The Apocalypse

If these movies - there seems to be about one per year - could possibly hew any closer to copying "Alien", they would. It is merely the aim of these films to make Alien all over again. The music. The characters and their conflicts. Even fragments of dialogue! "I don't trust so and so ...", "All I want is what's comin' to me..." These things either take place in space or underwater. Virus(1999), set on an ocean ship, was an interesting variation. The prime point of entertainment for me is the fatuousness of the imitation.

Even though I checked this movie out for free, it was a huge waste of my time. Pathetic acting, terrible special effects, and a plot that goes nowhere are the BEST things about this movie. Don't waste your time.

I don't know what just happened to me. Sandra Bernhard was fighting David Crosby while the little hooker friend from Pretty Woman was performing "Scenes From Shakespeare." You read that right. It's a good thing that the MPAA does not enact capital punishment, because everyone involved would have been strung up as examples to aspiring actors, writers and directors with more enthusiasm than talent. Painful. Pro tip: adding (AND ENDLESSLY REPEATING THE SAME) lines from Shakespeare does not make your movie good; it actually highlights how crummy the movie is. The writing was puerile, the acting was a visual Columbine, and the plot couldn't make it. Not all of the cats in the world could have made this movie enjoyable or even watchable. If faced with the dilemma of watching this movie or...doing anything else, I can strongly and authoritatively recommend anything else.

This picture is nowhere near as rancid as "Space Mutiny", which will cause psychological damage without the superb MST3K treatment, but "The Apocalypse" can have effects with apocalyptic results on the human psyche. I was actually able to tolerate the entire movie. It's something I would not want to watch again unless I wanted to give myself an excuse to commit suicide. I even actually own the movie on LaserDisc! But, it's a great deal, considering that it was given to me, or would that be a curse? The acting is just terrible, with parts either overdone, or simply bland. The props is what you'd expect from a low budget production, with stuff that looks like it was assembled with packing materials and done in a warehouse, looking worse than a high school production of "The Technicolor Dreamcoat". The video monitor displays were obviously VHS videotape, since one of the special effect for those displays was just simply visual searching back and forth throughout the scenes, with parts of the video sequences showing dropouts, probably because the tape was being worn out through excessive use during production. The music will make you want to plug your ears in pain as it makes the Macarena sound like a masterpiece. The visual effects? What visual effects? I've seen better visuals on a "Three Stooges" skit. It amazes me how the company that was responsible for the production actually had enough money left over to distribute this garbage, even on LaserDisc of all things. A DVD version is also a waste of material. The videotape version would be best, since you probably will be able to celebrate when the VCR decides to eat it. This is a production where the source material deserves to be locked in a vault and left to rot, fade, and be eaten by fungus and mold. - Reinhart

If you manage to get through the entire film and give it more thought than it warrants, you may find seeds of what could have been a good film scattered throughout.

Sandra Bernhard did a fair job with her leading role, only to be let down by the rest of the cast, the writing, directing, and effects (I suppose the sets were passable). Laura San Giacomo gives possibly the worst performance, completely over the top spouting incoherent snatches of Shakespeare. It appears that her part was filmed later and edited in, as she never interacts with the other actors and the "hacker" uses male pronouns when referring to her and her image.

This seemed as if several amateurs each directed a couple randomly-selected scenes without regard to each other's work, as characters are played very differently in adjoining scenes with no sense of development. The film ends suddenly and poorly, as if someone with an eye to the budget yelled "Cut, print!" the instant that the money ran out.

Perhaps this film itself was a salvage operation, where the shoot terminated prematurely and the studio edited whatever had already been filmed into something they could release upon an unsuspecting public.