Virtual Desire

Well the plot you will have sussed out after a few minutes but that's not why you're watching is it... As for the erotica, well the first half has mostly fake boobs so you can hit the fast forward button or switch channels for an hour until the second half with the very attractive Gail Harris, Catherine Weber, Taylor St. Clair (who I think was credited as Kimberly Knight actually) and Shauna McCullough. It's not as hot as Illegal in Blue was (the SEXIEST movie of all time) but not bad I guess. Gail Harris and her Yorkshire accent, delicious eyebrows and voluptuous Page 3 body is well, incredible!

I don't remember HOW I found this, probably a shout-out on some social media app where someone asked for TnA movies. But I do remember WHY I watched it. And that is because of this very enthusiastic review from Amazon that I'm sharing right here: Metal Pete 5.0 out of 5 stars The best T&A flick ever It's perfect. There is so much quality t&a in this thing it re-defines all t&a flicks. But make sure you get the unrated version. As some disappointed viewers lamented, the R-rated one skimps on some very good stuff.

Beautiful girls constantly getting nude and doing this guy Brad. It's almost too much for one movie. Wall to wall nudity, the best softcore flick I have ever seen, period.

Clearly this Metal Pete guy would award one or more Oscars to this movie if he could, after all, it is "The best T&A flick ever". Now that might be. But the very next review is from a much more critical guy named Jared. I am not sure if this is Subway Jared or not. If it is, then I suspect that some of his dismay towards the film may have to do with the ages of the actresses. But here is what Mr. Jared has to say: Jared 1.0 out of 5 stars don't bother This is not as good as the other reviewers here on amazon make it out to be. Almost every aspect of it is poor. I wont mention the plot because there isn't one. Its just some guy goofing around on a very old computer with some very bad sex scences inter cut beween shots of him typing in a stupidly large font size. Don't bother with this!

So the question is, who do we trust? The guy who passes Oscars out like candy? Or the dude who hates people "typing in a stupidly large font size"? (I'm not happy with IMDb at ALL right now, because I typed that last part in a stupidly large font size that they didn't render for me. Thus ruining a quality grade A joke.) Anyway, I say, we need to get these two together and let them fight to the death in a cage match we market as pay per view on Only Fans. That's what I say! Winner gets a $5 Del Taco gift card and the rated R version of "Virtual Desire".

But don't worry, I found the uncensored version for you!

"Virtual Desire" (which I saw under the title "Illicit Dreams 3") wants to be an erotic murder mystery. Unfortunately, the sex/stripping/shower scenes, though plentiful and fairly graphic, have a mechanical, going-through-the-motions, Playboy-video feel to them, and the solution to the "mystery" is obvious right from the start. The "hero" is a jerk as well as a moron, cheating on his wife with multiple women, none of whom are half as hot as her (with the possible exception of an Asian tennis instructor who is a real babe). Oh, and don't be fooled by Julie Strain being featured on the video/DVD cover of the movie, she's in it for no more than 10 minutes. (*)

The auteur Wynorski's pro-feminist stance is highly apparent in this film. The women cast members, in several instances, take the dominant position and sometimes come on top in certain situations. Overall, the cinematography gets rave reviews from us at the Eye Candy Hall of Fame, but we do have a problem with a specific plot point: why would anyone married to someone who looks like Tammy Parks want to cheat on her? Even her character had no dislikable qualities to promote straying. Unless, like her film husband, we would meet through the internet women who resembled Julie Strain, Gail Harris, Taylor St. Clair, Lorissa McComas, or especially Annette Burger. To paraphrase the old adage that it takes money to make money: to meet gorgeous chicks on the internet you must already be involved with one. This validates our apparent failure to find any desirable (or even to some degree undesirable) mates on the web. Thank you auteur Wynorski for your message.

'Virtual Desire' is a bargain basement T&A flick from shlock masters Jim Wynorski & Fred Olen Ray. It follows their worn out formula of a murder mystery wrapped around copious amounts of sex, female nudity. The mere interesting point as a viewer was finding out the depths of cheap these men would go reusing sex or nude scenes found here in later titles.

Brad (Mike Meyer) is a hunky ex-pro baseball player cheating on wife Susan (Tammy Parks) when she's murdered. Det. Crank (Ross Hagen) thinks Brad is guilty, but can't be bothered to do any deep digging. That leaves the suspect to recall to himself, the police all the romps he's had with beautiful babes such as Sascha (Julie Strain) or Wendy (Gail Harris) amongst others and try to figure out which one is responsible.

I enjoyed muff, implied oral on the ladies. Models, ex-Penthouse Pets, familiar T&A faces for it's female buffet of nudity. Lorissa McComas, Annette Burger, Shanna McCullough, Taylor St. Clair, Peggy Trentini and of course the late, great Julie Strain. That doesn't change the story is boring. A test pattern complete with some rough acting and a dismal ending that seems almost tacked on at the last minute.

When you're distracted by elements you swore you've seen, heard before isn't good. Neither is a carbon copy plot, recycled music tracks or awful dialog. If you're willing to suffer or use the FF button, 'Virtual Desire' has a heavy dose of the softcore you're craving in flashbacks, dream sequences, but a lousy wrapper contains it.