- Uncle Martin: You Earthlings don't know how lucky you are. The only water we get on Mars has to be squeezed from rocks.
- Uncle Martin: It's Lizzie. What's a Lizzie?
- Zoot, Martin's Talking Space Suit: I'd say a Model T Ford, but this one's got better tires.
- Uncle Martin: Wake up, Tim. There's a big day ahead of us.
- Tim O'Hara: It's still night time. You've been asleep for 30 seconds.
- Uncle Martin: 30 seconds? I *was* tired!
- Uncle Martin: Stop being such a wet blanket.
- Zoot, Martin's Talking Space Suit: Hey, leave my mother out of this.
- Mrs. Brown: Tim, what are you doing?
- Tim O'Hara: [standing on a ladder with a video camera] Uncle Martin is in the hot tub and I'm... watching.
- Mrs. Brown: Oh...
- [walking off, in sotto voice]
- Mrs. Brown: Weird family.
- Uncle Martin: I'm beginning to see a glim of potential among you Earthlings. One word of advice: You'll never completely advance as a culture until you take care of your oceans. And do away with daytime talk-shows.
- Tim O'Hara: O'Hara here, leave a message, keep it short.
- Mr. Channing: Channing here, you're fired. Short enough for you?
- Uncle Martin: Martians use 100% of their brain while humans only use 10%.
- Tim O'Hara: No, we're smarter than that.
- Uncle Martin: Your astronauts pee in their spacesuits. Case closed.
- Tim O'Hara: We use more than 10% of our brains.
- Uncle Martin: Your astronauts pee in their spacesuits. Case closed.
- Zoot, Martin's Talking Space Suit: [Over a pink dress] If love is a crime, lock me up. I'm guilty. Look at her, a perfect size six and never been worn.
- Zoot, Martin's Talking Space Suit: [to a guard about to attack him] Say, aren't you one of the Spice Girls?
- Zoot, Martin's Talking Space Suit: [after successfully taking out a security guard] Beavis down, Butt-Head to go!