Gang Land 2010: Les barbares de l'apocalypse

The heroes are good actors (I'm a big Kathleen Kinmont fan) but they're surrounded by bad guys who never went to acting school and a director who couldn't have cared and simply slept through the filming. The movie had potential, the director failed miserably.

This movie is hilariously awful. Everyone who had anything to do with it should be ashamed of themselves. Ashamed! (Especially Ice-T, who doesn't just embarrass himself, but actually disgraces his entire bloodline.)

You got your bad acting. You got your ridiculous costumes. You got your gratuitous (and I mean really, really gratuitous) boobs. You got your completely incoherent script. You got your totally random mutant Frankenstein's monster type thing. In one scene, our heroes load up on firepower; in the next, they have to fight bad guys hand to hand; two minutes later, they're armed and dangerous again. The plot hangs together about as tightly as a group of divas forced to share a dressing room. And my god, the exposition!

You got your tragic heroes, of course. A guy whose wife and daughter were murdered by the bad guys and spends a lot of time brooding about it. Another guy whose brother is murdered before his eyes by the bad guys in one of the early scenes and spends about five minutes throwing a tantrum before apparently forgetting all about it in the heady rush of beating dudes up. And I especially like how these two stumble across the female lead just lying there under a tree. They roll her over, she wakes up, and what do you know, it turns out the bad guys killed her sister! Coincidence... or conspiracy?

And of course, there's also a scientist whose family is being held prisoner by the bad guys. Because I guess they ran out of fake blood or something.

You will laugh uncontrollably at -- well, pretty much everything, actually. "Lucifer," the big bad guy? Top-notch comedy. Seriously. You'll love his minion, too. This movie is so preposterous, even stupid ignorant people will find mistakes to laugh at. I won't ruin it for you, but just wait till you hear what Alexis says about the syringe of her sister's blood.

I will, however, ask if anybody -- anybody -- can explain to me why there was whalesong playing in the Death Valley scene. Anyone? Bueller?

I laughed so hard I got a headache. I think I would rather chew off my own arm than watch this movie again.

I give it two thumbs up the ass. Highly, highly recommended.

Really. Who financed this 'cause buddy, I have got a deal for you!

I caught this last night flipping through the channels. You know the time, when you're bored, but too lazy to get off the couch and do anything responsible, so you just keep surfing. I took in about ten minutes of it-about the same time needed to think on the existence of turd-zilla or spent on the toilet creating him and I'm not sure what was intended.

Had this been purely geared at cheese, it might have come off pretty good, but I actually got the impression that it was done in the name of serious cinema and this is what got it classified as a turd.

I'm not familiar with anyone outside of the cameos of Ice-T and Coolio in the beginning, but this is a lesson in bad filmmaking for the student. Watch and learn if you dare! I cannot see wasting another second typing here and most of the reviewers agree with me so...

Far from being an action movie, this film had me on the floor laughing! Even a Soap Opera director would have called the acting over the top. The dialog was simply ridiculous. Some of the scenes look like they were shot in the dark and then from a different angle like they were shot during the day. I think the director was on some serious meds when he made this one (prob. anti-depressants). Why do they keep returning to the same lake? Why do they shoot a 16-bullet handgun 30 times? And what is the reason for the steroid robot? They also used a small box the size of a deck of cards as an explosive and made the comment "this thing will make the Patriot Missle look like a firecracker", WTF? Again, they must have been seriously hittin the pillbox for a script of this content. If you want some good laughs be sure to check this one out.

Being a bit of a fan of Sasha Mitchell, I was overjoyed to pick this up for as little as £1. Shame it turned out to be £20 too much.

The plot of the movie is basically a really watered down version of Jean Claude Van Damme's Cyborg, about a post-nuke world where three heroes, Mitchell, Costas Mandylor(of Fist of the North Star fame) and a woman I've never heard of called Kathleen Kinmont actually fight Fender from Cyborg, now called Lucifer, but played by the same actor in a worse costume. Lucifer's little brother is the dorkiest attempt at a villain ever, and the movie is quite frankly a nightmare, with the only things redeeming it for me being the fact that Sasha still works, and that future Terminatrix Kristanna Loken has a small role(far too small).

The action is dull, the characters dumb, and the story rehashed from a hardly classic 80s Van Damme vehicle, the worst of it is, the movie has the cheek to not even do this in a funny way, it's just plain crap. Avoid this, and any other movies directed by Art Camacho.