Blood Freak

After hearing about Blood Freak for years, after preparing myself by collecting over two hundred of the worst movies ever made, after nearly resigning myself to paying a fortune for a copy, I found Blood Freak sitting on a shelf with a cute little green price tag, biding its time, waiting to pounce.

I wasn't ready for this. Read all the other comments and realize that they're not exaggerating in the least. WORST movie ever made? No, that's still got to be Night of Horror. Blood Freak calls for a category not yet invented - the sheer glorious dancing-with-the-angels whack flakiness of Godmonster of Indian Flats or Troll 2, combined with the absolute ineptitude of Night of Horror, Weird World of LSD, or Broadway Jungle. And then add something more, an X factor, the ability to send you off the couch and onto the Karistan wheezing like a busted calliope, like the head of Hitler mugging it up in the back seat in They Saved Hitler's Brain, or the immortal. "The natives call it - Tabanga!" in from Hell It Came.

Yes, it's about mutant turkeys, good Bible preaching, a hair farm named Herschell, and balding cracker dopers, but Blood Freak goes so much further. It has the rare quality of twisting away from you and running off in a different direction, whenever you think you've got it pegged. At half a dozen points in the movie you'll have yourself totally convinced that this is a send-up, that the crazed lounge-lizards-for-Jesus narrator is smirking and winking at you. Then a throat gets slashed, a leg gets sawn off, and you realize that, no, the mutant turkeys that created this farrago are SERIOUS.

I'll give a free kitten to the first person who comes up with the present location of the papier-mache turkey head.

A very shaky camera follows leatherclad 'Nam vet Herschell (Steve Hawkes) down the Florida turnpike, where he helps Angel, a stranded, bible quoting "seeker of the truth" in hot pants. The two go back to her place, where a hippie drug party hosted by Angel's cute, baby-voiced "far out" sister Anne is taking place. When Herschell ignores the advances of a woman, she informs him, "You' re nothing but a dumb b***ard who doesn't know where it's at, anyway!"

Herschell ends up getting a job at the father's turkey farm, Anne gets him "hooked" on pot and scientists in lab jackets trick him into eating chemicals that transform him into a turkey headed monster that gobbles, hangs people upside down, slits their throats and drinks the blood, all while dressed in flared bell-bottom pants!

One very blood, standout murder scene has a guy getting his leg cut off with a table saw. Some real turkeys are beheaded, too, for additional gore. But the action stops cold when the on-screen, chain-smoking narrator (played by director Grinter) reads preachy, pro-Christian commentary off of cue cards on a desk!

The big, muscular Hawkes sports Elvis hair, thick sideburns and weird, blotchy skin, and is one of the worst actors I can think of. Other cast members flub or forget their lines and often look directly at the camera and laugh! No one is credited with writing it on the version I have (the original VHS copy), but with lines directed toward Hawkes like, "He's strong, he's handsome and he enjoys being attractive to the opposite sex," I strongly suspect he had his hand in there somewhere.

Do NOT miss this movie!

Score: (technically speaking) 1 out of 10 / (for laughs) 10 out of 10!

I'm kinda torn on how to rate this movie. On one hand "Blood Freak" has some of the worst "acting" I have ever witnessed on film including a chain smoking narrator that constantly looks down at his script who at one point goes into a serious coughing spell that is not edited out at all. On the other hand this is a one-of-a-kind insane combination of drug propaganda, slasher films, monster movies and Christian evangelism that has never been repeated to this day. With both of these factors in mind I decided on a score between the two which is why I gave it a 5 out of 10.

Steve Hawkes is Steve Hawkes as Herschell. Why they choose to show his name twice is a mystery but make no mistake that Mr. Hawkes is the star of "Blood Freak" as he looks like a combination of Lou Ferrigno and Elvis. Herschell is a biker riding the Florida highways when he meets free spirited Ann who becomes instantly smitten with the soft spoken brute. She takes him to a drug party where he meets Ann's sister Angel who represents the straight and narrow path. Her words of warning to Herschell seem to resonate with him yet after one toke he becomes instantly hooked. Yeah, that happens with marijuana a lot. With his addiction growing and the need to satisfy his fix overpowering Herschell agrees to an absurd experiment where he eats turkey meat that has been tampered with by two scientists that are probably the worst of the so-called actors in this movie. Sure enough the infected meat turns Herschell into a turkey-headed beast that must feed on blood. From here he goes on a murderous rampage of neck slitting and leg hacking that takes "Blood Feast" from simple anti-drug screed into a gory hack-n-slash. To say that somewhere along the line "Blood Freak" got lost in translation is an understatement. How this was supposed to bring more Christians into the fold after watching this is beyond me. For bad movie enthusiasts out there this is THE MOVIE that you must see at least once in order to give you a true barometer as to what is considered bad in the bad way and bad in the awesomely bad way. I only remembered to review this when I stumbled upon Steve Hawkes on an episode of "Fatal Attractions" using his real name of Steve Sipek and his dangerous lifestyle of living with multiple lions and tigers. It's good to know that he continues to live beyond the norm.

I get so emotional whenever I attempt to write a review about "Blood Freak". The last review I wrote was not accepted by IMDB as I got too out of line and my review degenerated into uncontrolled bantering. Just know that my love for this movie cannot be contained in mere words. "Blood Freak" is a must see by all. The movie itself is indeed a FREAK of nature. You'll never see a movie quite like it unless it's contrived and purposely-made camp. This film is as out-of-control as a serious filmmaker could get and still be trying to make an honest-to-God film with a real message. Never have I seen a pro-Jesus-anti-drug-murder-turkey-mutant-vampire movie. Brad Gritner and Steven Hawkes have succeeded in going beyond laughing-stock into a realm of unparrelled cult statis that which few will ever attain. I wont spoil one minute of this movie for you by recounting any of it, just know that it's impossible to find any movie more deserved of the cult genre than this one. Take the plunge and see this movie!!! You wont regret it!

This has got to be one of the most bizarre movies that I've seen. Here's the basic plot: a young man on a motorcycle follows a young girl home after meeting on the road. Before they go into her house, she tells him that her sister is having one of her ‘drug parties' with her friends. While she's changing clothes, her one sister tries to come on to him, and offer him drugs, to which he declines both. The first sister comes back out and then starts preaching the gospel to the her new friend and some of the members of the ‘drug party'. Next the guy gets a job at the girl's father's turkey farm, doing odd jobs, including taste-testing some turkeys that have been experimented on. Before you know it, this guy turns into a turkey-headed monster that kills people and drinks their blood! During throughout the whole movie, a narrator breaks into to discuss and inform people of what's ‘going on'. All the time while preaching about the evils of doing drugs and putting chemicals in your body, he's chain-smoking cigarettes!

This was made in the early 70's and on a very small budget with probably not a real actor in the whole film. The turkey-monster is literally a guy with a turkey head mask over his face. Everybody is reading his or her script, especially the narrator, who is looking down at it more than looking at the camera. Plus the ‘drug party' is obviously what Christian's thought a ‘drug party' really looked like back then. While strangely enough there is really no nudity, other than one quick butt shot, there is a little bit of gore, especially one scene where a man has his leg cut off at the shin on a circular saw. This is a pretty graphic and intense sequence. Where and how it got into this film, I just don't know. So if you're really looking for a really weird one, seek this one out. Was it entertaining? That depends on your definition. I just sat there throughout most of it, just amazed that it had actually gotten made. Some religious group must of gotten together to make their own ‘horror film' to scare the youngster straight.