- Wally Sparks: I hear in Canada you only have sex doggy style; that way you can both see the hockey game.
- Wally Sparks: [Wally has exposed the affair between the Judge and Lola] Wow. it's looks like he's been banging more than his gavel.
- Wally Sparks: [Wally has just scratched his back against a woman] Thanks honey, stick around I might get jock itch.
- Wally Sparks: Folks, the first half of this show has been pretty amazing and the second half is no different. And I'm going to start the second half by telling you...
- [Wally stands up]
- Wally Sparks: ... I can walk. I've been faking it, pretending I was hurt for my own selfish reasons. You know, this may be my last show. A lot of people don't think I should be on TV anymore. Maybe they're right. I'm only sorry for all the pain and suffering I caused the Governor and how I hurt this sweet, innocent girl.
- [Wally approaches Lola and rests his hand on her shoulder]
- Wally Sparks: Look at that virgin smile. A babe lost in the woods. And you wanted to be an actress, didn't you?
- Lola Larue: That's right. Disney movies.
- Wally Sparks: Oh, I'm sure you'd be right at home with Pinocchio.
- [a kazoo sound is played]
- Wally Sparks: Well tonight, you're in luck, honey! It so happens we have a clip of your acting debut. Roll it, Sandy!
- Sandy Gallo: [to a tech] Go.
- [a porn video plays of Lola performing oral sex on Ron Jeremy and smiling at the camera plays]
- Wally Sparks: Where'd you learn to study, honey, down under?
- [Lola looks at Judge Williams, both horrified]
- Wally Sparks: She gives a new meaning to "method acting."
- [the crew in the room laugh and gossip as Lola fluffs her hair after the climax]
- Wally Sparks: Hey, with this role, your acting career really got a head start. But wait, folks. There's more. Well, thanks to my producer Sandy, and a hidden video camera, we happen to get this little performance on tape. But wait... There's even more!
- [to a bust of Julius Caesar]
- Wally Sparks: you see, Julius, what Lola doesn't know is, we followed her into the woods, where she had a rendezvous with the big bad wolf himself!
- [the video reveals that she has been having an affair with the judge]
- Wally Sparks: I guess whatever Lola wants, Lola gets.
- Robby Preston: Judge Williams!
- Gov. Floyd Preston: Randal!
- Wally Sparks: Wow! Looks like the Judge is banging more than his gavel.
- Judge Randel Williams: This is absurd! I don't know this tramp!
- Lola Larue: Tramp? Screw you, Randy! I ain't takin' the rap for this on my own!
- Judge Randel Williams: Now just shut up!
- Lola Larue: He knew if Governor Preston got into the Senate, he'd prevented development of the Civil War theme park.
- Judge Randel Williams: She's insane! Don't listen to her!
- Lola Larue: Judge here sunk all of his money into the surrounding property. Said it was worth a fortune. You said you were gonna to share it with me!
- Judge Randel Williams: Oh, go away, Lola!
- [He tosses her away]
- Wally Sparks: Ooh! Looks like she misjudged the Judge!
- [the judge picks up a saber]
- Judge Randel Williams: I'm gonna fix you, Sparks!
- Wally Sparks: Remember folks, every man has his tale of woe. Unfortunately, in life, there's more woe than tale.
- Wally Sparks: [the Judge hits Wally in the butt with a sword; to camera] ooh, he got me right in the touché.
- Wally Sparks: Adios Judge
- [slides down railing almost hits his groin on a railing sphere]
- Wally Sparks: Aaahhh! Get me a ball buster.
- Wally Sparks: [sword fighting the judge] can't we talk this over
- [saber nearly stabs him]
- Wally Sparks: Ooh, I see your point.
- Wally Sparks: [the Judge narrowly misses slashing Wally instead cuts flowers from a vase] fresh cut flowers.
- Wally Sparks: [notices a couple making out] you two should find a room
- [sees an obese couple making out]
- Wally Sparks: you two should find a warehouse.
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By what name was Meet Wally Sparks (1997) officially released in India in English?
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