Cybernator

I was surprised to see that six people actually voted this a 10 rating. Surprised because I didn't think there were six people on the entire crew.

This movie redefines the phrase "low tech." Set in a world where cyborgs move among us, the sets, costumes and props can best be described as "sixth grade drama club." There are some entertaining things about the movie, however. Most of the acting is hilarious, which would be great if it were a comedy.

The casting is sub-par, even for such a cheapo flick. You have to suspect that more than a few of the actors were also investors. If not, the casting director should be keelhauled under a moving Hummer. It's also likely that a substantial portion of the budget came from investors who paid extra to have their scenes cut after viewing the finished product.

Lonnie Schuyler as the lead male is deliciously bad. Cult bad. A fully accredited graduate of the raise-your-eyebrow-and-snarl school of acting. I'm happy to see that he has had a long career (no doubt due to this masterpiece) starring in such classics as Legend of Skull Canyon and Hell's Paradox. Hopefully some day there'll be a Lonnie Schuyler Festival.

To say he stands out in a cast loaded with bad actors is no empty claim. This flick packs wall-to-wall ham. There are, to be fair, two good actors in the movie. Two chicks sitting in the strip club audience, on screen for all of ten seconds, while a hard-bodied lovely flails like a crippled baboon in front of the cheesiest backdrop ever featured in a film (or a strip club).

There is one performance which is not to be missed. Approximately sixty two minutes into this epic, the director serves up a three hundred pound belly dancer, shaking her blubber in a skid row alley. This scene alone will qualify Cybernator as sure fire party viewing for 10 year old boys.

I am making it my life's quest to hunt down all of director Robert Rundle's other films. He is the new Ed Wood.

I have over 100 movies in my "too be watched" pile. I know there are some good ones in there but for some reason I am drawn to the crap. If you can believe it, CYBERNATOR is worse than the crap. You've heard of bottom of the barrel? Well, if you pick up that barrel and dig about 10 feet into the ground – that is where you will find CYBERNATOR.

The future is now and, oddly enough, it looks a lot like the late 80s. Director Robert Rundle definitely shot CYBERNATOR on the fast and cheap. He uses rote camera setups and has a stiff directorial style that would make Amir (SAMURAI COP) Shervan jealous. Sets are re-dressed over and over to appear as different rooms (the tops of the flats can even be seen sometimes). However, shoddiness can be forgiven if a clever script is used. Keep dreaming. The script, by Rundle and producer/co-star Ed Sanchez, features amazingly cliché and laughable dialogue exchanges. My favorite:

Snitching lab assistant: "Meet me at the alley way at Hollywood and Vine."

All knowing cop: "Yeah, we know the place."

Lead Lonnie Schuyler is hands down the worst actor I have ever seen. Seriously, my dog conveys emotions better. Looking like a cross between Corey Feldman and John Stamos (and sporting some big 80s hair to boot), Schuyler delivers some of the funniest facial expression while trying to act dramatic. You would think he is acting in a spoof the way he acts. Schuyler is complemented in the horrific acting department by female lead Christina Peralta as love interest/lounge singer Blue. Her swaying during a lip synched musical number is a sight to behold. Also, watch for the scene where they surreptitiously break into a building at nighttime and she is wearing a black turtle neck and short jean shorts. The only saving grace is the reliable William Smith as evil Colonel Peck. While his screen time ads up to just under 10 minutes, Smith's gruff voice is a welcome reprieve from the amateur hour on display. I hope he was paid and paid well.

Amazingly, director Robert Russell failed upwards and went on to make more films. Also noteworthy in his cinematic canon is the trash classic THE DIVINE ENFORCER (1992) starring Erik Estrada, Jim Brown, Robert Z'Dar, Don Stroud and a very drunk Jan Michael Vincent (whose lines you can actually see taped to the inside of a newspaper!). Thankfully, he keeps Schuyler out of the picture.

Low-budget Sci-Fi/Action-Trash, Troma does it again!

C-Y-B-E-R-N-A-T-O-R is that a cringey enough title for you LOL! Yep, the very title of this movie just reeks of low-budget cyborg versus cyborg action and, not surprisingly, that's exactly what we get. And guess what? It's bad, but good for laughs though.

