Hell Mountain

Well the name, Hell mountain, was a cool name I thought, and after reading the story in the the papers I decided to tape it, bad mistake! After watching it for about 5 minutes I realised that 3 of the minutes had been sex scenes, strange, but ok this might work out good, it didn't. The unmotivated sex and nudity happened more often and the cheap action I was hoping for collapsed under the strength of semi-naked (ugly) girls, and the post-catastrophe action movie turned into a pathetic soft core film.

But if you are really tired (or drunk), then you might laugh at the priceless actors (specially the couple in latex).

In an apocalyptical future, the world is completely destroyed and ruled by the tyrannical Stryker (Andrew McIlroy). He controls the unique source of food and uses young women as slaves to explore the mines in the Hell Mountain. When he abducts Shira (Nicole Nieth), her lover Kal (Bentley Mitchum) meets with the last professor on earth, Garrett (Jack Scalia), who helps him to rescue Shira.

I believe that a moron wrote the silly and absurd story and the screenplay of this crap, actually a cheap sexploitation. The dialogs are terrible and every scene is a motive to have sex or to show breasts, butts or naked woman. The acting is awful, highlighting the "stunning" ham actor Bentley Mitchum and his inexpressively face. At least, most of the actresses have beautiful bodies, and the viewer does not need to pay attention to their "acting". Do not waste your time or money with this garbage. My vote is three.

Title (Brazil): "Prisioneiras do Inferno" ("Prisoners of Hell")

My buddies and I are always talking about how all women's prison films are the same. You know, the lesbian warden, the shower scenes and random acts of female humiliation. This is a bad movie, but it sure worked hard at being something more. A WPF with a love story is quite rare. Set in the future where there seems to be a shortage of shower facilities, this movie has a lot of forced inspection and clothes changing scenes instead. There is a hosing down scene that would qualify as epic. There is an above average whipping scene. I would add this to your WPF library as evidence the genre can still expand. I was able to get through this thing without great pain just to see where it would go. The women are attractive and the manual labor scenes are appealing. Working so hard in a rock mine with skimpy outfits would surely lead to many nipple injuries. I don't know what the producers paid to get the Chained Heat 3 subtitle, but I am glad they did. I don't think I would have purchased it without it. I would not put this movie in the "so bad it's good" category, but I would put it in the "whoh-what the hell was that" category.

"Horror of Hell Mountain" wants to be:

A) A soft-core sex film

B) A women-in-prison film

C) An action film

D) A post-apocalyptic film

It fails on all levels, because:

A) The tone is too depressing - there is one tasteful love scene at the very beginning, the rest is a total turn-off

B) Only two of the prisoners seem to matter as characters - all the rest are treated as pieces of meat - and even one of them is ignored at the end!

C) It's cheap - check out the fake computer explosions at the end

D) It's shot in the Czech Republic, and that's it - there is no other effort to create a post-apocalyptic world.

Even seeing Sarah Douglas doesn't help much - partly because she's beginning to look her age here and partly because it's sad to witness her huge fall from "Superman II" to a film like this. (*)

Hi there! I'll be your waiter today. Want to stare at girls in the flimsiest of prison costumes with while doing hot, sweaty manual labour?! Then step this way, sir! We also have lesbian threesomes, bare backed whipping and even a bit of S and M for your viewing pleasure too. All contained in this lovely, sticky eastern European pudding, which is so cheap so even the riff-raff can afford it! Unfortunately, in order to cut back on expenses, we've had to forgo certain other non-essential ingredients. This includes, but by means is limited to: a screenplay, decent actors, a convincing set and non-repetitive music. Well, that's what you pay your money for, sir.

To make it an even more tantalising dish, we've also linked it to the infamous Chained Heat series, you know... the ultimate in ladies behind bars films. Even though it has absolutely no tie in with those flicks, it was a last minute decision made by our marketing people to rake in extra cash from all those gullible horndogs out there. Crafty, eh? You might say we're tried to mislead you, but as long as you get your quota of nudity and we get your dollars, who gives a monkeys?! That's right sir... that'll be $9.99 then, including the copy of Mary Poppins you also ordered. Something for now, and something for later on when the kids are in bed eh! NUDGE NUDGE WINK WINK... Suits you sir!! (Fast Show references to fade out...) 0/10