Konrad

A film for the whole family, and almost fits in with the Alf film era, of which Max Wright was prominent in his role. By mistake, an instant child is delivered to the wrong woman. She activates him, and falls in love with him, and he, of course, was programmed to love her. And Konrad was programmed for perfection. And he does not understand that others make mistakes. But the bottom line is that humans are not robots, and the factory was creating robots that are programmed to be human. There is sort of a gentleness to the movie but it is not a great movie, and it fits in well for when it was made. Of course, when the factory discovers the mistake, they seek to recover Konrad, as he remains their property forever. It has the look of being done very cheaply, but that also may be for when it was made. Futuristic factories were just wild guesses as to appearance then. The casting of the main characters fits well with the story.

Saw this for the first time when I was about five. I immediately fell in love with it. The idea was cute, and and funny. Plus, I like quoting it "Bartelotti, Bartelotti!" I've watched it several times over the years since I saw it, and i'll probably buy it from amazon soon. I'm surprised I haven't already.

I remember watching this movie many times when I was young! I always had to fast forward through the part when she first opens the tin because the dessicated body was too much for me as a young child. But I too first knew Max Wright from this movie than anywhere else! It's a very cute movie. I have even found that now that I am an adult, many of my mannerisms are the same as Bertie's...my house looks the same! I do have to warn small children away from that scene, though. The factory scenes may also be intense for young viewers. Highly recommended as a family movie, with perhaps some explanation for small children about adoption.

Meet Konrad, a loveable little boy played by adorably-named Huckleberry Fox. He's a genetically-engineered "Instant Child", mass-produced in a factory, brainwashed by oppressive "trainers" to become docile, loyal, and respectful to elders, then vacuum-sealed in a pop-top can for ease of storage and delivery. So what happens when eccentric rug-maker Berti Bartelotti (Polly Holiday) gets him by mistake? Report such flagrant human-rights violations to Amnesty International? Bring this fiasco to the attention of the paranoid media? Oh no, of course not. Won over by his ingrained cuteness, she keeps little Konrad as her very own, while she and her boyfriend, known only as "Mr. Thomas" (Ned Beatty), haggle over the right to dote upon him like he was some sort of toy they were sharing. Meanwhile, the factory owner, Dr. Monford (played by Max Wright of ALF fame), is upset that Konrad got accidentally placed in an unfit environment (since Berti and Mr. Thomas are [gasp!] living in sin) and sends his elite cadre of bumbling security guards to "recall" and "recycle" their perfect child. This child is indeed so perfect that he has grand mal seizures of anxiety whenever he makes the smallest mistake and is regularly pantsed around the playground by bullies with no special programming. The hilarity ensues as our heroes track down the kidnapped Konrad to the "factory", a dystopian monochromatic "1984 Elementary School" where perfect Aryan children march double-file down the halls, and a loudspeaker announces, to the shock of all kids watching, that "Halloween has been cancelled." Needless to say, after the spell-binding thrill-a-minute climax, everyone goes away happy and realizes that it's okay to be less-than-perfect even if you are a dysfunctional abused clone. Fairly good production values and quirky acting make this PBS/Wonderworks special a great family movie. Or is it?

This was one of my favorite movies growing up when I thought it was far more chilling and dystopian than it really was. The scene with Konrad lying desiccated in the can after being opened haunts me 17 years later. However, coming back to it as an adult, I realize just how juvenile the premise really is. In this story, cloning isn't morally wrong, nor is eugenics, child abuse, imprisonment, cryogenics without consent or slavery. Konrad is not a human being, he's "another one of those fads of yours" and "a miracle of genetic engineering," as Mr. Thomas states. And how are these children constructed? Are they normal, yet enhanced human beings (like Star Trek's Khan) or are they designed to stay adorable 8-year-olds forever, their growth forever stunted like that of toy dogs? In that case, Dr. Monford is right in recalling Konrad from his chaotic surroundings. A child like him would be unable to function in the outside world and be subject to countless health problems, just like a toy poodle or a Shar-Pei. He would be so dependent on his controlled lifestyle that he would need a home where he and his environment could be constantly monitored. To be such a being, a living plaything at the disposal of the decadent elite, would be very depressing indeed. But yet the factory children wave their dimpled smiles as millions of normal babies are born and die waiting to be adopted. Indeed this is a great movie for children... if you want to teach them that their worth as a human being is calculated only by their value in the consumer marketplace. If you want to watch this movie done right, watch Little Man Tate, Gattaca, Star Trek II, or A.I. Oh heck, you can even watch Parts: The Clonus Horror.

I saw this film on PBS when I was a kid and it stuck in my memory, such that when I came across it in my local video store I rented it immediately. It's not in any sense a realistic story, and it's really ham-fisted with the moral, but I found it sweet and entertaining. Polly Holiday's performance as Konrad's hapless hippie mom is especially natural and memorable. Although it's definitely a kid's movie, I still find it to be more creative and amusing than the vast majority of children's television that's coming out today. Watch it with a child!