Arthur's Dyke

Caught this late last night on UK BBC 1 - Wish I hadn't.

What could have been a pretty good film was badly let down by one of the worst scripts I have ever seen in British film of this type.

Stereotypical characters of the very worst type.

90% of this film was rendered unwatchable by dialogue that comes across as written by a 13 year old.

EG - Lets have a gay hotel owner. Make him camp it up like John Inman on crystal meth. Then give him some dialogue that would have been kicked out of the worst "Carry On". "Fricasee", yeah what a hoot.

A great shame.

This British (very) light comedy, is a conventional modern Pilgrims Progress that attempts to do for the Offa's Dyke long-distance walking path what "Shirley Valentine" did for Greece and "Educating Rita" did for the Open University.

The cluster of UK TV-hits acting talent did their best with the script, but ultimately were unable to get past the contemporary clichés and cardboard characterisations. Since the star was meant to be the landscape and a flavour of how nice it is to walk through the English/Welsh Countryside, the director should have gone the whole hog and treated us to the best spectacle the location has to offer. However, the shots are fine enough, authentic and evocative, and that's what kept me awake late at night watching it right through to the end. And the message of the story - that I have turned into a TV/computer couch-potato, managed to hit home.

Just for the record, Offa's Dyke was the Anglo-Saxon equivalent of the Berlin Wall, (or, to be more up to date, the Palestine Wall.) It is 180 miles long, and built by Offa, King of Mercia, in the latter half of the 8th century to separate the Welsh from the English. Today it winds through English and Welsh Counties, thus one gets a bit of both, which the film conveys.

I wanted to give it 5.5 heading for 6 by my scoring method, but for some reason I settled on 5, probably through feeling embarrassed for the competent team of actors, and the UK comedy industry as a whole.

Despite so much acting talent between the main characters, the script, direction, premise and plot are all atrocious. Looks like it was made for Sunday evening consumption. Should have been a made-for-cable or not made at all. Avoid!

Nice lightweight late night BBC film with a lot of familiar UK television faces such as the ever reliable Robert Daws . Could have done with more of Brian Conley as Pauline Quirke's unfaithful husband . His insensitive oafs are always a laugh . Check him out as Doug Digby , the bullying PE teacher in The Grimleys , an overlooked UK comedy of a few years back .

The scenery is , of course marvelous . Could be a tourist ad for Wales. Arthur's (or Offa's ) Dyke is spectacular . Two highpoints , for the " lads " are the almost Carry On scenes with Ellie Beaven and Rebecca Lacey . Gratuitous but fun . Worth seeing .

I watched this film because I have recently returned from visiting the Offa's Dyke Information Centre in Prestatyn. I have an interest in the ancient path. Unfortunately the film isn't interesting enough. The story follows three chaps who previously walked along the route during their university days, and twenty years later they attempt to do it again. Meanwhile, housewife Janet (Pauline Quirke) wants to walk the path, too, but her ignorant husband (Brian Conley) isn't interested in her or what she wants. So Janet decides to set off on her own. The three chaps are Arthur, the loud, obnoxious womaniser; Geoffrey, the rich businessman who takes his laptop and mobile on the trip; and Andy, the quieter one who has a disease and hasn't long to live. Janet meets the fellows and we follow the four of them. Throw into the mix Dennis Waterman has a private investigator, two Swedish lady walkers, a woman who stalks Geoffrey and demands him to impregnate her, a twitcher who dies, a bar of rowdy squaddies and a country Western dance, and it might sound appealing and lively, but somehow it isn't. It ultimately feels vacuous. I think the running time of 106 minutes is too long. This would have worked better has a one-hour TV programme.