Universal soldier 2 : Frères d'armes

I refer of course to the bit part in two Sabrina the Teenage Witch episodes that constitute the peak of Matt Battaglia's career, prior to, and now that I think about it, even after this 'feature' film is taken into account.

Let's have no mistake here; it truly is appalling. Weapons' grade suckage. It's bad beyond even so-bad-it's-good, because it has absolutely no idea how bad it is. We're talking Nick Fury: Agent of Shield bad, but without the inherent absurdity of David Hasselhoff to raise it up to kitch bad. It just stinks, in every possible way. Let's count the ways, because it beats watching it.

A nominal leading man who has almost no lines in the film, and who spends most of it with his lips pursed like he's just pulled someone's finger and doesn't like the smell.

A bimbo who makes Erika Eleniak's performance in Under Siege look like it deserved an Oscar.

A score that could charitably be called eclectic, although "absolutely bonkers random" might be more appropriate.

A continuation of the random theme into the cinematography and editing. The shots and edits seem have been chosen by spinning the Wheel-O-Film-School-101, with a baffling mix of: slowmo; jump cuts; repeated cuts (showing Van Damme kicking a guy in the head 4 times is one thing; doing it for someone who's just standing up is... bizarre); and most peculiar of all, some PoV shots from unrelated mystery observers.

Gary Busey waddling around like a camp hippopotamus.

Dialog that's half exposition and half filler.

And worst of all, pacing that makes My Dinner With Andre look like Speed.

I could forgive almost everything else, but this movie is just such a pathetically dull, slogging exercise in mediocrity that commenting on it is far more fun than actually watching it. On a scale of American Ninja to American Ninja V, I give this film a rating of "American Ninja 4: The Abomination".

[Just in case you don't know, this is an 'un-official' sequel to Universal Soldier. The 'proper' sequel is Universal Soldier: The Return.]

To make a decent, or semi-decent action film, a budget is somewhat obligatory. With Universal Soldier II, someone clearly forgot this rule or squandered the whole thing on getting Gary Busey, Jeff Wincott and Burt Reynolds to humiliate themselves. (The lack-of-budget theory is backed up by the end credits which say 'sponsored by Canada' or something equally silly.)

To be fair on the film, some people do look like they're trying. Matt Battaglia looks desperate to pretend he's acting, and the woman has a good go at delivering her dodgy lines. The director appears to have made the most effort by using numerous camera gimmicks to liven up the non-action. Sadly, these gimmicks are off-putting, look stupid and just highlight the boredom of the boring bits (i.e. 90% of the film).

The most enjoyable aspects of the film, were a) Gary Busey (who seems to be developing a very strange vocal problem) acting badly and b) Burt Reynolds (unseen most of the time) putting on the WORST irish accent of all time and also acting very badly.

Seen as a double-bill with Universal Soldier III, and with a healthy dose of alcohol, this could be a good evening's entertainment, but only in a so-bad-it's-actually-bad-but-funny way.

Perhaps a triple-pack of Universal Soldier II, III and 'The Return' could be marketed as some sort of torture weapon.

Matt Battaglia picks up the character of Luc Devereaux where JC Van Damme left off. This again sees him going AWOL but brings in other characters (including his reanimated brother Eric) and has yet more secret Government conspiracy in the shape of Gary Busey and Burt Reynolds.

This "made-for-TV" film is a poor distant relative of the first Universal Soldier. I'm not saying the first one is a great film (it's an OK action movie) but if the first one was the President of the USA then this film would be the equivalent of his white trash, wife-beating drunken brother living in a trailer in Louisiana - it's that embarrassing to compare them.

This fails in every aspect of what should be good in a film. The plot is lazy and relies on coincidence or unlikely events to move it on. A lot of things are either unbelievable or glossed over without explanation. However this is an action movie - so if the action is good then it matters less yeah? Unfortunately the action is poor, there's one explosion and all the fight scenes make WWF look fast and exciting, none of these guys have any moves or speed. The action only has one good touch - where an explosion is set to classical music - however even this is a rip off of John Woo (remember "over the rainbow" in Face/Off?).

