- Richard Strong: [first line of the series] All my life I wanted to make movies. A good movie can change lives. A great movie can change the world. But television, it's different. It's not about making a difference. Television's about making one thing only. Money. I work in television; I can get behind anything.
- Richard Strong: "The truth will set you free", what is that about? "The truth will set you free"? Well, not if ya did it.
- Alan Roy: Do you know what it costs to produce television if it doesn't have to be any good? I assure you, our collection of third rate programming is second to none.
- Victor: How could you do this to me? How could you say that the Bionic Woman is fundamentally flawed?
- Richard Strong: Okay, she's a bionic woman, I get that. But she has that bionic ear.
- Victor: Yeah, super hearing!
- Richard Strong: But wouldn't that mean that she'd be hearing everything at once? Wouldn't she just go crazy?
- Victor: She does flip her hair out of the way.
- Richard Strong: Oh, so the hair makes all the difference?
- Victor: She has VERY THICK HAIR!
- Richard Strong: Now you're just being unreasonable.
- Victor: Remember New Orleans?
- Raymond Drodge: Oh, I remember New Orleans.
- Victor: I don't. That's why I love it. It's new every time I go!
- Moses Znaimer: So why did you agree to come here?
- Richard Strong: I was... curious.
- Moses Znaimer: Curious?
- Richard Strong: About whether you were going to have me killed.
- Moses Znaimer: Now now, Richard, killing is so 1980s.
- Richard Strong: Actually, I'm a socialist.
- Alan Roy: You are not a socialist.
- Richard Strong: How do you know I'm not a socialist?
- Alan Roy: You drive a Lexus.
- Richard Strong: It's a lease.
- Victor: Wanda says he has trouble letting go.
- Richard Strong: Of his feelings?
- Victor: Of small appliances.
- Victor: Wanda knows what she's doing! I think she's a savant.
- Richard Strong: Well, she sure dresses like one.
- Blind Jimmy, the beaver creak character: If you want to talk to actors, you should learn to speak our language.
- Victor: I would, but I can only whine for so long.
- Alan Roy: The government department in charge of making sure kids wear helmets while skateboarding called the government department in charge of telling kids not to have sex and complained that the kid in the ad wasn't wearing a helmet!
- Victor: You're supposed to wear helmets during sex now?
- Alan Roy: And shin guards, AND wrist protectors!
- Victor: Well, wrist protectors I can see, but...