Gargoyles

This is a very bad movie, with B-grade Australian actors and a very bad script. The story is based in a small "American" town, which is so obviously Sydney, Australia! The Aussie actors attempt (poorly) American accents and their Aussie accents shine through often, especially Jesse Spencer's. Also, the attempts at making the cars appear like they're left-hand drives and driving on the "other" side of the road (ie the right-hand side of the road) is poorly done. I was embarrassed to be an Australian watching this crud!

CURSE OF THE TALISMAN is a hilariously cheesy family-friendly horror adventure movie that seems to have been shot in Australia with a mainly Australian cast, although it masquerades as an American flick. The cast is headlined by ex-NEIGHBOURS actor Jesse Spencer (he played Billy Kennedy in the long-running Aussie soap) who plays a high school student who accidentally comes into possession of an ancient talisman and the associated gargoyle that goes with it.

I don't know where to start with this one but the script would be a good place. CURSE OF THE TALISMAN belongs in the 1980s with the cheesiness of the dialogue and the constant one-liners along the lines of "Kiss my ass, dork!". Of course nobody has ever talked like this in real life, only in the fantasy world of movies. The acting is pretty horrid, with stilted line delivery throughout, and more than a few cast members seem distinctly awkward at being present.

The horror of the storyline comes from the gargoyle monsters who populate the movie, and boy are they poor. A central monster is kept hidden beneath a desk for a good while and for good reason: CURSE OF THE TALISMAN employs some ultra-poor CGI effects that are about on par with the quality of a Playstation 1 game. Still, there's a lot of action here, and goofiness, which makes it a film that's hard to hate; it's just not a very good one either.

Oh dear, what a disaster.

So we have a bunch of gargoyles shipped over from Yorkshire. They have a talisman serving as the blue touch-paper. Use blood to light. The gargoyles break out into little beasties that will devastate a chosen town as some kind of retribution for collective sins. Spawned in Medieval times using black magic. Oh yes. And let nobody ask for any more detailed information than that, as we only spent 10 minutes on back story.

Billy from 'Neighbours' faffs about with his poor accent. Though I shall go easy on the lad. Aussie talk is English with a twang. US talk is a different twang coupled with over pronunciation. Still, Selina from 'Home and Away' manages quite well.

Oh, the film. Starts ok. Beastie gets free, whole movie plummets. It becomes slow, we all know what's going to happen. Scenes are crowbar'd in to explain stuff. Subplots are thin and awkward. Beastie vision is like looking through a pint of snakebite'n'black. Beastie will viciously wolf down sausages and cooked meat, but kills dogs with a slight graze of the belly and leaves them.

Just once in one of these movies I want a crazy character to rant and rave about totally implausible demon, and the other guy not spit on him and call him a drunk loony, but instead just randomly help him hunt his demon as they've got nothing better to do.

I shall blame the director for the excessive cheese factor towards the end. People just don't behave in the way that is filmed here. A mild recovery is made in the last 10 seconds, which makes me think the story was told from the wrong point of view.

The plot had potential, which is probably why it is now a movie. But it needed more thought and filling out. About 70% will laugh at it, 10% will love it. 20% will be checking the skies for flying... what's that.. aaaaggh.

I couldn`t fail to notice the very harsh comments CURSE OF THE TALISMAN is getting on this page . Okay I admit a film featuring stone gargoyles from ye olde England turning up in Australia with murder on their mind isn`t going to be a classic movie but there were two things I should point out to everyone

1 ) The lack of gore . So it`s a TVM therefore there`s restrictions , but regardless of why it`s a nice change to see a horror movie without arms and legs getting bitten off every five minutes

2 ) Praise the lord there`s no CGI . As far as I could see the gargoyle effects were achieved by stop frame animation . I hope to see this special effect reintroduced into all films that require it because I got fed up with CGI in nineteen ninety something

Oh and weren`t those gargoyles cute ?

A crate of medieval relics delivered to Elmsford Museum falls into the wrong hands, and young Jeremy finds himself in possession of a sinister talisman. When a strange bat-like creature escapes from his cellar he has to take time out from romancing Fiona to save the town from an army of demons.

Sure it sounds good but it couldn't be any less scary, and includes every horror film cliche in the book. The first two-thirds of the film really drags, I found myself checking my watch, which is never a good sign.