Promenons-nous dans les bois

(*1/2 out of *****) This goes to show that even the French put out some serious garbage in the world of film from time to time. This one, for example, is horrid. The interesting (albeit derivative) premise, the spooky setting, and the cinematography are all quite good, but, unfortunately, the whole thing falls apart real fast under its own incomprehensible pretensions.

A group of attractive, young actors travel to an old mansion way out in the country to perform for an eccentric millionaire and his weird, mute son. The woods surrounding the mansion just happen to be the hunting ground for a serial rapist/killer who targets young girls. But, forget all about that, because, as soon as the good-looking group gets to the old guy's house, odd characters start popping up and bizarre things start happening -- you know, the usual David Lynch/Dario Argento kind of stuff -- except Delphlanque doesn't have an ounce of the artistic mastery or the subtlety to pull any of it off. Character motivations, most of the plotting, the dialogue (some of which, granted, could be the fault of American dubbing) -- is some of the worst I've ever encountered in a movie like this. In one scene, for example, everyone is sound asleep except for the main female star (Clotilde Courau), who is wandering through the mansion by herself. So, she enters one room and suddenly finds all of her friends dancing real slow and suggestively with each other, including her girlfriend. The scene ends and everyone acts regularly, as if nothing happened -- suddenly, they're all just wide awake and dancing to loud music! Okay, whatever, sure! And then, in the next scene -- after being warned by a (typically weird) police detective (who just happens to walk into the room) that a killer is on the loose -- they're all suddenly outside and walking around through the woods after midnight!

The story tries to follow the trace of a murder mystery, but it takes way too many irritating turns into contrived Lynchian territory (in an early scene, the young boy stabs his own hand with a fork at the dinner table, and, after the father explains that he always does that, the guests are like, `Hm, well, how 'bout that -- so, when do you think we're gonna get paid?' and stuff like that.)

There are some gory murders and a couple steamy sex scenes, but there are also loooong scenes of characters walking up and down stairs and through dark rooms. And, I swear to God, everyone pauses for about 30 seconds before responding to each other in this maddening mess -- I guess that helps stretch what could have been a 45-minute movie into an hour and a half.

Do not be fooled by anyone who tries telling you that this movie is as good as (or, God forbid, better than) a typical Argento flick, because it is not. In spite of its professional camera work and some hints of creativity here and there in the direction, this turkey is no better than any early-'80s, American slasher flick.

Lowlight: In a painfully forced attempt to misdirect our suspicions as to who the killer is, one of the actors tries to shoot Courau with a nail gun, but she somehow easily blocks it with a pipe or something, and, in the very next scene, the two of them are outside together, trying to start the car as if nothing happened. There are so many idiotic scenes like this that it just made me sick. I admit it -- I took the damn cassette out of the VCR! I didn't care how it ended! I couldn't take it anymore!

I had great expectations for this movie. Since I am a great fan of Dario Argento and his Italian giallos I was thrilled to hear about this french little "giallo-imitation". The beginning with a mother, her child and a murderer is stunning and kept me glued to my seat. After that we are suddenly in the company of five youths (three girls, two guys) in their early twenties and even if they are quite alright for this kind of movie, they are not very interesting.

Things perk up a bit when they arrive to their destination, a beautiful castle somewhere on the french countryside, and meet their host, a rather creepy guy in a wheelchair who makes sexual advances to one of the boys. He has an autistic son who stares ominously throughout the picture and he is quite eerie actually. The movie still looks great and there is a fair amount of tension for half an hour or so.

But after this introduction of almost all of the characters NOTHING HAPPENS for quite a while. We get quite a few scenes with some tension, but no payoff. Since it is a french production, they also throw in some female full frontal nudity in a lesbian love scene for those who like that sort of thing (I don't..). There is a police showing up from nowhere and he disappears just within a few minutes for some reason, only to show up briefly at the end. And the play these youngsters perform is truly abominable. If I had hired these actors I would have asked for a refund!

