Seamless: Kidz Rule

"Kidz Rule," or "Seamless" as it was packaged at Video Hits Plus in Kalamazoo, is a horrible movie. The tragedy is that Shannon Elizabeth (of American Pie infamy) is the best actor in the cast. The protagonist, J.B. (Kentaro Seagal) reads lines like that kid behind you in High School who clearly hadn't made it past the 3rd grade reading level before Junior High. Not that he doesn't get everything one of those guys would have wanted in a throw-away love scene with Miss Elizabeth.

However, there is no nudity in this movie, and that really doesn't help the situation. With a movie like this, I'm surprised the director didn't ask for more skin when he realized what he was working with. There's plenty of sexuality without nudity, though - including one anxiety-ridden, stressed-out teenager who ends up trading sex for money.

One more thing I should mention is the character of Elmo, played by Broc Benedict. Truly heartbreaking in his over-acting, Broc is probably the most proficient actor after Shannon Elizabeth. If you think you've seen him before, you may have - he played the younger version of Eric Foreman in flashbacks on "That 70s Show."

I gave this a 2 out of 10. If you and your friends go to the video store and you see this on the shelf, you see Shannon Elizabeth staring at you with those "undress me" eyes, remember this review and put the movie back down. If you're that desperate for her, go watch American Pie again.

Sometimes, my brother and I get into little arguments. When he recommended a restaurant I thought sounded unappealing, I asked, "Why should we trust your judgment?" He countered by asking me for a specific instance in which his judgment was wholly at fault. I told him, "You rented the movie Seamless." Folks, this movie wins every time when the "What's the absolute worst movie you've seen?" question gets asked. My brother picked it because Shannon Elizabeth (who I don't even find very attractive) is centered on the cover. The fact is, Shannon Elizabeth can't act. A "good" Shannon Elizabeth role constitutes her getting naked. She doesn't even fulfill that requirement in Seamless.

What's the point? I win, brother.

There was absolutely no freakin plot to this movie! It kinda had to do with some chalkey who was a DJ at a rave I think... Any way, this movie sucks. I rented it from the video store because shannon elizabeth got naked in American Pie and Dish Dogs... so I assumed she would be getting naked in this. AND SHE DOESNT!!!!! For god sake, i had to watch half this crap on fast forward. And the people have the nerve to use Shannon Elizabeth lookin fine on the cover of the box to sell this crap, and she isnt even in it much! DO NOT SEE THIS MOVIE, IT IS CRAP. 1/10 only gets the one because shannon elizabeth is in it.

i also rented this cuz shannon elizabeth was on the cover, which was an impulse decision i made cuz the film looked stupid anyway. its worse than stupid though, it doesn't make sense, and i fell asleep through it. it says its about some kind of rave scene in LA, which its not. watch a movie like 'Go' or 'Groove' if thats what you're looking for. All the characters were stupid and the drug scene doesn't make sense. The film is really just a nightmare. I don't know who made this or how it got made, and why. What the hell was Shannon Elizabeth doing in this movie anyway? The same year, she made 'American Pie', which catapulted her to some Hollywood success. I'm sure that even Shannon is ashamed of this awful film. 'Seamless' is meaningless. Beware. 0/10

That was one of the most painful 90 minutes of my life! I would rather give blood than watch that movie again! There was absolutely no point! I feel violated! There was no plot. The entire movie was merely a series of quazi-related clips edited to convince Artista that the production was finished so they could finally stop shooting, ending everyone's misery. The directing, wardrobe and cinematography were almost cartoonish. I got the feeling throughout the movie that I was watching a Saturday morning kid show (and not a good one). The acting was horrific! The acting was on par with a 3rd grade play. I haven't heard that much monotone dialog since seeing a Steven Wright comedy show! The saddest thing is that Shannon Elizabeth is by far the best actor in the movie and she was about as good as you'd expect her to be.

After suffering through about 30 minutes of this epic, it was clear that the only thing that could give some dignity to this disaster would some gratuitous nudity as you'd expect from a Shannon Elizabeth movie. They didn't even come through on that.

Bad, bad, bad, bad movie. Rent American Pie instead.