Hourglass

C Thomas "Ponyboy" Howell starred in this, wrote it, directed it, and who knows what else. The question is why?

Although the movie is not that long (thankfully), it manages to eat up several unprecious minutes on a racquetball game, the outcome of which has no bearing on the plot or character development. (Just as well, because we can't really see how they're doing). Killed a few more minutes watching all four drives on a golf hole. Killed a few more with some psycho martial-arts lesbians beating up Ponyboy.

Plot? You bet. Let's see, kickboxing lesbians plot to take over fashion company and have sex on top of people on life support. Or something like that. Suffice it to say it won't be confused with "The Magnificent Ambersons" any time soon.

In addition to the other obvious problems, the movie also features cameos by "Carrot Top" and Donny Most. Mercifully, Potsie and Danny Bonaduce did not appear, but may be lined up for the sequel. (The movie ends with the promise of further adventures ......... I'm on pins and needles.)

Fashion magnate Michael Jardine (C. Thomas Howell) discovers his wife's dead body. Thus, begins Michael's journey into a nightmare world of darkness and death.

Or, something like that.

We're also shown a nightmare world of the fashions, exercise crazes, and music of the 1990's! A world where a beautiful woman (Sofia Shinas) simply appears in Michael's life, and Ed Begley Jr. Plays a cop.

HOURGLASS is what could be called an erratic erotic thriller. Howell and Shinas do have a certain chemistry, in the same way that jumbo burritos and beer generate a certain chemistry when voraciously indulged in.

The story is disjointed and absurd. It could / should have been a schlock classic like TROLL 2, but its boredom factor is far too high, relegating it to the toilet-raft section. This is very sad. After all, how many movies feature cameos by both Carrot Top AND Don(ny) "Ralph Malph" Most?!

I rest my case...

When you think of vanity projects you probably think of the more high profile failings of Warren Beatty and other big stars who had that project stashed away for when they had more power. You probably wouldn't think of some 1980's brat-packer's movie that he made with some friends. But that's what hourglass is - a terrible vanity project that you watch and wonder how it got made. C Thomas Howell writes, stars and directs in a story of a fashion magnate who finds himself seduced and intrigued by a mysterious woman (a cute Sofia Shinas) while his business stutters and his friends and colleagues are murdered. This is meant to be some sort of follow-up to the Hitcher - I don't really see how, and it isn't anywhere near the quality of that movie.

The blame for this mess must rest with Howell himself. First his acting is terrible and his character is one dimensional and unpleasant - are we meant to feel anything for this guy? I felt that whatever happened to him couldn't be more than he deserved!

Secondly; he wrote the story. A plot that is so weak that the film is padded out with scenes that have no meaning or place - a squash game, meetings, a drive in the country, buying condoms! Even scenes that do fit in with the story are often stretched out to fill time or include some of his mates (Carrot Top, Kiefer Sutherland, Lou Diamond Phillips).

Finally he directed it. Ever made a home movie with a cheap video camera? Then you are probably as good a director as Howell. The camera jogs around in a grainy fashion, or a POV setting or a realistic follow the action setting...and they're all badly done. The end result looks like a mix between a student film, a 1970's drug movie and a soft core porn movie.

The film has no action, no point, no surprises, nobody to like and nothing to care about. This sort of stuff should not be allowed to exist. The most terrifying thing about this "thriller" is the fact that the end is left open for a sequel - did Howell write this thinking that anyone would care enough about this stuff to watch another movie!?

Please avoid this garbage like it had big teeth.

Hey, its a B movie that is reasonably entertaining. Its not going to be nominated for a academy award, but thats not why you watch B movies. The plot moves and is coherent which is bettor than a lot of B movies. Sofia Shinas is absolutely gorgeous and bares her soul in the flick which is worth the $2.00 rental fee. My suggestion is to have one of your favorite adult beverages prior to viewing and a second during it will put you in the proper frame of mind for this flick. This is simply a beach novel on film that doesn't require any thought, after a hard day at the office easy to unwind to. So if your looking for mindless entertainment with some beautiful women in it this might be up your ally.

I can't even begin to express my fury and rage at C Thomas Howell. Why did you make this film? what purpose does it serve? How do you still get work? I only bought this for the Kiefer Sutherland cameo. It really wasn't worth the 99p i paid on ebay for it. Me and my wife managed about ten minutes before she demanded i watch it in my own time. The next day i finished watching it while trying to busy myself with house work so the day didn't feel completely wasted. Badly acted, badly shot, It may just have been my copy but the sound and picture quality was dreadful. How C Thomas Howell went from doing great films like 'the outsiders' to making straight to video self indulgent c**p like this is a mystery to me. Enjoy!