Girl in Gold Boots

...That really shouldn't have been combined. One half of the film is a woman chasing her dream of being a go-go dancer. The other half is about the seedy side of drug use, and drug pushers. Some films do well against the test of time. This one fell flat 10 seconds after its release. Bad acting and a second-rate band shoot this one down.

This is a movie that wants to be kinda sleazy in a big bad way - you know, to show the dark underbelly and mean streets of the evil big city in a stark, realistic way, while contrasting it all with the hopes and dreams of a starry-eyed ingenue. And to show those dreams crashing down as the aforementioned starry-eyed ingenue is sucked into a downward spiral of sex, drugs and despair.

Sorry, though. This movie only manages to be lame. The fruity hippie-philosopher-musician (who can't play guitar worth a damn!!!), the allegedly menacing but actually ineffective villain (the world's oldest "bright young man"), the continuous near-nudity... well, OK, there are some good parts...

By the way, MST3K loves to show movies featuring greasy, oily villains, but the vaguely levantic nightclub owners in this movie definitely get my vote as most oleagenous of all.

Before there was "Showgirls" there was "Girl in Gold Boots". This film is even worse and worse made. You know, I really think the director took himself seriously when he made this movie. Sad, is it not? But I think he didn't realize that he had a budget to stick to when making this movie.

The plot? Michele is a wanna be dancer (who really can't dance, but we're lead to believe she's the best) but is unfortunately kept with her alcoholic father in the popular restaurant "Eat". But when a Kasey Kasim wanna be walks in with promises to make her a professional dancer with the help from his sister who is the "main attraction" in L.A., she leaves within the blink of an eye. On their way they pick up a hitchhiker, Critter. Of course there will be tension since everyone loves Michele's looks.

When they finally arrive in L.A., and there is Christmas decorations all around Hollywood, where's a better place to go than a haunted house? But it's just a hidden dance joint where the dancers look like they're more having seizures and clucking like a chicken then dancing. Michele, Buz, and Critter get involved deeper than they would want in the business with a slick greasy pusher who owns the joint. When Buz's sister, Joanie, is obviously in bad shape from drugs and possibly overdosing on the fake eyelashes, she confesses that she once had a "pretty mind" and tells Michele to get out before Leo, the pusher, takes her down too. But can Critter and Michele make it alive when they already know too much about a plot and a murder that doesn't make much sense?

Oh, man. You have no idea how poorly made this film was made, I mean we're talking just God-awful acting, poor sound, bad editing, atroshish writing, and a horrific picture. I just loved how in one scene, it's just Critter and Michele are sitting ALONE at a table, but in the blink of an eye Buz is in the picture. I loved MSTK3's commentary "I'm back! Come on! I just teleported here! It's impressive!". Watch the MSTK3 episode, that's the only way you'll enjoy the film.

1/10 for the film 10/10 for MSTK3's version

Joy Division's Ian Curtis would often cause chaos at his concerts, because his dancing style closely resembled an epileptic seizure: bystanders would call 911 just to be on the safe side. I've never known how Curtis developed such a bizarre style, but I'm fairly certain he owned a copy of "Girl In Gold Boots". I also can't fathom why a woman that a) clearly can't dance, b) clearly can't act and c) isn't married to someone powerful would get cast as the lead of a musical, but one thing's for certain: this is about a dozen times as entertaining as a competent musical. The movie was produced and directed by prolific Z-grade horror/sci-fi legend Ted V. Mikels, who seems out of his comfort zone when he can't use zombies, evil witches or crazed serial killers who feed victims to cats. The movie doesn't have any plot, it just drags itself from one strange dance scene to another. But that's fine by me. Seeing our lead and her marginally less untalented co-star dance like they're on stilts never stops being entertaining. If anything, this movie should have more awkward dancing rather than less. Very palatable, for all the wrong reasons of course.

When it comes to bad movies,this movie is bad. Not quite 'Hobgoblins' or 'Space Mutiny' bad, but bad enough. As for boring, this ranks up there with 'Blood Waters of Dr. Z.' and if you're an MST3K fan like me, you know how bad that is.

Now on to the movie. Well, if you mix together a bad plot, an overplayed dance number, lame acting, a cheesy script, drugs, and greasy non-threatening villains, you've pretty much have this movie. Oh my, and the sorry excuse for an editing job! This is the most poorly edited movie I've ever seen, next to 'Future War', another great MST3K episode. In one scene the mousy villain appears out of nowhere next to the 'heroes'. It's THAT BAD!

Movies are supposed to entertain and tell a coherent story line. This one fails horribly at both. Watch it only on MST3K! Anyone who enjoys it any other way is SICK!!!!!