If You Only Knew

"If You Only Knew" is about a straight man (Schaech) who pretends to be gay so he can get a deal on a NYC flat and move in with a beautiful woman (Eastwood) who likes to have a gay roomie for security reasons. The flick works the premise to death, lags some in the middle, is obvious and predictable, jerks from one concocted situation to the next, but does manage to deliver a modicum of entertainment. Catch it on broadcast and give it a try. C-

The low budget production shows throughout the movie, but this is a very well-made and entertaining comedy. Producers and the director did a wonderful job.

Alison Eastwood's acting was terrific and her presence lights up the screen throughout the movie. The first five minutes may put off some viewers, but it quickly picks up the pace and keeps the attention focused on the main element of the movie, romantic relationship and dilemma between the main characters.

The conflict, relationship, personality of characters and the chemistry between the characters shine on the screen.

This small budget production probably will not reach wide audience, but it should work on word-of-mouth. People will feel good about this one after watching it.

It's just a movie, folks. But it was a fun experience and I would recommend it to a few friends that like romantic comedy. The movie never pretended to be something else. It is a woman's movie - but - there is enough for guys to enjoy, too.

Parker (Johnathan Schaech) is an aspiring writer who is still looking for his big break. In the meantime, he works as a telephone adviser for a Manhattan psychic hotline. One day, most unfortunately, his apartment building burns down. Parker and his cat make it out alive but are now stuck with the arduous task of finding affordable housing in the Big Apple. Word comes to Parker that a lady, Samantha (Alison Eastwood) is searching for a roommate but will only accept a gay male. Since Parker is straight but the price is right, he decides to pretend that he is gay. Samantha likes him from the start and welcomes him as her new cohabitant. But, poor Parker. Sam is lovely, intelligent and very desirable. How will he be able to keep his true nature under control? Besides, doesn't Sam have a successful businessman-boyfriend anyway? This is a sweet, likable, and humorous film with two very attractive stars in Eastwood and Schaech. Naturally, the plot is a string of "how can I keep up this ruse" scenes, with Sam asking Parker for shampoo while she is showering or pleading with him to hold her in bed when she receives bad news. Also, it is necessary for Parker to produce his own "fake" gay mate, Boris, when Sam insists upon fixing him up with a man she knows. Hopefully, the gay community will not find this too offensive, as this viewer thought most issues were treated with sensitivity and subtlety. For a small scale movie, the costumes, sets, and camera work were quite nice, also. Therefore, if you love those funny tales of love, get this one soon. You will like what you see, I know it.

There's nothing new here. All the standard romantic-comedy scenes, even down to the taxi sprinting to the airport to stop the woman flying away. The only thing that saves this is the acting of Alison Eastwood & some of the minor characters (blink and you'll miss Gabrielle Anwar), who obviously had some fun.

Turn it off when the pair are in bliss, and you won't have to go through the inevitable plot pain.