- Santanico Pandemonium: I'm not gonna drain you completely. You're gonna turn for me. You'll be my slave. You'll live for me. You'll eat bugs because I order it. Why? Because I don't think you're worthy of human blood. You'll feed on the blood of stray dogs. You'll be my foot stool. And at my command, you'll lick the dog shit from my boot heel. Since you'll be my dog, your new name will be "Spot". Welcome to slavery.
- Seth: No, thanks. I've already had a wife.
- [shoots the rope holding the wooden chandelier, which impales her]
- Carlos: So, what, were they psychos, or...
- Seth: Did they look like psychos? Is that what they looked like? They were vampires. Psychos do not explode when sunlight hits them, I don't give a fuck how crazy they are!
- Chet Pussy: All right, pussy, pussy, pussy! Come on in pussy lovers! Here at the Titty Twister we're slashing pussy in half! Give us an offer on our vast selection of pussy, this is a pussy blow out! All right, we got white pussy, black pussy, Spanish pussy, yellow pussy, we got hot pussy, cold pussy, we got wet pussy, we got
- [sniffs]
- Chet Pussy: smelly pussy, we got hairy pussy, bloody pussy, we got snappin' pussy, we got silk pussy, velvet pussy, Naugahyde pussy, we even got horse pussy, dog pussy, chicken pussy! Come on, you want pussy, come on in, pussy lovers! If we don't got it, you don't want it! Come on in, pussy lovers!
- [last lines]
- Kate: Seth. Want some company?
- Seth: Kate, do you know where I'm going? Do you know what El Ray is?
- Kate: [shaking her head] No.
- Seth: [getting in his car] Go home, Kate. I may be a bastard, but I'm not a fucking bastard.
- Seth: So, what's the deal with you two, you a couple of fags?
- Jacob: He's my son.
- Seth: Yeah, how's that happen? You don't look Japanese.
- Jacob: Neither does he. He looks Chinese.
- Seth: Oh, ooh, well excuse me all to hell.
- Sex Machine: He's not your brother anymore.
- Seth: Well, that is a matter of opinion and I do not give a fuck about yours.
- Seth: Don't you ever try and fucking run on us.
- [holds a gun to Gloria's head]
- Seth: I've got six little friends and they can all run faster than you can.
- Chet Pussy: Attention pussy shoppers! Take advantage of our penny pussy sale! If you buy one piece of pussy at the regular price, you get another piece of pussy of equal or lesser value for only a penny! Try and beat pussy for a penny! If you can find cheaper pussy anywhere else, fuck it!
- Seth Gecko: We need to have a talk. What's your name?
- Hostage Gloria: Gloria.
- Seth Gecko: Hello, Gloria, I'm Seth. That's my brother Richie. Let's cut to the chase. I'm going to ask you one question, and all I want is a yes or no answer. Do you want to live through this?
- Hostage Gloria: Yes.
- Seth Gecko: Good. Rule #1: No noise. No questions. If you make a noise,
- [He pulls out his gun]
- Seth Gecko: Mister .44 makes a noise. If you ask a question, Mister .44 answers it. Now are you absolutely, positively clear about Rule #1?
- Hostage Gloria: Yes.
- Seth Gecko: Rule #2: You do what we say when we say it. If you don't, see Rule #1. Rule #3: Don't you ever try and fucking run on us,
- [He puts his gun to her head, she closes her eyes]
- Seth Gecko: because I got six little friends and they can all run faster than you can. Open your eyes.
- [She does]
- Seth Gecko: Gloria, you hang in there, you follow the rules, and you don't fuck with us, and you'll get out of this alive. I give you my word. Okay?
- [She nods]
- Seth: [to hostage Gloria] You. Plant yourself in that chair.
- Hostage Gloria: What are you gonna do with...
- Seth: I said "plant yourself." Plants don't talk.
- Seth: Everybody be cool.
- [to Pete]
- Seth: YOU - be cool.
- [Richard day-dreaming]
- Kate: Richie, would you do me a favor and eat my pussy for me... please?
- Richie: Uhh... sure.
- Jacob: Does anybody know what's going on here?
- Seth: I know what's going on. We got a bunch of fucking vampires out there, trying to get in here and suck our fucking blood. And that's it. Plain and simple. I don't want to hear anything about "I don't believe in vampires," because I don't fucking believe in vampires, but I believe in my own two eyes, and what I saw, is fucking vampires. Now, do we all agree that what we are dealing with is vampires?
- Kate: Yes.
- Seth: All right, vampire killers... let's kill some fucking vampires.
- Seth: Why, out of all the God-forsaken shitholes in Mexico, do we have to meet here?
- Carlos: One place's just as good as another.
- Kate: Are you okay?
- Seth: Peachy, Kate. The world's my oyster, except for the fact that I just rammed a wooden stake in my brother's heart because he turned into a vampire, even though I don't believe in vampires. Aside from that unfortunate business, everything's hunky-dory.
- Seth: So what are you, Jacob? A faithless preacher? Or a mean motherfuckin' servant of God?
- Jacob: I'm a mean, mhm mhm servant of God.
- Seth: I know that I have put you through hell, and I know that I have been one rough pecker. But from here on out, you are all in my cool book.
- Richie: He's in the bathroom. Why don't I just go in there, shoot him in the back of the head, and we can get the fuck out of here.
- Pete Bottoms: Don't do that! Look, you asked me to act natural, I'm acting natural - in fact, under the circumstances, I think I ought get a fuckin' Academy Award for how natural I'm acting.
- Jacob: Are you such a fucking loser, you can't tell when you've won?
