Return to Savage Beach

okay, forget that the entire cast makes Shatner look like Orson Welles, this flick rocks! I love it! One of my faves. The horrible acting actually makes it more fun IMHO. The awful acting of the 2 male leads is laughable and totally funny. And then there's the girls: seeing Julie K. Smith and Shae Marks in those white tops toward the end are amazing. Also Shae in that white 'business outfit earlier in the film at their HQ is not to be missed! What I love about Sidaris films is that they're fun. If they didn't have the giant silicone breasts, they would not be. All hail Andy Sidaris! Nice to see Kevin Eastman, the guy from Heavy Metal magazine making a cameo. The only other Sidaris film that possibly beats this one as far as breast-size is Do Or Die.

I hadn't seen an Andy Sidaris film in years (not with the sound turned up, anyway) and I had no reason to believe this one would be any different from his others. Those always had the same elements. First it would have a totally uninvolving action story full of explosions and martial arts. Second, it would have a script that was stilted and pedestrian. Third, it would feature almost uniformly wooden acting. I'm talkin' sequoia here. Last, it would be full of bodacious babes who were always clad in one of two ways: scantily or un-. Only one of these elements interested me (take a guess) and the others made his movies all but unwatchable.

Well maybe I'm getting mellow in my old age or possibly Sidaris learned something from his other films because I could actually enjoy this one as simple dumb fun. The main factor here is a switch in emphasis to flesh over fireworks and fighting. The story is still the same non-entity, the acting is as bad as ever (does Sidaris want it that way?) but the women are a softcore voyeur's delight, though if you prefer nature's bounty over the wonders of cosmetic surgery, you may not appreciate them. The way is led in this film by the udderly amazing duo of Julie K. Smith and Shae Marks, with Julie Strain also on hand and Playboy alumnus Carrie Wescott as the nominal villainess. Marks was also a Playboy centerfold model and one would have thought she wouldn't have needed to augment her considerable natural charms, but I guess that was a career decision.

This movie is not headed for the National Film Registry but I was able to enjoy it on some level and considering Sidaris' previous output, that surprised me.

And I do believe that this 1998 movie "Return to Savage Beach" (aka "L. E. T. H. A. L. Ladies: Return to Savage Beach") do round up my venture into the Sidaris movies. Most of which movies I have only seen for the first time here in 2022, believe it or not.

The 1998 action movie "Return to Savage Beach" has writer and director Andy Sidaris at the wheel, which is fortunate for the movie and the franchise at large, since his son Christian Drew Sidaris just didn't have the required skills to make movies worthy of his father's legacy. Sure, a movie like "Return to Savage Beach" is hardly a cinematic gem, but it does make for some cheesy watchable action.

If you have seen any of the numerous L. E. T. H. A. L. movies, then you know what you are in for with the 1998 movie "Return to Savage Beach" as well. Yeah, why fix or tinker with a formula that apparently worked out well enough? For better or worse, then "Return to Savage Beach" delivers what you would expect.

Sure, it is nice to see returning cast members such as Julie Strain, Rodrigo Obregó and Gerald Okamura.

Watchable for what it is, "Return to Savage Beach" is sure to please fans of the L. E. T. H. A. L. franchise.

My rating of "Return to Savage Beach" lands on a five out of ten stars.

Similar to Acalpuco HEAT, the syndicated TV show, this is a secret service agency that fights terrorists. The notable exception of this movie is that every female character has enormous boobs. Most of the women easily surpass Double D cup sizes. Every female character is matched with a studly male coagent who has to have sex with their respective costar during the movie at least once. This doesn't leave much time for a realistic plot scene, but hey, if you are watching this, you weren't really expecting much but Tits and Ass were you? Of note, this is when Shae Marks breasts were at her biggest before she had some of the silicone taken out. They are impressive to say the least

This has everything you could ever want in a horrible movie: awful dialogue, atrotious acting, zero story, gigantic breasts, explosions, a villian in a Phantom of the Opera mask, and Buff Bagwell! Great to watch with a group of people with a sense of humor.