Three Came Running

I've never been a John Holmes fan, and THREE CAME RUNNING didn't change my attitude. Very haphazardly constructed, this showcase for the man with the big member has him attempting to act but in a lost cause. Title is relatively descriptive, and I suspect a pun on the classic Vincente Minnelli film SOME CAME RUNNING. Something Weird has preserved it on Vol. 90 of its Dragon Art Theatre series.

The Waddster stars under a pseudonym (all credits on screen are fake) as Prof. Rex Wright, a professor of animal husbandry at a small college who is three-timing three coeds. He has trouble with his semi-improvised dialog, claiming at one point to be working on his "doctorial thesis" (sic).

Film begins confusingly with a highlights segment featuring three money shots in three minutes, as Prof. Wright wanders around the campus and shots of the coeds presumably trigger these flashback ejaculations. Not to worry, the same shots are repeated later after the credits when the scenes unfold -waste not, want not (= padding the running time).

The girls, a blonde (lovely Nina Fause), a redhead and a black girl, eventually catch the prof and are understandably perturbed since he's engaged to be married to at least two of them. In a very tasteless "militant" segment, the black girl suggests they lynch him, and it's up to the attic for prof in bondage, as he becomes their sex slave for much of the remainder of the film.

SPOILER ALERT

Attempted comical twist has an ambulance arriving to take all 3 girls out on stretchers to the hospital, as it turns out that Holmes wears them out rather than vice versa.

Not much of a film, but heavy on the bondage motif, as the girls also grab and truss up a male student that Wright is tutoring, and force sex upon him too.

Weirdest element, again in the cause of low-humor, is Wright having a mysterious buddy (played by James Lancaster), who one assumes is his connection or some underworld figure, but turns out to be a savior of sort, feeding him bananas (!) during his bondage to keep his strength up. The apparent indication is that they have some sort of homoerotic relationship.

Running gag is Prof. Wright asking everyone he meets for money; it turns out he owes the jilted coeds $900, $1400 and $220 (last for the black girl who is working her way through college as a maid).

This particularly stupid narrative is merely an excuse for sex scenes on a couple of cheap sets, used over & over, with the emphasis on closeup ejaculation shots. Most are real, and repeated, while several shots are of the fake "girl's mouth runneth over" variety.

The only interesting footage for film students is the ending scene, where Holmes and his buddy, banana at the ready, exit in a Mercedes. The untalented filmmakers present it uncut, with the car having trouble getting going, and when it finally heads away down the street we have an extended shot of little kids playing on the sidewalk nearby. It's all so peaceful and natural that one wonders how this accidental grace note fits after an hour of tasteless and incompetently filmed porn.