Starting with James Cameron's classic genre-defining film: The Terminator (released to great acclaim in October of 1984) there was an explosion of "cyborg" themed action films (most of which suck, including the last several Terminator films) in the later half of the 80's and well into the 90's. These movies are typically low-budget and were indifferently churned out in great numbers by mostly B-List talent (cast and crew alike) who were, shall we say, not burdened by fame (or even marginal recognition) and expectations. Fortunately the bulk of these movies were direct-to-video, so they never soiled the big screen to any great extent. Anyways back to Cybernator, sad to say this stodgy amateurish effort represents the genre to a T and is a profoundly underwhelming movie by all measures; starting with it's lame opening credits sequence and ending with a VERY VERY lackluster finale, this movie offers it's viewers little in the way of entertainment. On the plus-side, I did thoroughly enjoy the high-energy scene with the sleazy adulterous couple in the beginning, they're over-the-top acting is a real hoot and it's easily the movies most energetic scene.

As for an overview of CYBERNATOR (again, that title LOL!!!) the cast is bad - as is their acting, the script is often questionable (but hey, who wouldn't want to be a "Blackhawk 2000" cyborg, right?) the sets are very cheap, the location photography is boring and mundane, the movie is often poorly paced and it's action scenes are less than stellar - to downright unconvincing (Having just taken multiple rounds in the gut! Just lay down and play dead, very convincing). This film would have been better had they cast David Carradine in the lead, he was made for low-budget action-trash like this and his filmography is proof of that. You will be amusingly underwhelmed at how lame most of the cyborgs look, due to their terrible looking make-up and prosthetics and how about the "dumpy cyborg" about 70 minutes in. ROFL! With all joking aside there's not one single impressive action sequence or even any good stunts to be seen anywhere and with that being said one can easily -and quite logically- conclude that Cybernator is, by all possible metrics, a total failure of an action film. Terminator 2 this is not. Hell, this well below Cyborg Cop 2 for that matter OR EVEN Robo Vampire.....

Closing Note: "Cybernator" is simply as amateurish as they come and you can safely skip it and not miss out on anything - at all. However, if you have a fetish for terrible movies, like I do, then by all means watch Cybernator TODAY! But please don't spend and therefore waste any money on it, because it's not worth a dime or a damn.

To anyone: In the scene with the 350 pound belly-dancer (I know - WTF?), is that James Cameron in a cameo or do my senses betray me? It looks like him. It sounds like him. Hmmmm.....

"Cybernator" is great fun, if you don't take this all to earnest. It's a trashy movie with cheap special effects but it is a must for fans of William Smith. He has just three appearances als Colonel Peck but they are really worth to watch.

Right from the opening credits, one knows that CYBERNATOR simply must be seen!

Once again, those dastardly cyborgs are up to no good. Picture a bald guy with aquarium airline tubing coming out of his head! Genius! Or, low-rent Borg mixed with pitifully-realized HELLRAISER demons! Astonishing! These synthetic humanoids kill a politician and laugh robotically.

Next, we're off to a night spot / strip club, where we're introduced to LA police officer, Brent McCord (Lonnie Schuyler), who's in love with a stripper named Blue (Christina Peralta).

Oh no!

Eeevil cyborgs have arrived! Either that, or Mr. And Mrs. Terminator are in town. This occurs just as McCord proves his love for Blue by giving her a dollar bill with his teeth! Blue's working her way through school, don'tcha know. Poorly choreographed mayhem erupts, and another politician bites the dust. The dullness of the ensuing shootout is difficult to describe. Of course, this all has to do with a vast, government conspiracy, which is also dull.

Everything blunders along. Alleged "actors" move around and spout "dialogue" that makes us wonder if they're all artificial lifeforms! With no real rhyme or reason to any of it, this movie only exists to cause great pain.

EXTRA POINTS FOR: #1- The botched, horribly shot, eternal love scene that will cause you to laugh until your guts burn! #2- The "big twist" that actually makes things less suspenseful! #3- The belly dancer scene! Oh! Those finger cymbals! #4- The hysterically tedious, karate-filled non-finale that will put you straight into REM sleep!...