Son of the Beach

Only cable TV could get away with this mayhem. Maybe someday the big old dinosaur networks might get close -- but not in the near future. For now, networks serve up assembly line Punch & Judy shows.

Every tired cliche of beach movies, police shows, crime dramas, soap operas, and sitcoms is crammed into this BAYWATCH satire. The puns roll in like breakers on the beach. Faces get mugged along with characters.

I love a delicious satire -- and that's what SON OF THE BEACH delivers. What other show dares give us memorable characters named Jamaica St. Croix, Kimberlee Clark, and B.J. Cummings -- plus studly neo-aryan Chip Rommel? And Notch Johnson is a cross between Frank Drebin and Bugs Bunny.

I commend the people who created this show. I wish all TV comedies were this sharp, crazy, and witty.

As you can tell from the other comments, this show is not for everyone. It's definitely not for kids or religious bluenoses. But if you like your humor with a highly irreverent and politically incorrect edge, this show is one of the best.

Yes, "Son of the Beach" is a "Baywatch" parody. But that doesn't do it justice. It's a Baywatch parody that mixes elements of "Police Squad!", "Get Smart", the 1960s "Batman" TV series and "South Park" with Timothy Stack's own brand of humor.

The show has its share of sight gags, but clever dialogue is its real strength. Almost every line is a sexual double entendre, tortured word play or horrendous pun. It helps that most of these fly right over the heads of the characters who, save one, are far too thick headed to catch on. The one exception is straight-laced, overly serious Kimberlee Clark (Kimberly Oja), whose embarassed frowns and double takes are always fun to watch.

The leader of the "SPF-30" lifeguard unit is Notch Johnson, played by chief writer Timothy Stack. A running gag is that everyone sees and treats Johnson as a perfect physical specimen even though Stack is middle aged, balding, has an overbite and is definitely not in the best possible physical condition. Stack gives himself most of the show's best lines.

All the other characters are humorously broad caricatures. Chip Rommel (Roland Kickinger, obviously cast for his close resemblance to a young Arnold Schwartzenegger) is a good-natured but brain-dead hunk who's surprised to learn that America and his native Germany had fought wars with each other. His incomplete command of English is always getting him into trouble, and he never knows why. (Example: he decides to help kids with attention deficit disorder. He calls his program "Chip Rommel's Concentration Camp").

Anita Massengil (Lisa Banes) is an evil, sadistic scheming politician in the Cruella DeVille mold. B. J. Cummings (Jaime Bergman) is a naive bimbo from the rural south. Jamaica St. Croix (Leila Arcieri) is a streetwise black from an urban ghetto. A late addition was Porcelain Bidet (Amy Weber), a bitchy, jealous, gold-digging bimbo.

All in all, if you are not easily offended and revel in outrageous, politically incorrect humor, you will love this show.

I just bought Volume 1 of the "Son of the Beach" DVDs, which contains the first 21 episodes, and I was quite impressed. I pretty much got what I expected: gorgeous women gratuitously roaming around in skimpy bathing suits and a nonstop barrage of cheap sex jokes. But since the show doesn't aspire to be any more than what it is, it works. I can't doubt that the double entendres get repetitive at times, but most of the time I can't help but laugh. Both Jaime Bergman and Leila Arcieri are extremely hot. Timothy Stack, who I've been a fan of since his talk show parody "Night Shift," is great at playing a dim-witted takeoff on David Hasselhoff's character in "Baywatch." His name is Notch, which is somewhat similar to Hasselhoff's character "Mitch." And since his last name's Johnson, that purposely opens up many opportunities for cheap sex jokes. I don't usually like dumb blonde characters, since they're way overused in movies and TV shows, but most of Bergman's airhead one-liners are quite funny. There are gratuitous montages which feature the beautiful female characters strutting their stuff wearing next to nothing, but in a show like this it's pretty much appropriate. Plus, it also works as a sendup of "Baywatch," a show that uses those montages very often, but still tries to pass itself off is tasteful. "Son of the Beach" is in the poorest of taste, and isn't afraid to show it. But if you buy the DVD set, don't watch all the shows consecutively, because like video games this stuff could rot your brain.

My score: 7 (out of 10)

Son of the Beach follows the misadventures of the world's greatest lifeguard Notch Johnson and his unit, Shore Patrol Force 30. Notch's unit is made up of Arkansas beauty BJ Cummings; Kimberlee Clark, the "smart, flat-chested one"; lifeguard from the 'hood, Jamaica St. Croix; and Chip Rommel, descendant of the German general Erwin Rommel. After the first three seasons, Porcelein Bidet joined the team. With his SPF 30 team, Notch set out to do things every lifeguard has to do, like stop illegal importers, drug dealers, mad scientists, almost graduate from Southern University College at Malibu Adjacent (SUCMA), and found a school for Retards and Orphans.

Just from this description, how can you not want to watch this show? With show titles like "BJ Blue Hawaii" and "Witness for the Prostitution," every show is full of innuendoes and double entendres. Many people may be put off by the fact that Howard Stern produced this show, but that is a lame reason to not watch. If you don't watch this show, it should be for two reasons: 1)You don't get cable or 2)you don't like insanely funny shows. Seriously, how can you not laugh when Notch is talking about his Hawaiian friend King Kumonnha and his nut farm? Plus, just about every episode has a scene where Leila Arcieri and Jaime Bergman get to show off their, uh, attributes more artistically than normal. How can you not like that?

In summation, there's comedy, high comedy, and then there's Son of the Beach.

Excellent. Reminds me of Sledgehammer of the 80s, early Married With Children or perhaps Red Dwarf... contrived, crude, crass, self indulgent and unrepentant. It's perhaps easy to dismiss, but watch a couple epis and you'll be hooked. Notch Johnson (Timothy Stack), and good writing help this stand out. There's a good amount (if stereotypical) character development with each episode following a predictable, but enjoyable path. The character's names crack me up... Mayor Anita Massingil, rofl. The Steven Hawking character was a bit too much. Perhaps they're finding it tough to one-up South Park. It's a shame it was cancelled. TV needs more of independent voices and less of the contrived, mass market, lowest common denominator Raymond and Survivor tripe. Find it and watch, if you can.