyville, just outside of Parts Unknown, I believe.
- Bobby Heenan: Repo man! Last week he repoed his own car! He's nuts!
- Jim Ross: [Stone Cold locks The Rock in the Million Dollar Dream] The Million Dollar Dream! Austin taught that hold by Ted DiBiase when he was the Ringmaster!
- Paul Heyman: What won't Steve Austin do to become the champion?
- Jim Ross: Austin hasn't used that maneuver in years!
- Jim Ross: Austin and McMahon might as well urinate on the Rock thats what they done to him.
- Bobby Heenan: [On Sgt. Slaughter] That was then, now he shoots blanks!
- Bobby Heenan: [On Iron Skeik] He moves like Carl Lewis and looks like Sherry Lewis AND Lamb Chop!
- Bobby Heenan: [after footage of Gobbly Gooker hatching is shown] Yeah and just think Gene of how many eggs you've laid since then.
- Bobby Heenan: P.S. Michael Hayes! The man who taught Michael Jackson how to moon walk!
- Jim Ross: [during Chyna's match with Ivory] What a clothesline! I guess we call that a Chyna-line.
- [brief pause]
- Jim Ross: Or maybe not.
- Paul Heyman: Let's stick with maybe not.
- Bobby Heenan: [the Bushwhackers lick Mean Gene] They are licking Mean Gene.
- Jim Ross: Tonight as far as the Undertaker is concerned Game over!
- Paul Heyman: Stone Cold Steve Austin has sold his soul for the WWF title. We are witnessing something that will be talked about for years to come.
- Jim Ross: I don't believe this. What the hell! Son of a BITCH! Son of a BITCH I don't believe this!
- Jim Ross: I can't believe this. I thought I knew Austin. I thought I knew the Texas Rattlesnake!
- Paul Heyman: Stone Cold Steve Austin has sold out his fans. He sold out YOU, and all of his fans, right down the river and you know what? You have to say, a leopard will never change his spots, because he's a rattlesnake, and that's what a rattlesnake will do.
- Jim Ross: Mr. McMahon brought the chair in the ring and now Austin's using it on the Rock. There's no disqualification. Austin beating the living hell out of the Rock with a McMahon-endorsed steel chair, come on Steve, stop! What the hell is this? What the hell is this?
- [Mr. McMahon echoes the count to 3]
- Paul Heyman: It's a new champion!
- [bell rings]
- Paul Heyman: Kane scares the hell outta me and I'm a fearless guy!
- Jim Ross: Lets not carried away but!...
- Paul Heyman: You should of saw this coming Stone Cold is a Rattlesnake and thats what a Rattlesnake will do to you.
- Jim Ross: I thought I knew that man I thought I knew Steve Austin I was in the hospital when he came out of surgery.
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