- Vincenzo Fortelli: I'll give you a choice. You can walk outta here and never come back, keep your mouth shut; the other choice, I don't think I have to go into a bunch of detail about.
- Lieutenant Columbo: You're not gonna kill a police officer?
- Vincenzo Fortelli: Wouldn't be the first time.
- Graham McVeigh: [after long, pensive stares at McVeigh and Fortelli, Columbo turns and heads out] For God's sake!
- Lieutenant Columbo: [Stopping and turning around] I'm sorry sir. They don't pay me enough for this kind of stuff.
- Lieutenant Columbo: Oh, sir, just one more thing.
- Graham McVeigh: No, Lieutenant, there is no "just one more thing." Goodbye!
- Vincenzo Fortelli: Will you stop playin' dumb? I can't stand it when cops play dumb. They think it's smart. It's not. It's stupid.
- Lieutenant Columbo: If we hadn't pulled that off in there, would you have killed McVeigh?
- Vincenzo Fortelli: Why do you ask me such a dumb question for? We did pull it off. All right? Come on, I'll buy you a drink.
- Lieutenant Columbo: No thanks.
- Vincenzo Fortelli: Why not? You're not on duty?
- Lieutenant Columbo: No, sir, I'm not. It's just that I'm a cream soda type of guy ... and you're not.
- Vincenzo Fortelli: Okay. Ciao.
- Lieutenant Columbo: That's Italian for goodbye.
- Vincenzo Fortelli: Get outta here.
- Vincenzo Fortelli: Now this is the bottom line. Either you get him, or I get him. All right? I'll let you go first. I'll give you time. I won't give you too much time. But then if you don't get him, I'm going to have to do it my way.
- Lieutenant Columbo: [Fortelli greets Columbo in Italian] Excuse me?
- Vincenzo Fortelli: What do you mean, "Excuse me?" Your last name's Columbo. Don't you speak Italian?
- Lieutenant Columbo: Well, I never got the hang of it.
- Lieutenant Columbo: What did you do to this chili?
- Barney: What do you mean "what did I do?" I didn't do nothin'. It's the same chili you've been eating here for the past nine years.
- Lieutenant Columbo: Well, that's what it tastes like, 9-year-old chili.
- Lieutenant Columbo: Now, Mr. Fortelli, you want justice. And I'm going to give it to you. Is that okay? Is that enough?
- Vincenzo Fortelli: Well, if your system prevails, fine. If not, we'll do it my way.
- Lieutenant Columbo: I think what he's saying, Mr. McVeigh, if you get some fancy lawyer to save you on a technicality, he won't be saving you.