The Notorious Cleopatra

History is warped yet again by Box Office International, in this lavish, lewd and ludicrous epic by producer (Mantis In Lace) and occasional director (Secret Sex Lives Of Romeo & Juliet) Peter Perry. According to Perry's version, Julius Caesar is a corpulent grump, lamenting the drab quality of orgy talent while a concubine drapes herself across his royal presence. At the mention of Cleopatra as an exotic addition to his carnal menu, he orders his cohort Mark Anthony (`Rome's greatest lover') to Egypt to check out the talent - with a strict hands-off policy. Cut to Mark Anthony, whose hands are anywhere but off the Nubian nuptials. After a ringside seat at a virgin sacrifice and multi-racial orgy, Anthony and co return to Rome understandably knackered; Cleo and her handmaiden (!!) follow them incognito. She has a thing for Mark Anthony herself, but ambition gets the better of her, and finds the way to a Caesar's heart is through his stomach. Mark Anthony meanwhile becomes the patsy for Caesar's murder, and discovers her treachery while on the run. Exit Cleo, exit Mark Anthony, and historical accuracy is flushed down the aqueduct once more for good luck.

Absolute stunner Sonora proves `Black is Beautiful', in a rare example of an Afro-American lead in a sexploitation flick, while Mark Anthony aka Johnny Rocco (Exotic Dreams Of Casanova) manages both the cheapo one-liners and gut-wrenching melodrama without moving his teeth. But it's Caesar (Jay Edwards, also from Casanova)who gets the best lines - `Cleopatra or not, you sure are a stacked bitch!' - while he's not cramming grapes into his portly gob. Definitely more than a mouthful, this tantalizing titbit.

For a 'sexploitation' picture, THE NOTORIOUS CLEOPATRA doesn't really work as one. The little bits of comedy we do see are pretty inane asides to the camera in the style of "Laugh-In", which thankfully are pretty much relegated to the first third of the picture. The sex scenes don't work too well either, dragging on for 5-10 minutes at a stretch and featuring some uglies who should have been paid to stay clothed. The film would have probably worked better as a straight period piece, since surprisingly most of the cast are fairly decent in their roles. Rocco, although wooden as the Trojan Horse with his facial expressions, does the best among all the cast as Marc Antony. The film actually gets less comical as it rolls on, turning dead serious in the last 10 minutes! And most shocking of all, it actually seems to work better that way.

Softt-core period piece that has the 'action' taking place during the days of the Roman Empire falls flat. Whereas "the Secret sex lives of romeo & Juliet" had it's quite attractive women to fall back on as well as a fews actually humorous jokes, this film has neither. The women are not that attractive (and the men are outright hideous). The movie is a deadly dull chore to watch even for a few minutes much less the whole thing. Any watcher of Something Weird's dvds can attest to the films they release are purely hit or miss. This one being an obvious all-around miss.

Something Weird DVD Extras: 2 short features (Cleopatra's milk bath, and Cleopatra's asp); gallery of Harry Novak art; and Trailers for "the Brazen women of Balzac", "A Clock Work Blue". "Fanny Hill", "the Nine Ages of Nakedness", "Roman Love Triangle", & "the Secret Sex lives of Romeo and Juliet" (The latter of which is also on this double feature DVD)

Eye Candy: all the women show skin, but most you don't want to see them naked

I was going to summarize this movie with "A failed attempt at a sex comedy" then I realized this movie was made in 1970.

This movie had all the clichés of the 1960s sex comedies; the one liners, wooden acting, girls constantly naked, group orgies and the music.

While it may have worked in that era, watching it now in 2012 the movie is just, plain bad. The comedic one liners fall flat, the girls are not that pretty, the dancing very 60s, the music jarring and the sex extremely boring.

Basically the sexual scenes all drag on for too long and the orgy scenes were a complete waste of time. Its simply bodies writhing together.

I cannot recommend this movie. There are others of the genre and era that still translate well into the current time. This movie does not.