The final half hour is a little better (when the killings start - they are lensed in a loving, stylish and gory way), but unfortunately the story never gets really exciting or involving. Real suspense is sadly lacking for the most part. There is a great potential buried somewhere here, but apart from the gorgeous visuals and assured directing, it is mostly ignored. The acting is okay I guess (and most of the cast look good!). Clotilde Courau is an adequate heroine, but has tends to laugh hysterically in all the wrong places. It really got on my nerves in the end.

The camera LOVES Vincent Lecoeur but he hasn't a lot to work with like most of the others. * minor spoiler * The only part with some teeth is Axel de Fersen (the wheelchair guy) and actor François Berléand really hams it up entertainingly in that part. And the old horror movie cliché is still valid, a man or woman in a wheelchair certainly has some hidden secrets. *End of spoiler *

After all this you might expect me to dislike this movie. Wrong! I truly enjoyed it for a number of reasons. It's gaudy look and big-budget visuals (it really is a feast for the eyes). One of the first shots is a bird against a slightly cloudy sky and that image is almost worth the price of admission alone. The luxurious and atmospheric score that accompanies all the mayhem is classy and nice. The murder set-pieces that are choreographed with assurance and style. Let's just hope that this director can sink his teeth in a better script next time. Then we might TRULY be able to look forward to a great horror movie, one that even could become a classic within it's genre!

Based on the title, DVD-cover image, casting choices and short synopsis, "Deep in the Woods" looks like a dumb and formulaic backwoods slasher/survival horror flick. And for about 50% that is exactly the case, but for the remaining 50% it's a surprisingly stylish, experimental and unsettling Goth-horror tryout. Writer/director Lionel Delplanque does a handful of brilliant things with the cinematography and thought up a few downright and genuinely disturbing aspects (the creepy little kid!), but unfortunately he also wanted to be too "American" when it comes to the rest of the screenplay. The teenage protagonists are utmost annoying stereotypes and they do the stupidest things imaginable, like going into the woods at night after they received specific warning there's a maniac killer on the loose. The deaths/killings are rather mundane and people keep appearing and disappearing without any proper explanation, but that about concludes the bad news. "Deep in the Woods" features a strong opening sequence and the interesting idea to process the Little Red Riding Hood fairy-tale into the script. Five obnoxious wannabe actors are heading out to a mansion the middle of a desolated forest, where they are hired to perform a private theater show to the grandson of an eccentric old man. Upon their arrival, they find out the old man is a crazed wheelchair-bound psycho with oppressed homo-erotic desires, his loyal servant is a perverted taxidermist and the grandson is a silent and autistic but terrifying child with a major trauma. Soon after their (abysmal) live performance on stage, the group find themselves pursued by a lunatic killer in a leather (!) wolf costume. Delplanque manages to insert several suspense-laden moments during the cat & mouse game and the climax, although preposterous and over-the-top, is quite exhilarating. It's very strange that Lionel Delplanque wasn't offered a one-way ticket to Hollywood after this (like his colleagues Alexandre Aja, Xavier Gens and Pascal Laugier), because his competent directing is undoubtedly film's biggest trump. I guess the script was ultimately too weak for him to become noticed.

A group of college aged actors are hired to perform a play at a millionare's house for his son's birthday party. However, they soon start to fall prey to a killer dressed in a wolf suit. Magnificently directed horror flick makes Dario Argento look like an amateur. The whole cast is extremely photogenic and there are some seriously sexy moments. The film also scores some huge scares. However, the script is only average at best. Still, essential viewing for any horror fan.

Rated R; Extreme Violence, Sexual Situations, Nudity and Profanity.

I am a real fan of French movies. French os my second language, and I spent much of my formative years as a movie fan watching Belmondo, Jean Gabin, or Louis de Funes. However, this movie really disappointed me. Taking the European theme of the Red Chaperon, and turning it into a class B American tean horror movie is a performance on the wrong direction. No real thrill, a lot of blood and an average of a murder for every seven screen minutes, flat acting - this is what one should expect from this flip.

If the American studios put their eyes on this script, which might happen judging the lack of fresh ideas in Hollywood scripts lately - we might have a better quality American re-make of a French movie - for a change!