- Seth: What did you call me?
- Jacob: Nothing. I didn't make a statement. I asked a question. Would you like me to ask it again?
- Seth: Umm-hmm.
- Jacob: Are you such a loser, you can't tell when you've won? The entire state of Texas, along with the F.B.I., are looking for you. Did they find you? No. They couldn't. You've won, Seth. Enjoy it.
- Seth: [talking about the Titty Twister] You've never been here before?
- Carlos: No. I drove by it a couple of times. It's a rowdy place, it's out in the middle of nowhere, there'd be no cops and it's open from dusk till dawn. And didn't you say you wanted to meet in the morning? Here we are.
- Seth: Well since you just picked this place out of a hat, my brother is dead, that girl's entire fucking family is dead!
- Carlos: What, were they psychos? Or...
- Seth: Do they look like psychos? Is that what they look like? They were vampires! Psychos do not explode when sunlight hits them, I don't give a fuck how crazy they are!
- Carlos: Seth, how can I make it up to you?
- Seth: Can't make it up to me Carlos. I tell you, you can't do it. Can't make it up!
- [has second thoughts on Carlos' deal]
- Seth: 15%, instead of 30% for my stay in El Ray, that's a good start.
- Carlos: 28.
- Seth: My brother's gone, you understand that? He is gone, and he is not coming back, and that is your fault. 20.
- Seth, Carlos: [shake on deal] 25.
- Seth: [upon finding the body of Gloria the hostage] Richard, what's wrong with you? Is it me? Is this my fault? Do think that this is what I am? I am a professional fucking thief. I don't kill people that I don't have to, and I don't rape women. What you are doing - what you are doing - what you are fucking doing, is not how it's done. Do you understand? Say "yes, Seth, I understand." Say "yes, Seth, I fucking understand."
- Seth: Okay hard drinkers, let's drink hard. I'm buyin'.
- Richie: [about their motel room] Do they have cable?
- Seth: No
- Richie: Do they have the X-rated channel?
- Seth: No.
- Richie: Do they have a waterbed?
- Seth: Nope.
- Richie: Well what do they got?
- Seth: They have four walls and a bed and that's all we need.
- Seth: [talking to Jacob Fuller about his wife's death in a car crash] Died instantly?
- Jacob: Not quite. She was trapped in the wreck for about... six hours before she passed on.
- Seth: Yeah, those acts of God really stick it in and break it off, don't they?
- Jacob: Yes, they do.
- Richie: Where are my glasses?
- Seth: They, uh... they broke when you fell.
- Richie: Oh, fuck, Seth, these are, like, my only pair!
- Seth: Don't worry about it, we'll get you another pair.
- Richie: What do you mean, "don't worry about it"? Of course I'm gonna worry about it, I can't fuckin' see.
- Seth: I'll take care of it when we get to El Rey.
- Richie: Yeah, like some Mexican hole-in-the-wall's gonna have my fucking prescription.
- Seth: [ducking behind a display case] Richie! You okay?
- Richie: He shot me in the fucking hand, I told you he said help us!
- Pete Bottoms: [screaming in pain] I NEVER SAID HELP US!
- Seth: Well it doesn't matter now, because you've got about two fucking seconds to live!
- Seth: [puts a gun to Sex-Machine's head] You touch my brother with that stake, biker, and vampires won't have to suck your blood. They'll be able to lick it up off the floor.
- [after Richard blows up Benny's World of Liquor]
- Seth: "Low profile." Do you know what the words "low profile" mean?
- Pete Bottoms: Look, he comes in here everyday, we bullshit; he's used my bathroom about a thousand times; if I told him no, he'd know somethin' was up.
- Seth: Okay, I want him out of here, in his car, and down the road or you can change the name of this place to Benny's World of Blood.
- Richie: "How's your hand, Rich?" It hurts like a fucking son of a bitch, thanks for asking, Seth!
- Earl McGraw: Well, it's been one long goddamn hot miserable shit-ass fuckin' day every inch of the way.
- Seth: OK, ramblers. Let's get rambling.
- Seth: Do you think this is who I am? I am a professional thief; I don't kill people I don't have to.
- Jacob: Every person who... chooses the service of God as his life's work has something in common. I don't care if you're a preacher, a priest, a nun, a rabbi or a Buddhist monk. Many, many times during your life you will look at your reflection in a mirror and ask yourself: am I a fool? I'm not going through a lapse; what I've experienced is closer to awakening.
- Seth: Here is the peace in death I could not give you in life.
- Seth: And if there is a hell, and those sons of bitches are from it, then there has got to be a heaven... Jacob, there's gotta be.
- Seth: Well, your best better get a hell of a lot fucking better, or you are gonna feel a hell of a lot fucking worse.
- Richie: Shit, I started to get worried. Where the fuck ya been?
- Seth: Sight seein'.
- Richie: What'd ya see?
- Seth: Cops.
- [after first entering the Titty Twister bar]
- Seth Gecko: I could become a regular.
- Chet Pussy: You know what they say about me? I suck!
- Seth: Fight now, cry later.
- Seth: Do you have a cross?
- Jacob: In the Winnebago.
- Seth: In other words, no.
- Scott Fuller: What are you talking about? We got crosses all over the place. All you gotta do is put two sticks together and you got a cross.
- Sex Machine: He's right. Peter Cushing does that all the time.
- Seth: Okay, I'll buy that.
- Jacob: Has anybody here read a real book about vampires, or are we just remembering what a movie said? I mean a real book.
- Sex Machine: You mean like a Time-Life book?
- Jacob: I take it the answer's no.
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