They Bite

If you're of the opinion that Roger Corman's Humanoids From The Deep didn't have enough tits in it, then Brett Piper's They Bite is the film for you. Piper's film was clearly made on a fraction of the budget of the Corman movie, but attempts to make up for its cheapness by delivering as many bare breasts as possible.

Like Humanoids, They Bite sees mutant fish monsters emerging from the sea to attack people (mostly women with big tits); ichthyologist/tabloid reporter Melody Duncan (Donna Frotscher) teams up with porno director Mel Duncan (Nick Baldasare) and his team to try and get to the bottom of things.

Melding B-movie monster nonsense with sci-fi, They Bite is not quite as unwatchable as I had imagined: there's the aforementioned boobs to keep one amused, but the characters are also fun, the pace is decent, and the fish-mutant action is entertaining for those who don't mind cheap men-in-rubber-suit monsters (although I wish Piper had spent some of what little money he had on gore).

5.5/10, rounded down to 5 for the presence of dodgy podgy imprisoned pornstar Ron Jeremy, who plays one of the adult film crew.

While the 2 filming locations may be correct, they left off two of the main locations. One of those is Apalachicola, Florida and the other Indian Pass, Florida.

A Z-movie that tries to homage the past winners of this kind of cheap movie, They bite was a little less than I hope for. Sure, there is a lot of skin showed by several different nice looking actresses, a really ridicolous monster fish (as it should be), better acting than you may think in such a production, a couple of really good ideas (like the vagina dentata of Susie Owens and the black and white trailer for Invasion of the Fish F****rs), Ron Jeremy making a porn movie, but perhaps not enough gore and sex to totally satisfy the viewer of such a crap movie. So, in the end, this is a not compeltely convincing parodia of a Z-movie from the Fifties, made to look one of those movies, that it could has been better

This flick is really obscure to find. It never had a proper release on DVD or Blu Ray, to be honest, even on VHS it's a tough one to possess. Is it worth the search, honestly it isn't because it's an ultra low budget horror and it shows in the effects.

But that I could dig because not all low budgets are that bad. But here there isn't almost no horror. The beginning do offer some creepy moments but the tone is set because before the victim (voluptous blond) got killed she strips before the camera. And that is what it's all about.

The story is all about shooting a porn flick and there are a lot of misunderstandings which should make it a comedy but face it, it's full of gratuitous nudity and the story isn't that strong after all. It's only towards the end that the critters com in but by then it's all too late to save this flick.

Gore 0/5 Nudity 2/5 Effects 1/5 Story 1/5 Comedy 0,5/5

If you go into a movie called THEY BITE expecting a life-changing experience, then you've got yourself mopped into a corner for big disappointments. Understanding that this is a juvenile monster movie with no artistic ambitions is step one for a positive viewing experience...this is strictly "brains on pause" entertainment, and as such, it works quite nicely(and, naturally, anything featuring porn legend Ron Jeremy outside his...erm...natural habitat...is always interesting to see).

An uncomplicated aliens-on-Earth-eating-people item which has a good sense of humor about itself, and features some very inventive monsters and a goodly amount of ribald chuckles. Production values and acting are mostly above the equator for this type of fare, and some of the special effects moments demonstrate surprising ingenuity and aptitude.

You could do far worse than this...just work with it instead of against it, and you'll probably have a fun time.

5.5/10.