The Final Sacrifice

OK, hands down, The Final Sacrifice is the best Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode. I'm still laughing every time I think of this movie, it's just, how do movies like this get green lighted? Or did the director ever stop and wonder if he was making a good movie? The acting and characters were just so unintentionally laughable, it's insane. I can't believe they gave the "hero" a name like Zap Rasdower, that's such a stupid name, but it made for a good laugh, that's for sure. The kid, Troy, looked like such a Lord of the Rings type of dork(no offense to the LOTR fans, it's cool that you like it)that you couldn't help but wanna get inside the film and knock the books out of his hands. The villain or Canadian villain Garth Vador had this ridicules voice, and were did Mike Piper get his voice? Was Yo Sammity Sam like his inspiration? This is just such a ridicules story.

Troy is looking for who caused the death of his father, he finds a map that is supposed to lead him to a lost world. But this cult lead by Garth Vador is after him and wants him dead and wants the map, but Troy outsmarts them by getting on his ten speed bike to out run them. He gets off his bike and hitches a ride with Zap Rowsdower and together they go to find out what this is all about and why Troy's father died. Maybe they can also find out why Rowswer is a... hopeless drunk.

The Final Sacrifice is one of those movies you'll never believe got made, it's just so laughable. I highly recommend the Mystery Science Theater 3000 version, it's just beyond funny, I loved every moment in that episode. But I hope the director watched that episode because I wanna see a Zap and Troy spin off, that would be an awesome show with an occasional guest appearance of Mike Pipper. I smell the Emmy's coming for best new show, lol.

1/10

As far as abysmally crappy movies go, The Final Sacrifice isn't so bad. Sure, it's technically inept in just about every way, features horrible dialogue, and doesn't have a character in the entire film with a realistic name (the fact that the director signs his checks "Tjardus Greidanus" goes a long way towards explaining this phenomena), but it's got something most films in its class lack: heart. I'd say Greidanus is akin to the famous Ed Wood, in that he shows not a shred of talent but at least seemed to believe in what he did. Rather than slapping a recycled costume on an assistant director and creating yet another lame, lousy creature feature with an insipid story, he tried to create something original, new, and interesting. He failed miserably, but at least he tried.

The plot revolves around a pre-Internet nerd named Troy, who, apparently, spends his time digging stuff out of the attic that relates to his father's death somehow, stares at it for a while, and then gives up on figuring out what happened and just puts it all away again. He lucks out when a ski-masked cult randomly decides to come looking for a map that leads to a lost city, even though they could have come any time in the seven years prior but for some reason decided to let him grow old enough to somehow thwart their entire incompetent organization with the help of a beer-guzzling, mullet-endowed drifter...but I get ahead of myself.

So anyway, Troy is forced to go outside the house for the first time in a decade and somehow winds up in the truck bed of the aforementioned drifter, who manages to deliver his name, Zap Rowsdower, with a straight face. Even the nerdy kid understands how embarrassing it is to call a grown man "Zap," so he (repeatedly) refers to him as "Rowsthdower," which isn't really much of an improvement. Anyhow, some other stuff happens, involving a gray-bearded, oh-my-god-I-can't-believe-people-like-this-actually-exist-type character named Mike Pipper, who explains some less-than-interesting exposition explaining what they're up against and what's at stake--the world, of course! After looking thoroughly unconcerned, our heroes, though they couldn't pool together enough mental resources to open a can of tuna (though Rowsdower has a lot of experience opening cans...of beer...), find a way to overthrow the muscleheaded cult, defeat the villainous Satoris (a man with a voice deeper than the lead singer of Type O Negative), knock over a pole, raise the lost cardboard miniature of Ziox, and save all of Canada, acting like it's some sort of major accomplishment all the while. The movie ends with an inspiring shot of Troy and Zap in the Zapmobile, going somewhere for some reason. My bet is that it involved beer and cheese.

This infamous movie will forever hold a place in my heart. It follows the tragic story of a young boy, apparently spawned from the loins of a young Dan Dierdorf and a Ferengi, trying to find his way to treasure in a world of masked sadists, beer-stinking mullets and too-tight red sweaters. Pursued by the all-too-easy-to-kill Satoris, our adolescent protagonist, Troy, must fight through all sorts of challenges placed in his way. From broken down trucks to acid wash jeans, Troy overcomes. His hero sidekick (are you ready for this?), Zap Rowsdower...hang on, I need a moment...OK...is the hops and barely fueled muscle in Troy's fight against evil. Zap Rowsdower is the cinematic equivalent of George W. Bush. He reminds us that truly ANYONE can be a hero. Even beer swilling morons. Finally, the 'bad guy', Satoris, is apparently evil because he has a big face, wears a black trench coat, has a deep voice and waves a cane around in the woods. Sure, whatever you say, Canada.

The plot to this movie isn't really important. You'll probably find it in the same place the Ziox buried their lost city. The real fun behind this Great Northern catastrophe is the characters. From Yosemetie Sam to Zap himself, this movie is completely engrossing. I felt pulled into their lives. And it smelled a lot like back bacon.

