- Bones: [Jack and Bones are selling things for a camel. Bones takes Jacks watch] How about this watch?
- Jack: No, not the watch. It has a compass.
- Bones: ...it has a compass? You mean to tell me that we have been out in this desert for three days and you had a compass the entire time? Ooooh, Jack. You're going to get a lot of noogies for this.
- Jack: I forgot.
- Bones: Yeah? Well now you're going to forget about this watch cause it's gone now!
- Sgt. Ladd: This is exactly like practice, except this is a real live grenade. You will do exactly as you have been trained.
- Bones: Yes, Drill Seargent!
- Sgt. Ladd: When I give the command to execute, you will drop the pin and throw the grenade.
- Bones: Yes, Drill Seargent!
- Sgt. Ladd: Drop the pin, throw the grenade!
- Bones: Yes, Drill Seargent!
- Sgt. Ladd: Execute.
- Bones: [Drops grenade and throws pin]
- Sgt. Ladd: Move it!
- Bones: Thank you, Drill Seargent, you saved my life. I owe you one.
- Sgt. Ladd: No, you owe me fifty!
- Bones: Oh yeah, "Its not a job, it's an adventure."
- Richard Day, Recruiting Sergeant: No, that's the Navy.
- Bones: "The few and the proud?"
- Richard Day, Recruiting Sergeant: No, that's the Marines.
- Bones: "Keep going, going and gone?"
- Jack: No, that's the Energizer Bunny.
- Richard Day, Recruiting Sergeant: Gentlemen, we're "Be all you can be"
- Bones: In the Arrrmy!
- Bones: Thank you, sir. But I could not have done it without the help and inspiration of my brother, the poolman.
- [Bones is mishandling a bazooka]
- Sgt. Ladd: See the picture on the front of this weapon? It's put there for privates like you... It's idiot-proof.
- 1st Sgt. Brandon T. Williams: I am First Sergeant Brandon T. Williams. It is my intention to run this company like a clock. If one gear slips in my clock, my clock'll tell the wrong time. If one spring is loose in my clock, my clock'll tell the wrong time. First Sergeant Williams likes his clock to tell the right time. Do you understand me?
- Other Troops: Yes, First Sergeant!
- Jack: What did he just say?
- Bones: I don't know, something about his clock being broken.
- 1st Sgt. Brandon T. Williams: Have my words fallen upon deaf ears?
- Bones: Yes, Sergeant! I mean No, Sergeant!
- 1st Sgt. Brandon T. Williams: Don't you know that I'm your First Seargent?
- Bones: I really wish you were my First Sergeant, but I already had a couple ones already.
- 1st Sgt. Brandon T. Williams: Drop and give me push ups! You will continue to give me push ups until you learn to address me as First Sergeant! Is that clear?
- Bones: Yes. First Sergeant!
- 1st Sgt. Brandon T. Williams: Go!
- Bones: One, First Sergeant, Two First Sergeant...
- [under the effects of morphine]
- Sgt. Stern: Dad, why can't I go to ballet class? Teacher said I'm a natural.
- [Bones and Jack see a Special Forces officer trying to assemble a gun very fast. Bones decides to take a flashlight and assemble it fast. The spring flies off and hits Sgt. Stern]
- Jack: Oh no... that's not good. That's noooot good. Uh-oh... he's coming over...
- [Bones, Fred, Christine, and Jack are in their tent at night]
- Bones: Hey this reminds me of camp... John Jacob Jingle Himenschmidt
- [Fred, Christine, Bones, and Jack sing the rest]
- Bones, Christine, Jack, and Fred: LA LA LA LA LA LA LA! John...
- Other Troops: SHUT UP!
- [silence]
- [Jack is trying to get the truck out of the sand and is having trouble]
- Bones: Your sucking too much sand in the air filter! I'M ORDERING YOU!
- Jack: Your ordering me?
- Bones: I'm first class...
- [laughs]
- Bones: now I'm ordering you!
- Jack: The only reason your first class is cause your brother is a poolman! (Truck makes a poping noise and
- [Jack is naked after seeing a mirage of the ocean]
- Bones: Wow Jack... LOOK AT THAT ASS! Wooo! Maybe you should stay naked!
- Bones: Gabriella, she broke my heart. Thankfully I'm too shallow to let it keep bummed for too long!
- Bones: You're sitting in the chair, like "Can somebody
- [coughing,gagging]
- Bones: help me?"
- [coughing]
- Fred Ostroff: See, see that's what I'm talking about!