Computer Beach Party

Computer Beach Party confused me in the way that I didn't know who the movie was for. It was obviously one of those "80's sex teen comedy" movies, and yet I really didn't understand what Gary Troy was thinking when he made it. Even the painful "Don't Go In The Woods" had better voice-over dubs, head room, character development, use of footage, and wasn't just 30 minutes of a movie with 47 minutes of filler. Granted, the computer and beach parties were present, but if I were anyone in the band "Panther", and had to supply the twenty-odd songs in the sound track, I'd be awfully ashamed. That is, if I weren't already ashamed of being in a hair band with the name "Panther".

My review was written in June 1988 after watching the movie on Vestron video cassette.

The second Texas-mae beach movie to come out recently (after "Thinkin' Big"), "Computer Beach Party" lives up to its title as an incoherent mishmash sunk by amateurish technique.

Familiar "Save Our Beach" premise has bespectacled ned Andy (Hank Amigo) and his wind sail buggy-racing pal Dennis (Andre Chimene) fighting a holding action to keep their uncluttered beach in the Galveston area from being covered with lifeguard towers and taken over by the mayor, who thinks sunken pirate treasure is in the vicinity. Coincidentally, Andy is romancing the mayor's beautiful daughter Allison (Stacey Nemour), Padded with lengthy song performances, 185 production is haphazardly constructed with some atrocious post-synching. The cast of supposed high schoolers looks on average at least 10 years too old to qualify, and the hero's computer prowess is used pointlessly to set up guest lists for two beach parties is a weak justification for pic's title.

Comedy content is weak, leaving little more than the bodacious bod of Nemour as reason to sit through this effort.

These guys really know how to hack. Two geniuses use several kilobytes of raw computing power to generate an illegal beach party full of strong, available women and powerful rock 'music'. There is some nudity, but that's why they call it Silicon Valley - right guys?

There is a plot about treasure, I think, and a land grab? The mayor is in it. The story quickly becomes insignificant as we are enchanted by the state-of-the-art computer graphics which infect this film like ransomware. Of course, special effects have come a long way since 1987 but this was considered the 'Cats' of its day.

Despite the director being in a coma throughout the whole production, the acting still happened and the cameras were switched on. There are people on screen and they have lines of dialogue. Sun, sea, sand, surf and sand. 0b1100001 minutes long.

This movie tries to cash in on the then-rising popularity of home computers and the waning teensploitation movement of the eighties. The result is a brainless, singularly tedious, ass-obsessed, badly dubbed, typically god-awful example of the genre. Packed with trite dialogue, pointless scenes, and insipid eighties rock music. Computers whose screens have pixels the size of your fist are shown to be able to perform miraculous tasks. This ranks third on the list of the worst movies I have ever seen (behind Baby Geniuses and Plan 9 From Outer Space), but I have to admit it is enjoyable on a "so bad it's good" level.

This film begins with two young men named "Andy" (Hank Amico) and "Dennis" (Andre Chimene) having some fun on the beach when a bully by the name of "Turk" (Rick Brakedale) drives up in his jeep and essentially ruins their day. Fortunately for Andy, however, is that Turk's girlfriend "Allison" (Stacey Nemour) is also in the jeep and in spite of everything else he gets the opportunity to meet her acquaintance. Not long afterward it is disclosed that an old ship sank off the coast with a treasure chest full of gold coins simply waiting to be found. Knowing this, the mayor of the nearby town-who happens to be Allison's father--has purchased that particular section of the beach and has instituted measures to restrict everybody else from going on it. Needless to say, this angers Andy and his friends and they become determined to stop the mayor at all costs. Now rather than reveal any more I will just say that this film turned out to be one of the worst pictures I have ever seen as it suffered from a thin plot, bad acting and a really basic script. To top things off, the music supplied by a rock group named "Panther" consisted of a lead singer who sang at least 2 or 3 decibels too high and completely out-of-sync with the band. Although he clearly enjoyed hearing his own voice I have to say that it became quite annoying rather quickly. In any case, although both Stacey Nemour and Hank Amico showed some acting potential there just wasn't anything else good about this movie and I have rated it accordingly. Awful.