The acting is lamentable. Battaglia's wooden performance will make even the hardest critic think that maybe Van Damme isn't that bad an actor after all. Jeff Wincott as brother Eric is not as wooden but still acts like he's being forced to do something he's not comfortable with. Chandra West as reporter Veronica should provide the human element to proceedings but all she is left with is rubbish one-liners and an unrealistic sense of calm. As for Burt Reynolds and Gary Busey.....I could fill a page with my comments on them.

Reynolds spends most of the film in the shadows (I understand why) and delivers a rubbish accent throughout - why does someone who just got a career boost with Boogie Nights (and to a lesser extent Bean) commit to appear in this type of rubbish. Not even once but again in Universal Soldier 3!! It also is sad to see Gary Busey do another low-rent villain in a rubbish film - it's hard to believe that he is very well known and once did some high-profile films. This is yet another flush on the toilet that is his recent career.

The direction is so-so, relying on editing that Homicide: Life on the Street did years ago. Slow-motion, "jumping" edits etc all make the film a little more interesting but really they're stolen from better directors and cannot achieve the impossible feat of saving this.

This is a boring, poorly acted, poorly plotted "action" movie. Please avoid this vacuous piece of twaddle. Oh and if you enjoy this or think that it's good then you deserve a slap.

This movie has everything1 Busey! Battaglia! Reynolds! Now it's safe to say that I'm a pretty big Busey enthusiast, but I also know a great movie when I see one. The martial arts used in this film are extraordinary, even better than the karate used in Ghost Rock, another Busey classic!

The choice of Matt Battaglia to play Luc Devereaux is one of the finest acting decisions of all time! He is unbelievable! His performance is up there with the all time greats of Brando as Terry Malloy, Olivier as Marcus Licinius Crassus, and Busey as Chet Stedman.

The plot speaks for itself. If Busey, Battaglia, and the great Burt Reynolds agreed to shoot it, then you shouldn't worry about it. Only three words can describe this film...Busetastic! Busetastic! Busetastic!

Now - don't misinterpret the summary. By no means is this a good film, in fact it's far from it. But the point is, Universal Soldier was one of those films where a related sequel seemed impossible. And, thanks to these two TV made efforts and the dire Unisol: The Return, my theory is supported.

Anyway, down to business. This is a movie that should never have been made. Obviously Van Damme, Ally Walker and the other original cast members decided not to be a part of this so the producers brought in total unknowns, a very bad move. Matt Battaglia's acting is awful at the best of times and Chandra West tries way too hard to immitate Ally Walker's brilliant performance from the original film, and fails dismally. Gary Busey, once an awesome actor who nearly killed Martin Riggs and Casey Ryback throws his career away with the worst performance of his career. From Lethal Weapon to this, I can't believe it. I might add as well that he seems to developing a very, very weird vocal problem, it's almost as if he's got nuts stuffed in his cheeks. Burt Reynold's also gives us an appalling display, putting on the worst Irish accent I have ever heard.

The plot is virtually non-existent. In fact, I can't remember what it is actually. The director made a bad decision too by giving the rest of the Unisol's personalities, a feat copied by Mic Rogers for the 'Official' sequel. This basically makes them seem like human soldiers, not the souless, robotic types Roland Emerich created for the first movie which made it so believable.

I could go on forever, but I won't and will instead list the positive aspects. This film knocks spots off Universal Soldier: The Return as it at least tries to relate itself to the original. Starting with the head pieces, the leg implants, the heat monitor watch, Dr Gregor, Luc's parents and the laboratory in the truck (albeit a tiny, non-expanding one).

As I said, Universal Soldier is a film that cannot really be continued, and to be honest this film got as close as anyone could - presumably the action is continuing from where the first film left off, with Luc and Veronica still on the run.

So, the conclusion. This is a bad film. There is only one explosion and out of the two big name actors, they both give diabolical performances. However, in comparison to the Van Damme sequel, it really isn't that bad and any fan of JCVD or Unisol's should at least watch it once. 4 out of 10.