Neon Maniacs

after months of trying,i finally got me a copy of the hard to find horror movie"Neon Maniacs"the movie is really cool and it shows.the special effects are also a treat.i like how the maniacs had different weapons and looked different.except for"the thing"i hated that neon maniac.archer(has a crossbow) was one of my favorite.there was some gore mostly graphic violence(heads are sliced off,arms are sliced,arrows in backs etc.)enjoy if you like monsters with different weapons.

In San Francisco, Natalie is celebrating her birthday one night in the park with a couple of friends, when suddenly a large group of nasty looking monsters gatecrash it. She's the only survivor, and the police don't buy her story, because of what she supposedly saw and her friend's bodies have vanished. These mutants only come out at night, from their home under the Golden Gate Bridge and seek possible victims to take back with them. Now their eyes are set on Natalie, and with the help of her lovelorn friend Steven and a plucky, horror enthusiast Paula. They set out to stop these monstrous mutants.

It doesn't get anymore ultra-bizarre, gloriously tacky and super-dumb, than the film known as "Neon Maniacs". Actually what mindlessly juicy fun, even though you'll be at a lost! Yep, it's one of those deliciously sweet and trashy horror oddities that only the 80's horror scene could possibly dream up! This low-budget item doesn't want to go into any sort of reasoning, or development to what's actually happening, so you just have to go with the flow and cop the threadbare screenplay for what it is. There's some imagination behind all of this kitsch, and what they mustered up with the wicked make-up effects for these cheesy looking nocturnal mutants are vividly creative with a whole variety to look at. Hey they even got their own collectible cards (don't ask me why), which we see at the beginning. The thing is they could've done far more with the unusual idea than what we got in the end. It was quickly thought-up and easily penned by Mark Patrick Carducci, and the results end up showing the shambles. Too many plot holes to poke a stick at and it might slow up in the latter half, but the cartoonish nature brings some nicely chiselled humorous touches and wacky situations of junky entertainment. It does have that childish feel to it, but the nasty side and gruesome effects make sure that it stays far from that crowd. The handling of it on the other hand came off looking more competent than you'll expect, but director Joseph Mangine (who's more often behind the lens), execution feels cramped and overwhelmed by the simple novelty. It's sloppy, but he keeps a steady momentum and spins out some atmospheric highlights (like a dream sequence). Shadowy camera-work is reasonably positioned, with moody lighting and there's a chewy bubblegum soundtrack with the familiar eerie electronic score finding its way in. The sound performances are pretty basic, but Leilani Sarelle, Allan Hayes and an animated Donna Locke are acceptable. Also popping up as one of the ghouls is Andrew Divoff, which was his first film appearance.

This preposterous clunker is pretty much a low-end horror delight that lazily amuses. Remember logic has no say here, but goofiness and unpleasantness does.

As bad films go, this one's pretty enjoyable.

Anchor Bay, not long ago, released a wonderful widescreen DVD of NEON MANIACS. But you can also enjoy this on tape, because VHS copies are still floating around at used video stores. And perhaps an old VHS tape might be better for generating that 80's feeling...

This is the infamous low-budget horror flick from 1985 that boasts a gaggle of weird, oozing monsters--each with a different look and method of killing--who come out at night, ready for action. The movie takes place in San Francisco--and the monsters actually make their home under the Golden Gate Bridge (!). Sure, why not? It could happen.

The title monsters are NEVER referred to as "Neon Maniacs" by any of the characters. A narrator has a brief speech early on in the film and says something like "The children's path shall be darkened...by the SHADOWS of the...NEON MANIACS." (Yeah. Whatever.) But that's the only time you hear the term, and as a justification for the title, it's flimsy at best. AND, as noted by many, the monsters are NEVER explained in any way. At all!

Near the end of the film there is a climactic scene at a high school costume dance featuring an astounding "Battle of the 80's Bands" (one a Rick Springfield knockoff, the other a lame heavy metal group) that will have you squirming and your face contorting into various peculiar grimaces and scowls. Yow!

This is a time capsule film. You watch it to see what things looked like, what was going on twenty-odd (very odd) years ago. But please take care: What you see, you may find upsetting.

80's horror had its own very unique and pointless stamp, and this is one of the best examples of an endearingly BAD 80's horror film--just as THE BREAKFAST CLUB is one of the best examples of an endearingly good 80's teen film. That is to say, NEON MANIACS, despite how awful it is, is memorable. It gives you a strange warm happy feeling inside when you watch it. And when it's over, you think about it--chortle to yourself over it. You might even recommend it to your friends. And you know perfectly well that it's not a good movie at all! That it's one of the worst movies you've ever seen!! See it tonight! Yes, it's crap. Yes, it's fun.

Beware! The gates of Heck have been thrown open, unleashing the NEON MANIACS!

Virtually immortal and unstoppable, these freakish creatures are immune to anything that might be used against them. Except for one rare and mysterious chemical known as...

H-2-O!

If only there was some of this stuff around they could be thwarted, but nay! If only someone had a squirt gun, or a bucket, or a damp sponge!

Instead, these maniacs shall conquer the globe!

Thankfully, three teens are on the case, including a horror-obsessed girl who tracks the monsters to their lair. Under a bridge. Feet away from a bay. Full of H-2-O!

If you've been pining away for the 1980's, here they are in all their glory! The clothes! The hair! The overly-sterile production values! All here!

WARNING: Nothing can possibly prepare you for the brain-evaporating "Battle of the Bands" sequence! Nothing! It's so wretchedly inept as to cause boils and cranial bruising in the viewer!

On a positive note, the maniac masks are pretty cool. If only this movie had given them a good reason to wear them...

The friends of a high school girl (Leilani Sarelle) are ruthlessly slain by monstrous freaks living under the Golden Gate Bridge, but the police don't believe her outlandish story. Thankfully, her potential beau believes her (Clyde Hayes), as does an adolescent girl (Donna Locke), and they team-up to find the truth.

"Neon Maniacs" (1986), aka "Evil Dead Warriors," is similar to the contemporaneous "Trick or Treat" except that, unlike Sammi Curr in that movie, the titular antagonists are too cartoonish to be scary in any way, despite their gory slayings. The tone mixes brutal killings with a fun 'kid flick' spirit and it's bewildering.

The monsters curiously consist of a samurai, a caveman, a doctor, an Indian, a straight-jacket lunatic and so forth, but what they really are, their motivations and where they originated is never explained. While not noted in the movie, they're rumored to be from another dimension, "the worst killers from across time" mumbo jumbo.

Production and budget problems caused expository scenes to either be cut or never shot. Another casualty was the intended final battle between the protagonists and the maniacs, which explains the puzzling abrupt and inconclusive ending. As such, this is basically an unfinished film, but you won't really realize it until the last act.

Still, there's plenty to appreciate for people interested in 80's oddities: The likable protagonists have chemistry, Leilani Sarelle is winsome, and the "Battle of the 80's Bands" is cheesy fun (one a lame Rick Springfield knockoff and the other a kick-axx hair metal group).

The film runs 1 hour, 31 minutes, and was shot in San Francisco, Los Angeles and Glendale, California.

GRADE: C.