Anno zero - Guerra nello spazio

I just finished watching this...and I will be honest...I'd seen a few minutes of it browsing a Digiview DVD compilation...I truly knew from just that few minutes this was probably a stinker, but I watched it because the actresses had tight uniforms. Yes, I know...that's terrible...but I couldn't help myself. Truly, the story was a wash out and watching the girls really was the motivation. I will say that actor, John Richardson was not as bad as everyone else. Too bad he didn't get a film role that he could shine. The ending of the movie is reminiscent of a twilight zone twist, which was a nice touch for those who suffer through it. Directing is almost as good as a high school film production, and a blind grandmother could have done much better cinematography. I read here that a reviewer wrote the special effects were as cruddy as 1950's sci-fi, and I say shame on you for saying that...they not nearly as good as Flash Gordon or War of the Worlds. On the other hand, they are as good as that stuff I just left in the toilet. But seriously, I can't even say that you have to see it to believe it, because in all fairness, you wouldn't believe it. Sadly, this film has been preserved electronically for all to see.

Yup .. this piece of cinematic doodie, is terrible. Why, Oh why, do I have soft spot for crap movies .. we'll never know. At least I'm not the only one. Apparently this is a kind of follow on from "Planet of the Vampires" .. which although low budget, was quite an entertaining and atmospheric film. It's definitely NOT a Star Wars rip off as it has nothing to do with that.

It starts badly, teeters off in the middle, and the less said about the end the better. Best thing to do if you want to see this is with it on youtube .. there's a few places that have it. I certainly wouldn't buy it unless it's on one of those sci-fi movie box sets that contains 100 awful movies.

I won't dwell on the 'story' .. but needless to say it's badly made. Awful script ... if awful even comes close to describing it. One can't help but blame the director for a lot of the dumb performances because .. well .. it's his fault! Editing is okay, considering the crappy material they had to work with.

But hands down the biggest offence in this film is the music score. Ouch!! .. like being rogered with a prize winning cactus. John Barry proved you could have awesome music in a goody film (Starcrash 1978), so there's no excuse to phone in the score like they did here.

Watch it if you dare, or if you're a sucker for bad movie .. like me! This movie could have been saved if the boys and bots at MST3K had riffed it, sadly it wasn't awful enough for them :P

Would be a good film for a crap-fest!

In 1977, Alfonso Breschia grabbed a video camera, some torches, some of his mates, and a moog and went to his garage to make a film of the future where multi-cultural crews battle space threats, technologically advanced robots are smart-arses, and Glaswegian astronauts turn into slime drooling monsters!

All of Alfonso Breschia's space films have a terrible reputation, and that's because they are terrible low budget affairs full of people spouting scientific bollocks while ear piercing noises and flashing images assault the senses. This one however actually manages to transcend all this to be entertaining and awful at the same time. Let's get to the plot and explain.

For starts, John Richardson is a hot-headed space captain who hates the fact that everyone relies on a computer called the Wiz to do the thinking for them. In fact, he's not a fan of that simulated sex machine Malisa Longo uses either. He'd rather let his balls and his brain do the thinking, so when Earth receives a signal from outer space, either his brains or his balls act quickly and attack two aggressive ships that fly towards his ship. This turns out to be a good idea.

On this mysterious planet, the crew find an archway that teleports them...somewhere else where they are attacked by a violent indestructible robot who has been murdering the silver-coated alien inhabitants. We find out that there's this huge arrogant computer that ended up in control of everything, likes killing things for fun, and wants to take over Earth. That sounds like a job for robot hating John!

In this crazy world were people have to awkwardly wave their hands behind their heads to close doors instead of using door handles, alarms flash like 90's raves and scream insanely, and astronauts sing 'I belong to Glasgow', how does one distinguish who is human and who has been taken over by an alien computer? Strangely, this film turns into a horror at the last twenty minutes, which is probably why I rate this one over Breschia's other sci-fi trash crap.

Weirdly, this film uses the 'blast the alien out of the airlock' bit before Alien! You're a trailblazer, Breschia!

WAR OF THE PLANETS begins with flashing, beeping, and a toy spaceship floating around. The ship's crew are wearing red swim caps, perhaps to keep space mold from growing between their ears. The ship's computer, known as WIZ, drones on in monotone fashion, much like an industrial fan.

Astronauts leap from ship to ship, probably trying to escape this movie's pull of death. Actions take place for no discernable reason. A man screams as though something is happening. Nope. WIZ blathers on.

Meanwhile, on Earth, some sort of crisis has developed. Mysterious signals, sounding like chipmunks caught in a storm drain are transmitted to the ship. WIZ gives orders. We discover that the ship has an onboard orgasmatron. Even this is boring.

Lasers flash! Sound effects whoop and bloop! Spaceships spin! WIZ yammers on! My God, this is the Marianas Trench of boredom! Crushing tedium destroying our minds! Pray for us all!

This movie is cinematic arthritis, causing agony with no hope of relief! We know that somewhere, someone said, "Oh yeah, I saw STAR WARS. I can make a movie just like that!". This is the film that George Lucas could have made, had his brain been turned into tuna salad.

This, my friends, is sub-sludge without mercy...

Deserving of a place on anyone's list of the worst films ever made, this hugely enjoyable, hopeless sci-fi rubbish has to be seen to be believed. Made the same year as Star Wars and yet still setting the genre back 30 years, this must surely be the worst film ever to be written by two guys named Al.

Most of the fun the film has to offer is to be had reading the credits at the beginning, with a host of hilarious names including Max Bonus and Charles Really. Many of the contributors are only identified by their first initials - undoubtedly a testament to their shame at having participated in this atrocity.

A hotshot space captain and his crew are sent on a dangerous mission to investigate a mysterious signal discovered in deep space. They encounter a planet ruled by a malevolent robot who has enslaved the people who created him. Turns out he sent the signal so that someone would come and fix his dodgy circuit board.

Mysterious space signals and psychopathic technology are not the only nods to 2001: A Space Odyssey. War of the Planets even boasts a space walk gone wrong, and it's even set to some homemade Strauss.

Desperately amateurish performances abound, and are made even sillier by the ridiculous costumes the entire cast wears, although I'll concede that the women do look good in their figure-hugging outfits. Crammed full of some of the most abominable "special effects" I've ever seen in a film, this is well worth a look if you're into truly awful cinema.