Les Amazones du temple d'or

Wow, I swear this has never happened to me before…. I only watched "Golden Temple Amazons" yesterday and already I haven't got the slightest recollection of anything that happened in this film. That's how brilliant this movie is, I guess! By now I only remember being lured into watching it because of the incredibly attractive DVD cover art, showing a torrid drawing of a voluptuous Amazon preparing her bow to fire at an unspecified target. I often get fooled by appealing DVD covers – especially Jess Franco ones – and I still haven't learned to resist even after literally hundreds of awful experiences. Oh well… After reading the other user-comments, some parts of my memory returned although I still suspect to confuse this film with another Jess Franco masterpiece I watched the day before, namely "Diamonds of the Kilimanjaro" (and, yes, that one had an awesome DVD cover as well).

"Golden Temple Amazons" opens with a posse of hot white African Amazons – I am aware of the contradiction but don't blame me – slaughtering the parents of a fragile young girl because they were trespassing the turf with the intention of stealing the golden treasures from the temple. Several years and hormonal changes later, the girl returns to the jungle to get her revenge. She's accompanied by a bunch of sleazy adventurers who are less interested in the act of vengeance but wouldn't mind taking some gold back home. The rudimentary premise is obviously secondary to all the showcasing of ravishing female nudity and gratuitous sleaze. Analía Ivars, Eva Léon and the other nameless Amazons are all regular Franco choices and willingly walk around with their breasts proudly exposed. You better enjoy gazing at all these perfect female curves, as the rest of "Golden Temple Amazons" is a boring and incompetent mess. There's hardly any violence or action and no less than half of the film is pure filler, bits and pieces of National Geographic documentaries edited into the story and that sort of stuff. The awesome DVD cover would definitely be a great addition to your collection, but opening the box is utter pointless.

Wow, this movies unbelievable. First of all the plot is insane. This girls family is killed by an Amazon tribe and when she grows up seeks revenge on the tribe. Thats were sanity ends. Now its time for the insane. The female Amazon warriors are played by Scandinavian white women, whose chief is a fat old man, who don't live in the Amazon, their in Africa. Confused much, I was but I just decided to go with it.

The heroine of the story, Liana, meets many people on her travels. An African witch doctor who seemed to be Italian. The only true Africans were only seen in passing.

The "Golden Temple" looked so cheap, the walls looked as if they taped gold tin-foil to them. The chiefs chambers were obviously filmed in some ones house. Even though the temple is made out of stone and rock the chamber floors look like marble and the ceiling has a lavish design on them.

The greatest part of the movie were all the BOOBIES!! Oh glorious boobies. Every scene seemed to be filled with nothing but boobies, you couldn't hide from them. 82 minutes of BOOBIES!! So to wrap things up, everyone makes the statement "so bad it was good" and this movie definitely fits the mold. If your poison is weird "C" level movies that don't make a bit of sense, then this movies for you.

Oh, did I mention all the glorious Boobies!!

Stupid scenes, bad acting, poor dialogue, lots of topless scenes. Liana (Analía Ivars) is the heroine and main character of the movie. You'll be seeing a lot of her. She'll be running around topless throughout the whole movie. Amazons kill her gold hungry missionary parents and Liana is raised in the jungle away from civilization. Although she does seem to find a way to maintain a perm. When she matures, Liana decides she has to avenge her parent's death and with an odd assortment of characters she picks up on her quest, she goes after the Amazons. Not that hard a task. I don't recall seeing more than 7 in any scene. The movie has lots of nudity, violence, but no real gore. There are some scenes that if it wasn't for the nudity, you might think it was a children's film. It's a very cheaply made film with lots of mistakes. The more you question things, the worse it gets. For me, this was one of those it's so bad it's good movies. It's entertaining in a humorous way. Not to be taken seriously. Wait until you meet the witch doctor Koukou. Watch this one for the laughs.

It says so, so much about this film that it was originally a production helmed by infamous Spanish schlock maestro Jesús Franco. How much of the finished work reflects Franco's original vision, such as it may have been, and how much reflects adaptation by Georges Friedland and completion by Alain Payet, is an interesting question, and one to which I don't have the answer. It also doesn't matter, however, because I'm sure the end result would not have meaningfully differed. From the very first minutes we're treated to very tiresome and very gratuitous nudity, awful acting, terrible direction, excruciating dialogue, sometimes questionable cinematography, bland and repetitive music, recycled shots, racist tropes, hideous editing, scene and narrative writing that would be laughable if they weren't so wretchedly bad, and costume design, hair, and makeup that are just plain dubious. From the very first minutes this is weak, thin, flimsy, unconvincing, exhausting, aggravating, and in all other ways rotten, and I've barely scraped the surface of all the necessary criticism. Please, please take a word of advice from someone who will watch anything, who approached this out of a sense of curiosity, and who deeply regrets her decision: 'Les amazones du temple d'or,' or 'Golden Temple Amazons,' is completely without value, and no one should watch it.

Franco wasn't exactly known as a master filmmaker, but at least some of his pictures ranged from good to earnestly enjoyable. Was this a misfire from the time he first conceived of it? Were his other works a lucky mistake? Was Payet an astoundingly poor filmmaker himself, or was he just following Franco's lead to the letter? I think these are all very reasonable things to ponder, but in this instance we readily have at least part of an answer. One quick glance at other titles credited to Payet show that he mostly made his living off of pornography of one level or another. This isn't to say that filmmakers in the adult entertainment sector can't possess real skill, but it's safe to say that quality varies wildly, and there's also a world of difference between XXX videos and the production of full-length features. Or at least, there usually is; one way or another, given all the nudity that the camera lingers upon here - not to mention consistent dashes of misogyny, and the otherwise meager, floundering nature of the project - it's fairly evident that Payet approached this 1986 dumpster fire as little more than another one of his skin flicks. If one was feeling generous perhaps one could posit that the man just wasn't taking this seriously in any measure.

Is there anything of worth here? Anything at all? Certainly not the characters, bearing no intelligence as they are written and being unlikable from one to the next. Certainly not the notes of patriarchy, redefining the Amazonian mythology. I guess the filming locations are nice, and some aspects of the sets are half okay. Excessive as it is, the footage of animals is a welcome, brief, irregular diversion. And if nothing else about 'Les amazones du temple d'or' is true, we viewers will revel in the fact of the short runtime of less than ninety minutes. I'll even grant that in fairness, there are faint shades throughout of what might have been good ideas, thoughts that might have been shaped into a more appreciable B-movie in someone else's hands. Yet the unwavering truth is that this film, as we see it, is absolute, unremitting rubbish from top to bottom. Incredibly, I have actually seen titles that were even worse, but let's be perfectly honest, at this level the distinction is totally meaningless. Once more, I beg of you: however it is you came across this picture, whatever it is you think you'll get out of it, it's garbage that deserves to be forgotten. Anything else is far more worth your time, and will offer whatever it is you thought you'd find here and won't. You've been warned.

I really dont know where to begin, or end.... Bad bad acting, bad costumes BAD WIGS, bad sets (the golden walls in the mine is so obviously painted tin foil), ...Out of the 11 or so "amazon" women, not one of them looks like she ever worked out a DAY in her life.. Flab, banana boobs, cottage cheese arses, ...If it cost more than ten bucks and a pizza party to make this movie, i'd be shocked...........its really really bad.. Filmmakers, watch this movie please so you know what directioin NOT to go on ...