They Bite

After the first five minutes you're probably thinking this is nothing but cheap smut and violent filth.You're basically right. but if you can handle this kind of movie then you should probably see it(although it is hard to find).Also anyone who is a fan of the old beach monster movies shown at drive ins in the 50's-60's will probably like this seeing as how it pays homage to movies of that sub genre like 'The Horror of Party Beach'.This is not a movie to take seriously, you should just have fun with it.

This flick is really obscure to find. It never had a proper release on DVD or Blu Ray, to be honest, even on VHS it's a tough one to possess. Is it worth the search, honestly it isn't because it's an ultra low budget horror and it shows in the effects.

But that I could dig because not all low budgets are that bad. But here there isn't almost no horror. The beginning do offer some creepy moments but the tone is set because before the victim (voluptous blond) got killed she strips before the camera. And that is what it's all about.

The story is all about shooting a porn flick and there are a lot of misunderstandings which should make it a comedy but face it, it's full of gratuitous nudity and the story isn't that strong after all. It's only towards the end that the critters com in but by then it's all too late to save this flick.

Gore 0/5 Nudity 2/5 Effects 1/5 Story 1/5 Comedy 0,5/5

Back in 1980 a remarkably entertaining b-movie was released called Humanoids From the Deep, it was a really enjoyable tale about fishmen preying on the towns people. In 1996 it was remade and was really quite poor, well the same year they made this which is essentially a parody of them and it's no better than the remake.

You see it tells essentially the same story but with tweaks, but more comedy. Trouble is there isn't enough comedy to get past the movies overwhelming volume of flaws.

Starring porn industry legend Ron Jeremy (Looking oddly trim) we see less of the creatures than we'd perhaps like to due to I can only assume their restricted budget. To make up for this we'd have needed a lot of laughs and a great script but alas we lack both.

Sure I laughed a couple of times, but literally a couple of times across the movies 90 minutes running time! It's just not funny enough, the horror element is entirely absent and quite frankly a lot of it is just plain ugly.

Jeremy is great, our leading lady who has this movie and this movie alone on her resume was great also but beyond them the movie brings nothing to the table except lashings of boobs!

The Good:

A few good cast members

A couple of laughs

The Bad:

Low budget shows

Not enough comedy to justify the runtime

Hardly a "Parody"

A Z-movie that tries to homage the past winners of this kind of cheap movie, They bite was a little less than I hope for. Sure, there is a lot of skin showed by several different nice looking actresses, a really ridicolous monster fish (as it should be), better acting than you may think in such a production, a couple of really good ideas (like the vagina dentata of Susie Owens and the black and white trailer for Invasion of the Fish F****rs), Ron Jeremy making a porn movie, but perhaps not enough gore and sex to totally satisfy the viewer of such a crap movie. So, in the end, this is a not compeltely convincing parodia of a Z-movie from the Fifties, made to look one of those movies, that it could has been better

If you're of the opinion that Roger Corman's Humanoids From The Deep didn't have enough tits in it, then Brett Piper's They Bite is the film for you. Piper's film was clearly made on a fraction of the budget of the Corman movie, but attempts to make up for its cheapness by delivering as many bare breasts as possible.

Like Humanoids, They Bite sees mutant fish monsters emerging from the sea to attack people (mostly women with big tits); ichthyologist/tabloid reporter Melody Duncan (Donna Frotscher) teams up with porno director Mel Duncan (Nick Baldasare) and his team to try and get to the bottom of things.

Melding B-movie monster nonsense with sci-fi, They Bite is not quite as unwatchable as I had imagined: there's the aforementioned boobs to keep one amused, but the characters are also fun, the pace is decent, and the fish-mutant action is entertaining for those who don't mind cheap men-in-rubber-suit monsters (although I wish Piper had spent some of what little money he had on gore).

5.5/10, rounded down to 5 for the presence of dodgy podgy imprisoned pornstar Ron Jeremy, who plays one of the adult film crew.