Antoine et Cleopatre

I had become accustomed to the format of Joe D'Amato's '90s XXX-ers, but then I saw his take on Shakespeare's (or is it George Bernard Shaw's?) Antony & Cleopatra. Whoa Nelly!

It's a shame since Big Joe expertly cast Olivia Del Rio as Cleo -she's a porn actress with almond-colored skin, big fake breasts and an intriguing visage -just right for the role. But she's stuck in a picture so bad it's in the lowest 5 percentile of D'Amato's already low-low output.

First boner (pun intended) is casting Hakan Serbes as Antony. The big galut looks like he just stepped in off the set of a Rocco Siffredi boxing movie, with urban gang-banger (the wrong kind) haircut and broken nose. Making matters worse, in a poverty row (even for porn) production with threadbare costumes and horribly under-dressed sets, Hakan is wearing foot-gear that looks like basketball high-tops, not the intended period sandals. He's a total disaster.

But of course, none of the above is why he was hired. Hakan delivers fountains of ejaculation money shots over and over here that would do Peter North proud. That's what the fans pay to see and that's what Joe delivers.

Until the tedious, overlong picture winds down with Octavian defeating our heroes (off-screen of course), we have various intrigues and subplots including an amateurishly staged assassination of Caesar on the steps of the senate, antics of Antony's wife Octavia, and other pointless drivel. Olivia emerges as the Anal Cleopatra, given to plenty of posterior action and in one ludicrous scene taunting Antony by having guest star Roberto Malone and another bloke double penetrate her two times over while he's forced to watch, then giving Hakan sloppy seconds.

The supporting femmes are not attractive or even well-built this time around, a departure from D'Amato's usually impressive female stock company. Del Rio also personified APHRODITE in another D'Amato opus, but at least that one featured the scrumptious Ursula Moore in support.

IMDb erroneously dates this one as 1998, referring to a belated video release in Canada, but the print bears a 1996 copyright.

This movie has those 2 amazing bonus : D'Amato as a talented director who really knows how to make a adult movie with a plot, a production and intensive sexual scenes ! It's all the more good that this cheap production wants to recreate ancient Egypt and Rome and like the old movies, with the help of poor footages, exotic locations and buildings, right simple costumes, you feel like you are indeed back in time ! I'm not a historian but it looks like the historical facts have been respected with maybe the most funny ever assassination of Cesar : no blood, plastic knives, moans and kids like acting ! Next, Olivia is the exceptional jewel : she exudes sensuality and desire and unlike others babes, she is an experimented and versatile player in bed ! So, this is really a good movie that sticks out in a soup of turnips !

Give them some Costumes and say they are Antony and Cleopatra - more is not possible if D'Amato makes a movie of this Kind. Plot - for what a plot? If we let Fu*k some ugly men with some much more uglier woman. But for this we don't need a "Big Budget" Porn-Movie. And then there is the Question - for what a Big Budget here? There's nothing more than some Costumes and papier-maché-Culisses. No other Action then fu*king and so on. Historically a Disaster - but I've not expected more than this.

Absolutely not worth to be watched.

2/10 - because they do something. This not good - but it's more than only standing around.