- Tino: Want me to leave so you can say bad words?
- Tino's Mom: Yeah that would be nice...
- Carver: I am going to be CARP!
- Tino: Did you say Carp?
- Carver: That stands for what I want to be. Cool And Radically Popular.
- Tino: It's a good thing you don't want to be Cool RICH And Popular.
- Carver: Why?
- Tino: Why can't you be one of those nice moms who just say "Yes Dear"
- Tino's Mom: Yes dear.
- Tino: Well it's a little too late for that now.
- Tino's Mom: Yes dear
- Tino: No talking!
- Tish: If I'm a winter, how about this?
- [Comes out of dressing room dressed in a white faux fur coat that covers all but her face]
- Tino: Stand absolutely still.
- Carver: What if it tracks by scent?
- Tish: Ha, ha. Very funny.
- Tino: Aah! It's seen us! Run!
- Tino: If you try to make everyone follow your plan, you're really no better than a gym teacher.
- Tish: Maybe you're confusing us with your imaginary friends.
- [Tino turns to the camera and addresses the audience]
- Tino: She thinks I have imaginary friends. Ha!
- [Tino is poking his dinner with a fork, but not eating it]
- Tino's Mom: It isn't going to bite you.
- Tino: That works out nicely, because I don't plan to bite it.
- Mrs Duong: Thank you for helping Helpers Helping the Helpless. Your help was very... helpful! And if anyone finds my thesaurus please let me know.
- Carver: You guys are toast.
- Tino: Well you're double toast.
- Lor McQuarrie: You're triple toast.
- Tish: You're *French* toast.
- Tino: *French* toast?
- Tish: [sighs] It's been a long day.
- Tino: I think your cooking may have military applications.
- Tino's Mom: Watch it...
- Lor McQuarrie: It's the crazy backwards universe again.
- Tino: Where cats chase dogs and sitcoms are funny.
- Lor McQuarrie: If that counts as dancing then it counts as singing when I burp.
- Tino: If a game doesn't have rules, it's not a game is it?
- Carver: No, it's politics.
- [Tish is forcing her friends to do a radio play]
- Carver: I can't work under these conditions! I'll be in my trailer!
- [Walks into a closet and closes it]
- Tino: Err... that's my closet.
- Carver: Do you have a compass in there?
- Tino: Yup!
- Carver: Maybe you can use it to find your way BACK TO REALITY!
- Tish: Me? JEALOUS? I haven't got a jealous bone in my body!
- Carver: Do you have any jealous internal organs?
- Tish: Lor, don't you think you're being a tad paranoid?
- Carver: A tad? More like 5 tads and 18 smidgens.
- [Tino is upset because he didn't win a mock election]
- Tino: I'm just a fat, ugly, loser.
- Lor McQuarrie: You're not fat!
- Dixon: [playing ball] Try to keep your eye on the ball this time, it won't bite.
- Tino: It's not so much biting I'm worried about as bone-shattering impact.
- Tino: Hello, could you at least knock before you enter my mind?
- Lor McQuarrie: [watching Tino ride his scooter] Huh,you have pretty good posture for someone without a backbone.
- Tino: Could you give me a map to that sentence?
- Carver: How do you spell beautiful?
- Girl: M-e-l G-i-b-s-o-n
- Carver: Interesting. And how did you obtain your data?
- Tino: Made it up.
- Carver: I see.
- Carver: Geeks... Geeks? Those geeks are my friends!
- Tino: did he just say geeks?
- Lor McQuarrie: It's like an upside down universe.
- Tino: Where up is down and boy bands play instruments.
- [about his mother's vegetarian Halloween candy]
- Tino: That's so healthy, its un-American...
- Tino: We may not be as interesting as the people on Teen Canyon, but at least we aren't made up characters on T.V... or are we?
- [a girl who humiliated Carver is waving at him at the beach]
- Carver: SHE'S WAVING AT ME? Isn't there a law against that?
- Tino: [Sarcastic] Yeeah, you're enforced by the Federal Bureau of Waving.
- Carver: Do you have a compass in there?
- Tino: Why, yes I do!
- Carver: Well, maybe you could use it to find your way back to *reality*!
- Tino: They're coming to get me! Mutant clowns from the Hollow Earth! They're real! It's the clown-pocalypse! Aaah!
- Carver: I think he's getting better.
- Carver: Excuse me while I spend the rest of my life in the attic.
- [Carver walks off]
- Lor McQuarrie: Wow! That must be a pretty nice attic! Er... what?
- Carver: Ugh, I think my stomach just resigned in disgust.
- Tino's Mom: [Tino refuses to leave his room] He said he won't come out until the city's been cleared of its un-holy clown infestation.
- Lor McQuarrie: Have you seen the World's Funniest Medical Blunders?
- Carver: Once. This guy swallowed his dentures and when the doctors gave him an x-ray, his lungs were smiling back at him.
- Tish: If you need an idea, use your imagination.
- Lor McQuarrie: I think I sprained mine.
- Tino: Tish has lost her dignity.
- Lor McQuarrie: Look under the sofa cushion. I find all sorts of stuff under there.
- Tino: How long have we been here?
- Lor McQuarrie: Somewhere between an hour... and a hundred thousand years.
- Tish: Don't you want to broaden your minds?
- Lor McQuarrie: Our minds are already broad enough.
- Carver: Yea I already have trouble finding hats that fit.
- Tino: [Carver is wearing a latex suit and helmet] You look like a roll-on deodorant.
- Tino's Mom: You know, a kite flies on a string, not a stick.
- Tino: [pause] I could see your lips moving, but all I heard was "blah, blah-blah".
- Tino: The cliff-dwellers didn't have skateboards! Cliffs plus wheels equals BAD!
- Tino: Mom, which one of these shirts projects a mysterious, vulnerable, dangerous, lost puppy quality?
- Tino's Mom: Come here. Let me feel your forehead.
- Tish: I have here plans for a twelve-foot granite pyramid with twenty thousand miniature workers dragging stone blocks.
- Tino: Uh-huh? And I have *here* cardboard, glue, sticks and paint.
- Tish: Okay. How about a one-foot pyramid with two miniature workers dragging a sugar cube.
- Tino: I know you spent a lot of time on those plans, Tish. I'm sorry you had to compromise your artistic vision.
- Tish: And *I'm* sorry you had to sit on a tube of paint.
- Tino: Oh great. Looks like I sat on a leprechaun.
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