- Jordan White: "I love you" can mean a lot of things... like "you'll do 'till someone better comes along," or "I can't describe how I really feel but I know that I'm supposed to say this," or "Shut up, I'm watching TV."
- Amy: If bullshit were music, you'd be a big brass band.
- Jordan: Ever feel like reality is more twisted than dreams?
- Amy: Sometimes I feel like the city is sucking away at my soul.
- Amy Blue: You're like a life support system for a cock!
- [Jordan is hesitant to have sex with Amy]
- Jordan White: I'm worried about catching AIDS.
- Amy Blue: But we're both virgins!
- TV Anchorwoman: Commonly worn by satanists, homosexuals, and other dangerous cults.
- Amy: There's just no place for us in this world.
- Amy Blue: Why don't you go PASSIONATELY fuck yourself?
- Amy: Look, you fucking chunky pumpkinhead! I don't know what the fuck you're talking about!
- Cashier: You told me you loved me... You told me you'd never leave me...
- Amy: What is this, Night of the Living Brain-dead? Wake up and smell the cappucino, geek. I don't know you, I've never fucking seen you before, I don't know who the fuck this 'Sunshine' is!
- Amy: Life is lonely, boring and dumb.
- Amy: What is this, night of the living BRAIN-dead?
- Amy Blue: Oh my God. If i don't find my skull lighter, I'll, like, slit my wrists.
- Xavier: What, mommy and daddy won't be all worried about their baby girl?
- Amy: My mom used to be a heroin addict, and now she's a Scientologist.
- Jordan: I feel like a gerbil smothering in Richard Gere's butthole.
- Amy Blue: When nature calls, it fucking hollers!
- Amy: I love you, fucker.
- Jordan: Me too, fucker.
- Amy: You're the bright red cherry on top of my sunday.
- Peanut: Who pissed in your Froot Loops?
- Xavier Red: Sniff my finger. Come on, sniff my finger and tell me it doesn't smell like your girlfriend's sweet, juicy snatch.
- Brandi: (draws a sword) I am gonna lop his... dick off... like a chicken head.
- Amy: I'm so mad at you, I could rip your testicles off and staple them to your ankles. What the fuck did you have to go and tell Jordan for?
- Xavier: Tell him what?
- Amy: What do you think, doorknob? That we got together!
- Xavier: Well, didn't you utterly dig it?
- Amy: That is not the point!
- Xavier: Well, what is the point then, get it? Guilt is for married, old people!
- Amy: You're incredible. You're not even human, are you? You're like a life-support system for a cock!
- Amy: [Amy and Jordan are making out in a car] Just... ugh... put your dick in me!
- Jordan: I'm... I'm trying!
- Jordan: I don't ever want to have to miss you.
- Amy: Ditto.
- Xavier: You always have to be a pessimist, don't you? Little Miss Doom and Gloom. Well fuck you.
- Xavier: Girls have no sense of adventure.
- Brandi: But it was her! It was Kitten! That bitch... I'm gonna find her. And I'm gonna kill her.
- Jordan: Do you love me, babe?
- Amy: Sure! I totally do, babe.
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