3 Ninjas: Knuckle Up

Brothers Rocky, Colt and Tum Tum are travelling with their grandfather during summer holidays when they come across some sort of protest happening with Native Americans. They are protesting against a local businessman dumping toxic waste on their land but, with the protest being violently dispersed by police and thugs, the boys head into town to get pizza. However when those same thugs start picking on people in the local pizzeria, the boys fight back and with new friend (and cutie) Jo, get drawn into the fight against the battle for right.

Despite the fact that I had watched the p1ss-poor final film in the 3 Ninjas film series I found myself watching this one to see if there had ever been any merit in the series. Plus, to be honest, I did have a bit of a childish laugh about the fact that the title seemed to be suggesting that the boys would be entering puberty and perhaps be discovering the weird sensation of "self-love" for the first time (well, what else does the verb "to knuckle up" mean to you?). Anyway this comedy aside, there is not a great deal of value within the film other than that which comes unintentionally. The plot is obvious of course but the delivery tries to be in the style of a live action cartoon. This approach at times makes for some amusing moments but mostly it falls flat because the material is not that good and the comedy is obvious and rather lacking invention or wit.

One can imagine it working for young children but, speaking as someone who used to run a Sunday school class for 3-4 year olds, I have to ask whether or not I would want my kids watching this sort of material; the answer is probably "no". The action is silly and mostly fits in with the very obvious pratfalls that one would find in very basic silent comedy or children's television. I didn't find it exciting or funny and you can just feel the lack of heart or caring in the delivery. Indeed this is all through the film as it looks very cheap and is delivered with the minimum of effort. The direction is obvious and we get lots of "comedy" sound effects throughout as if to tell us to laugh.

The cast is different from the film I say but they are no better. They can move and there is no doubt that they are agile but that is very different from being able to act, which they can't. Treanor, Slade and Power cannot deliver a line for toffee and even during the action I found their constant "hi-yah's" to be endlessly annoying. Looking at them on IMDb I note with no surprise that few have viable careers now. Lightening plays the love interest and is no better than them – and IMDb puts a recent credit in her career as "Scantily Clad Girl #2" which perhaps suggests that she has gotten no better with time. Napier hams it up but looks like Olivier when compared to the lacklustre Kilpatrick. Wong is badly served and not helped by the most obvious use of a stunt body I've seen since the Family Guy movie spoofed Stewie jumping through a window.

Overall then, those looking for entertainment will do best to chuckle about the suggested meaning in the rubbish title but not bother to check the movie out itself. The acting, direction, action and overall delivery is roundly poor and, although the odd bit here and there is amusing, there is little here that I would want my children to take as their entertainment.

I'm a big fan of the 3 Ninjas series, the first one being my favorite. Knuckle Up is definitely the most action packed, the focus hardly on the story and more on flashy, Jackie Chan-like fight scenes. It's pretty unbelievable, how these pre-teen kids beat the snot out of full-grown armed men. In one scene, the bad guys have shotguns and they really hate those kids, but instead of shooting them, they prefer using the guns as clubs and try to whack them, but of course their plan fails.

The ninjas execute a number of impressive martial arts moves on their hapless foes, and even some unnecessary fake-outs just for show. This movie is good for a laugh, watch it if you like slap-stick humor and kids beating up wave after wave of foolish henchmen.

Atrocious second (but not last!) "3 Ninjas" sequel sees the infamous trio trying to save their friend Joe from a toxic waste company. Good LORD this stuff is awful! They made the apparently final film in 1998 with Hulk Hogan. Please let it be the last!

It's not supposed to be anything top of the line. And compared to "High Noon at Mega Mountain", this one deserves an Oscar. It's my most favorite out of the whole franchise, and it's the one that I've seen most. I think it's more-or-less because of the environmental aspect of it. It kind of has a message, yet it falls irritatingly short, and comes second to the fighting. It tries a little too hard to be more edgy, and in the end, looks more cheesy than anything. The fight scenes are......err......there. They're one part convincing, and one part cringe. You gotta think that, A. either these adults are severely dimwitted, B. have never fought in their entire lives, or C. they deliberately hold back because these are just kids. I can't decide whether the Native Americans portrayed were played for laughs, or if they were trying to evoke sympathy. But like I said before, this movie isn't meant to be top of the line. It's purely nostalgia, and if you enjoyed this movie when you were younger, chances are, you look back on it fondly. I know that I do, and I was ecstatic when I found it online, and ordered it. If you look at this movie expecting anything more than a children's (and I use that term loosely) movie, then you're going to be sorely disappointed. If you throw all your expectations out of the window, you're in for a joyfully silly, cringey, nostalgia ride.

I knew this was going to be bad. I didn't know how bad. It's probably the worst of the THREE NINJAS series (or, as it's spelled to market towards the under-age demographic, 3 NINJAS!), and that's not an easy feat. It starts poorly, and it just goes downhill. Every fight scene is so bad, it's not even explainable. (Is that a word?)

I've seen some bad films in my day but this is one of the worst, ever. I'm not exaggerating. In one fight scene, a kid actor -- who, coincidentally, can't act -- kicks a guy. He bends over with a comical look on his face, as if he's saying "Ouch! That hurt! I wonder why! I better think about it and give this kid the opportunity to do it again in the meantime!", and then the kid hands him a pizza tray (don't ask), punches him again, then kicks him. The guy pushes himself backwards and does a double flip (poor stuntmen -- it's obvious they're using their own force to accomplish the task), then lands on a table.

It's like POWER RANGERS, only performed by kids. In very dangerous situations, mind you. E.g. at the end a bunch of ruthless crooks with guns are chasing the kids and they keep outrunning and punching them.

This is a bad idea to put in kids' minds. "You can beat up grownups with guns -- just throw a few punches!"

Let me tell you what really would have happened.

Crook No. 1 would have whipped out his Uzi and taken down all three kids as they were running down the street like hyperactive morons.

I can't even DESCRIBE the awfulness of this movie. You honestly have to see it for yourself. It's that bad.

It's almost as bad as POD PEOPLE.

And get this: "Rated PG-13 for non-stop ninja action."

Non-stop ninja action. Wow. I guess this movie IS responsible for one thing -- proving that the MPAA can even manage to poke fun at movies. "For non-stop ninja action." I'm still laughing over that one.

-1/5