- Eddie Haskell Jr.: You looked as though you just walked out the runway.
- June Cleaver: Eddie?
- Eddie Haskell Jr.: Yes Mrs. Cleaver?
- June Cleaver: Cut the crap.
- Gilbert Bates: Yo, I'm Gilbert. This summer, my parents shipped me off to camp. I caught impetigo. And when I got back, my dad had moved out. Only since then he moved back, but he's still sleepin' in my room, and I'm sleeping on the couch.
- Judy Hensler: All right. Sit down and shut up! You're gonna learn this stuff if I have to shove it down your throat! And just where do you think you're going... Beaver Cleaver?
- Beaver Cleaver: Thanks anyway, Judy. But I'd rather go through 3rd grade a hundred times than listen to your ugly voice for one minute!
- Judy Hensler: Wow, Beaver. You really pulled up your grade. You got a "C."
- Beaver Cleaver: Really?
- Judy Hensler: Yeah! A "See me after class".
- Eddie Sr.: So, your first boy-girl party. Let me take this opportunity to impart upon you a little wisdom culled from years of experience in the field.
- Eddie Haskell Jr.: That's very generous of you, Dad.
- Eddie Sr.: Boys, women are all a bunch of bloodsuckers, out to get you any way they can. And when they finally succeed in breaking your spirit, they'll flush you like a dead goldfish.
- Ward Cleaver: Well, what are you saying? You wanna quit the team?
- Beaver Cleaver: [excited] Do I? Thanks, Dad! What a relief.
- Ward Cleaver: Well, you can't.
- Beaver Cleaver: Why not?
- Ward Cleaver: Well, because first it's this, then next thing you quit school. Then one day you quit your job, then your marriage and anything else that gives you trouble in life.
- Beaver Cleaver: [more excited] You mean I can quit school?
- Miss Landers: I am very pleased with the results of the astronomy test. Although, there's still some confusion about Pluto. While its planetary classification is still uncertain, it is definitely not Mickey's dog.
- Larry Mondello: Rats!