- [first lines]
- Judge: Well, Mary Smith, I've heard some funny alibis, but yours takes the prize. You were waiting on a street corner for a man who is going to marry you. Are you sure he knew which corner you were going to be on?
- Mary Smith: Well, you see, I had been standing on the corner some time, when a man came along and asked me if I could use some money. He smiled so kindly that I thought that he perhaps realized that I needed some. You see, I've been out of work a long time.
- Judge: But if you knew you were going to be married, what did you want money for?
- Mary Smith: Well, I had waited so long I was beginning to think that he wasn't going to come.
- Judge: How long have you been doing this sort of thing?
- Nellie Gordon: Don't answer that. Tell him you got a sick mother in Kansas.
- Judge: I'm sorry, young woman. Your story's too thin. I shall have to...
- Jimmy Martin: Just a minute, Judge. I'm the man she was waiting for. I got blotto last night and missed her. This morning I was still a little... well, you know how it is, Judge.
- Judge: Order in the court!
- Judge: Mr. Martin, did you by any chance ever play a game called poker?
- Jimmy Martin: Often, Judge. Oh, anyway, two or three times.
- Judge: Well, I'm ready to call your bluff. Are you ready to marry this girl?
- Jimmy Martin: Certainly, Judge, certainly. If she'll have me. Mary, will you marry me?
- Mary Smith: Yes, Jimmy.
- Nellie Gordon: Well, I'm a dirty so-and-so.
- Mary Smith: Why were you in that courtroom?
- Jimmy Martin: Well, I'll tell you. I was out on a bender, see. I was going to a party, and the taxi got a flat tire right outside the courthouse. So I sort of wandered in, sat down.
- Mary Smith: Why did you marry me?
- Jimmy Martin: To get you out of a jam. You can get a divorce right away, you know.
- Jimmy Martin: Say, you got a whole kitchen, stove and everything here. Let's have dinner.
- Mary Smith: All right, but I...
- Jimmy Martin: Oh, sure. I understand. I'll go to the store and get something. What would you like? T-bone steak, salami, and dill pickles?
- Mary Smith: And potato chips?
- Jimmy Martin: Yes, sure. The kind that don't bend. Oh please, have you got a comb?
- Mary Smith: Oh, sure. Help yourself.
- Jimmy Martin: Oh, you like chocolate eclairs?
- Mary Smith: Yeah. I like the custard ones, not the cream ones.
- Jimmy Martin: Thank you. Say, you don't know what you're talking about. The cream ones are much better. All right, I'll get both kinds. I won't eat the custard ones.