- Jimmy: I saw the sign outside and it said that you had five hundred dollars.
- Emcee: You want five hundred dolla?
- Jimmy: Yes, I would like five hundred dollars.
- Emcee: You want five hundred dolla?
- Jimmy: Yes please, I would like five hundred dollars.
- Emcee: You want five hundred dolla?
- Jimmy: Yes I want five hundred dolla!
- Emcee: Five hundred dolla!
- Jimmy: Five hundred dolla!
- Emcee: Five hundred dolla!
- Jimmy: Five hundred dolla!
- Mrs. Livingston: "Dear Mr. and Ms. Livingston, we have kidnapped your son. Give us $100,000 dollars or he dies. Signed, the Jews." Are you kidding? ARE YOU KIDDING? Who in their right mind is going to believe this note Morton? THEY'RE THE JEWS. THEY'RE GOING TO WANT MORE THAN $100,000!
- Mrs. Livingston: And then Pinocchio came out of his plastic bubble and touched the filthy little whore next door and died. The End!
- Jimmy: How far will this get me?
- bus stop man: Take a step back.
- [Jimmy steps back]
- bus stop man: That far.
- Mr. Livingston: Kind of makes you wonder... What would have happened if Neil Armstrong had gone all the way to the moon and then never stepped on the surface?
- Mr. Livingston: tell him.
- Mrs. Livingston: what are you talking about, tell him what.
- Mr. Livingston: He's not dead. Your not dead, Jimmy.
- Mrs. Livingston: He's lying, Jimmy.
- Mr. Livingston: tell him, tell him everything.
- Mrs. Livingston: you're not dead, Jimmy.
- Jimmy: Open his eyes: I'm not?
- Mrs. Livingston: ...and the prince climbed up Rapunzel's hair to the top of the tower and said, "Come with me, and we'll live happily ever after." Then Rapunzel left her plastic bubble and died. The end.
- Lorraine: Back off, bitch, he's the messiah.
- Mrs. Livingston: Well, you'll certainly be in my prayers tonight. And I'll be praying you get nut cancer!
- Gil: Yes, the Round One. A holy messenger trapped in a living globe. We must find him and release him so that he will carry us, the only true believer, to the Kingdom of Heaven, while those who reject him will mutate and burn eternally on Planet PX41, and Planet PX42 if they run out of room. Now, if there are no further questions, let's move on to the buffet.
- Jimmy: I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the republic of which it stands one nation under God indivisible with liberty and justice for all...
- [looks down and says faster]
- Jimmy: I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the republic of which it stands one nation under God indivisible.
- Jimmy: Supper time was the best! Nothing could beat Mom's homemade, vitamin-rich, soy-based, germ-free, fat-free fiber cookies.
- [while leading a pack of boys chasing the Ice Cream & Curry truck...]
- Ice Cream Boy: Ice Cream. Ice Cream.
- Indian Boy: Curry. Curry.
- Dr. Phreak: He stole my freaks that son of a bitch.
- Mrs. Livingston: My. What a potty mouth you have.
- Dr. Phreak: screw you lady!
- Dr. Phreak: Oh, that's so beautiful. I too was in love once... for 10 minutes! Then I kicked her ass out of the car!
- Jimmy: [narrating] I had my reading.
- Jimmy, 8 Years Old: [reading a Highlights magazine] I wish they had more than one magazine in the world, Mom.
- Mrs. Livingston: So do I, dear.
- Jimmy: [narrating] My favourite T.V. show, "Land Of The Lost".
- Jimmy, 10 Years Old: [while watching television] I wish T.V.'s had more than one channel, Mom.
- Mrs. Livingston: So do I, dear.
- Jimmy: [narrating] And I had the best teacher in the whole wide world.
- Jimmy, 10 Years Old: [reading an essay] "And then, the Indians decided to move to the reservations, where they could open casinos and sell tax-free cigarettes, and stay out of the white man's way.
- Mrs. Livingston: Another A-plus.
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