Now I know that most everyone has seen this movie only because of the comedy genius of MST3K, or Mistie to the loyal masses. However, I sincerely believe that this film can be enjoyed without the commentary by anyone with a sense of humor. You cannot last this entire film, in its unbridled, unmistied glory without busting a gut.

As an MST, this film is in my top 5 (I am a huge MST fan), but it is one of the few that is easy to watch even without our be-silhouetted trio. From mullets and beer cans to Troy's horribly frightening visage, this film will take you on a journey through the north. You will fight men who wear tank tops in the snow, the ancient traps of the Ziox, a large man with a stick and your own gag reflex. This movie comes highly recommended without MST. With MST, it is simply a must see for anyone who loves to laugh so hard you need to wear adult diapers.

2/10 for the movie, but a hefty 9/10 for the masochists who love MST! ~Aaron

If it weren't for MST3K, I wouldn't have seen or known of The Final Sacrifice in the first place. While it is not the worst of their movies featured(Manos, Monster A-Go Go, Wild World of Batwoman, Space Mutiny and Hobgoblins), it is one of MST3K best and most entertaining reviews/riffs. Make no mistake, The Final Sacrifice is a dire movie but because it made me amused at times, partly because the review and partly because of the absurdity of the characters' names, I can't say that it had no redeeming qualities. Despite those patches of amusement, The Final Sacrifice is one of those movies that has more cons than it has pros. The camera work and editing are not quite as amateurish as Space Mutiny, but it is very slip-shod and continuity-ridden, never shrugging off the viewer's notions that it looks and feels like a first draft of a student film. The dialogue is awkward and laughably bad, I wouldn't be all that surprised if it was improvised often, while the story is ridiculous personified(like the cult knocking on Troy's door after he finds the map seven years after his dad was killed by the same cult) and due to the abruptness of the ending it feels unfinished also. The acting is terrible, with the fake voices it was very difficult to take them seriously, playing the characters for a laugh- as it seemed- didn't work as everything was far too amateur-hour-ish. The worst asset is the soundtrack, being badly recorded, annoyingly orchestrated, overpowering and hugely repetitive(it's literally only 3 pieces of music, all three of which sound as though they belong elsewhere). Overall, dire but I've seen worse, on MST3K and generally. 2/10 Bethany Cox

"Quest for the Lost City" (or "The Final Sacrifice" as it is more commonly known) features a paper thin plot apparently thought up by a third grader, stunningly icky and sometimes downright ugly characters, and not much else.

This is the story of geeky little Troy, whose dad was an amateur archaeologist who disappeared a few years back whilst seeking The Lost City! Troy finds a map to The Lost City that his dad left behind and soon, ski-mask wearing moose hunters in black tank tops and sweat pants are chasing after him with machetes. We're never really quite sure exactly why these bodybuilders don't want anyone to find out about them, but their boss Satoris - a greasy, creepy looking guy with an impossibly deep voice and a penchant for black trenchcoats and kinky riding crops - gives the orders and no one questions him. Troy hooks up with a lumpy loser name of - get this - Zap Rowsdower. What the hell kind of a name is Zap Rowsdower? I mean, if you were Mrs. Rowsdower, why would you want to curse your son further by naming him Zap, for crying out loud? But, I digress...

Zap used to be a member of the bodybuilders cult, but was tossed out by Satoris, apparently for having a stupider name than him. Zap might also know more about the death of Troy's father than he's willing to admit, but there's no time for that as Troy and Zap meet Mike Pipper, Troy's dad's old partner. Mike is a strange combination of Yosemite Sam and Jethro Tull, and although I suspect he was supposed to be the wise man of the film, filling in plot holes and offering Yoda-like advice, I couldn't stop laughing at him long enough to take him or anything he said seriously. Apparently, while I was laughing, I missed something important, because Troy is kidnapped by Satoris and prepared for The Final Sacrifice! It is now up to Zap to save him and clear his own name in the process.

Yeah, whatever.

This film might have worked better if Troy had instead been an attractive young girl and Zap had been a handsome young man with a less stupid name... and less facial hair and a better wardrobe and less body odor and...well, it would have been predictable as hell, but it would have been more interesting. I mean, wouldn't the gods that Satoris worships be a little cheesed off at being offered such a goofy sacrifice? This is clearly a family project, with the directors close friends and distant cousins trying to pass themselves off as actors, and the director himself trying to pass himself off as a director. Good gods, a full cast and crew actually wasted an entire sunny weekend making this pile of moose dung. And yet, I found myself rather amused by it all. It's one of my favorite MST3K episodes and I'm not really sure why. Maybe it's the silly names, maybe it's the simplicity of the plot (which reminded me of stories I wrote when I was a dumb kid) maybe I'm secretly attracted to guys with cavernous noses and really stupid names, I don't know. But I liked it. It was just bad enough to be somewhat amusing and was kind of like watching a wrestling match filmed outdoors. I give it a 3 on a scale of 10, and I'm feeling generous today.

Watch the MST3K version if you must watch it at all.