Rangers

Army Rangers and a CIA operative sneak into a fictitious Mid-East country to kidnap a Political/Terrorist leader. The mission is a set-up and one man gets left behind. He believes he was betrayed by the Ranger Team and his CIA handlers. For five millions dollars and a chance at revenge he turns renegade. Now there is no need to watch the movie.

EXCEPT, this has got to be the worst movie never made. That's right never made. It consists of copied footage from a lot of movies. And that's about the only thing about it to recommend. You can turn this piece of crap into a trivia game. Name the stolen movie footage. The winner never has to watch it again.

Look for footage from Navy Seals, Delta Force, Invasion USA, Hidden, Invasion USA again and again and Red Heat. And that's just the ones I spotted. Its not hard there is no continuity and the film stock doesn't even match. My favorite scene is during the car chase when the antihero Glenn Plummer shoots out the rear windshield without hitting the front windshield.

You have been warned

Hilarious. Priceless. Terrible. These are three of the many single words that I would use to illustrate "Rangers", one of those action pictures that seem to run on cable at around 10 at night. One of those films where it looks like many of the action scenes were shot in the director's backyard and several scenes look like stock footage. After a title sequence that looks wonderfully 80's, we're launched into the story itself A group of commandos is sent to bring back a terrorist from an unnamed country, but find out that the group knows they're on the way. After a few remaining members barely make it out, they find out that they'd been set-up, or something like that. One of their rangers they thought they'd left behind is actually working for the bad guys and suddenly comes back looking for revenge. Every other line is some other variation on, "you have no idea what I've been through!" or "the mission! We must not forget the mission!". Every action-movie cliche is spoken at some point throughout the film - but what makes it occasionally unintentionally hilarious is the straight-faced, wooden acting that attempts to take every single like incredibly serious. Ok, so there are occasionally some decent production values (a few respectable explosions), but as with all of these low-budget action films, the script seems to have been made up along the way. Obviously, these films don't cost a great deal and can end up being bought for cable or home video release (as Fox has done with this film and the equally terrible monster picture "Python"). The storyline almost doesn't even matter in a film like this one (nor do a few continuity errors) - the movie simply attempts several old-school, low-budget action sequences (according to the commentary, apparently some bits of the final action sequences are new, but many are actually cut in from a different, old action movie altogether). Corbin Bernsen receives top billing for, according to the commentary, three hours of work. The director and the main actor discuss their work on the film's commentary track and thankfully seem fully aware what they've created.

What I learned from Rangers:

1-There are a lot of token black guys 2-Briefings to super-elite Ranger units are done minutes before being deployed on a mission while flying miles above earth in a plane. 3-It goes from sunrise to midnight in about 5 minutes. 4-Charlie Sheen does many non-mentioned and short cameos in this B-rated film. 5-Where'd the SCUBA gear come from? 6-After falling and then deploying their parachutes, miles from shore they know exactly where to find a cache of deflated boats. 7-Rangers can change laced army boots to swimming flippers in a matter of seconds, while falling at terminal velocity. 8-AK-47 weapons that the Rangers possess, magically can change to MP5 submachine guns. 9-You SHOULD look at the camera. 10-After firing a bazooka round and blowing up part of a building and creating lots of smoke, no fire alarms nor sprinkler systems go on. 11-When boarding a helicopter, the shape of the call numbers change. 12-The Rangers can instantly transport themselves into different positions, like on the helicopter. 13-Your are supposed to blink A LOT when shooting an automatic weapon. 14-You don't bleed when you are shot, not until at least many hours after the fact. 15-Military hair regulations are not in effect for women officers. 16-In terrorist land Brandy and Whisky are the same thing, and when they are poured, bubbles appear. 17-Elite military soldiers live off base, in big houses with wives. 18-Alex can commute back and forth from Florida to DC in a matter of seconds with his friend, many times a day. 19-Elite soldier's marksmanship is terrible at short range. 20-Pistol clips hold about 30 rounds. 21-Grenades, when thrown get to their target very fast then blow up. 22-You can be promoted to Sergeant to Lieutenant in a matter of days.

Okay...this movie is terrible. However, I'd almost have to recommend it. First of all, the plot holes are hilarious. Second, just watching the main characters fire their guns is hours of entertainment -- they are so afraid that they can hardly keep their eyes open. But best thing about this movie takes planning, patience, and heavy drinking. Go and rent this, Navy Seals, Red Heat, and Invasion USA. Watch all of them, saving Rangers for last. You will fall out of your seat laughing, especially if you've planned the proper refreshments. Nearly every action scene in Rangers is cut directly from the other three movies. Not copied, cut directly. In order to retain some semblance of continuity, the piss-poor actors of Rangers have to change costumes three times in the opening action sequence to match the clothes with the actors in the scenes they spliced in. It is painfully and comedically obvious, however, when the footage switches between movies. You wouldn't believe it unless you saw it -- I would guess over 25 minutes of 90 minute film are pulled out other movies. If you are bored and want a laugh, try it some time.

But it was very efficient by recycling action scenes and stock footage from other knuckleheaded action movies. Especially silly was the ripping off the beach landing and final battle scenes from "Invasion USA". Really, terrorists are supposed to be stealthy, not stupid using WWll vintage landing craft.